Changes

This chapter starts a couple of months after the previous chapter ends. It does circle back to update you on what happened in these months. I have most of the next chapter ready and will submit it soon. Thank you for your patience and hope you enjoy!

*****

Heather heard her phone ring and was shaken out of her reverie. Where the fuck was it? She found it under her pillow and grumpily flipped it over to check who was calling. Her heart immediately picked up pace and she felt a sense of dread when she saw Vanessa's name flash on the screen.

"Fuck."

Dry mouthed, she swiped the green icon right to answer.

"Hello," she croaked.

"Hi," she heard Vanessa's voice. She'd heard it sound this unsure only once before. It was the last time they'd spoken. That had been 2 weeks back.

"Hi," Heather said softly.

"Is it alright that I called?" Vanessa asked in a small voice. Heather heard the hesitation in her voice and it brought her this close to tears. "I...I know I said I wouldn't and that you could take your time, but."

"No, Vanessa, it's fine," Heather interrupted, unable to keep the quiver out of her voice.

They were both quiet for a minute. Heather wondered if Vanessa could hear her heart thumping through the phone. Part of her wished she could, then she'd know how she felt. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to rein in her emotions.

She heard Vanessa clear her throat before her voice came through, laden with emotion. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything," Heather whispered into the phone.

"What threw you off, Heather?"

She took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart. "Vanessa," she said softly, her voice breaking. "I... I didn't know... I wasn't sure of what I was doing. I didn't think I could... I didn't think I could give you what you deserve."

"Oh."

The hurt in Vanessa's voice broke something inside Heather. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I haven't... I don't want to hurt"

Vanessa interrupted her. "Heather, no, I'm sorry I called. I just needed to make sure that..." she sighed. "Anyway. Enjoy the rest of your stay at home. I hope to see you back at work soon. And I promise, I'll try my best to be as normal as I can." Heather knew the effort Vanessa was putting into saying this in as friendly a manner as possible. It was like she could see through to the hurt she was causing.

"Vanessa. No. Not like this. I won't do this this to us." Heather said, agitated.

"Umm, I don't understand. Are you saying you won't come back?"

"No, no I'm not saying that. I need to see you, I can't do this over the phone. I don't want to do this badly. Will you meet me?"

"Oh, but... why?"

"Vanessa, I want to explain. Please."

"Ok."

Heather took a deep breath. She hadn't wanted to end things with Vanessa. She just wasn't sure she could give enough. There was one thing she was sure of and she knew this was the time to say it. "I love you more than I can say. And I love Jules." She was quiet for a moment. "I promise you. I'm not being selfish."

Vanessa sighed. "Heather, I don't understand. What are you trying to say?"

"Fuck. I'm sorry. I need to see you." There was another stretch of silence before Heather quietly asked, "Will you come over?"

"To your parents' house?"

"Yes. They're not here this weekend. I have the house to myself."

"Heather, honey, we don't have to do this now. Take your time, I can wait till you're back. I mean it." Her voice had assumed its normal calm tone and somehow the normalcy reassured Heather.

"No, I've delayed this too much already."

"What's another couple of weeks then?"

Heather sighed. "Please?" she asked softly. And then after a pause, she added, "Bring Jules if you have her. How is she?"

"She's alright. It's her weekend with Joe though. I have the house to myself too. First time in 2 weeks."

"Come," Heather whispered, suddenly dying to meet Vanessa. "I want to hold you. And tell you everything."

"Heather."

"Ok ok, no holding till after we talk."

Vanessa chuckled despite herself. Then on a more serious note she asked, "Are you sure? I didn't call to rush you. I... I was being selfish though. I needed to hear your voice. Sorry," she breathed.

Heather held back a sob. She knew how many times she'd stopped herself from messaging Vanessa. How many times she'd almost dialed her number. It would be selfish to call her when she was the one who'd asked for time out. But now she felt ready. Hearing Vanessa's voice had somehow shaken her out of the limbo she'd been in.

"Please, Vanessa, you don't have to apologize. And I'm glad you called. Will you come? Please?"

"Yes. Yes, I'll come see you."

Again Heather held back a sob, but couldn't help the crack in her voice when she said, "Thank you. I can't wait."

-

Heather sat back in bed, hugging a pillow. God she'd missed Vanessa. And Jules. How many times she'd come this close to dialing them. Over the last couple of months, they'd both become such an integral part of her life. For the thousandth time she questioned why she'd felt the need to run away. Had she run away? She'd told Vanessa that she needed time. Time for what though? She hadn't been able to answer that question very convincingly. Time to get her head on straight? To know once and for all how far she was willing to go. Was she willing to give such a big part of her life to them?

She felt the all familiar weight settling back in. Just 5 minutes on the phone with Vanessa had made her feel more normal than she had felt in the last 2 weeks. Heather knew how much she missed Vanessa. How much she missed the feel of her sleeping next to her, the frequent hugs, the brush of her fingers against her. She'd grown accustomed to, even fond of the touchy feely persona of Vanessa. And having not seen her for a few days, she missed it terribly. She felt this dull, anxious emptiness she didn't care for. It cut too close to the bone this soon after her ship-wreck of a relationship with Adam. But this time it was her putting on the brakes. She fucking hated this. "I can't believe she'll be here tomorrow," Heather said aloud, feeling both exhilaration and panic at the thought.

She let herself be drawn into the memories of the last couple of months, something that she'd denied herself since she left.

-

Heather with some help from Vanessa prepared a wholesome breakfast of sausages, eggs- sunny side up, and hash browns with toast to go with it. She made sure Vanessa had her fill and more.

"Heather! Stop piling sausages onto my plate!"

"Eat up. You'll need the energy," she said, giggling,

Vanessa laughed, "I've unleashed a wild animal, haven't I?"

"Are you surprised?"

"I actually am," Vanessa said after a moment's silence. "Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that the first time we had sex, you'd go down on me. And trust me, the dreams that I did have were WILD."

Heather blushed. "You had wild dreams about me?"

"Fuck yea! Oh the things I've done to you in them."

"Tell me," Heather whispered, squirming.

Vanessa leaned in, and kissed her on the cheek, before whispering close to her ear, "How about we clean up and then I give you a preview?"

"Mmmm," Heather mumbled before rushing off to do the dishes.

Heather remembered Vanessa pressing into her from behind, making the simple task of rinsing the plates so difficult. Vanessa had wrapped her arms around her middle, fluttering her lips over her neck.

"You're taking too long," she whispered.

Heather exhaled, her pulse picking up, "This is not gonna speed things up."

"At least I get what I want," Vanessa replied, cupping Heathers breasts and tweaking her nipples.

"Unh, fuck, Vanessa!"

"I love your nipples," Vanessa breathed. "Especially when they're all hard. I want to feel them against my tongue, want them in my mouth. I want to suck on them."

Even now, weeks later, the memory of Vanessa's voice in her ear and her thumbs grazing against her nipples was enough to make her pussy clench. Heather remembered all too clearly the zing those words had sent through her. She'd stopped rinsing, still holding the plate in her hand and was just consumed by Vanessa.

"Oh and I want to taste you. I hope this is going to get you nice and wet for me. I'm going to fuck you with my tongue."

Heather must have moaned, because Vanessa chuckled before saying, "Better hope your neighbours are away or that your walls are soundproof honey. You're going to be moaning way louder than that."

Heather remembered all but throwing the dish back into the sink and trying to turn around to face Vanessa.

"Unh uh. You've got to finish the dishes first, love."

"Later," Heather moaned, "Need you now."

Again, Vanessa's strength won. "Dishes first, Heather," Vanessa whispered, her voice calm, but the extra pressure her fingers applied on her nipples were enough to let Heather know who was in charge.

"Tell me, do you like having your pussy licked?"

"I, um... yes. I like it," Heather mumbled, trying to keep her attention on the dish.

"Mmmm, good. Do you like circles around your clit, or when a tongue lashes your clit with no mercy?"

"Fuck, Vanessa."

"Let me show you," Vanessa whispered. Her hand snaked down into the panties Heather had put on before breakfast.

"Vanessa!" Heather exclaimed at the unexpected move, squirming as a finger found her swollen clit. "Unhhh."

"Fuck you're wet. Good. Now tell me, circles?" Her fingers lazily circled Heather's clit in tight circles. "Or merciless lashing?"

Heather arched, the plate clattering into the sink as Vanessa's finger lightly but rapidly brushed against her clit. "Ahhhh god!" she rasped, clutching onto the edge of the sink.

"Tell me Heather, what makes you cum faster? Circles or this?"

"Oh fuck, stop, I can't," she flailed, attempting to move away from Vanessa's hand, her clit too sensitive, her knees too weak.

Vanessa spun her around and pulled her into a hug, "Shhh, it's alright, c'mere."

Heather almost collapsed into Vanessa, whispering, "It's too much, can't."

"I know, I'm sorry," Vanessa said softly, propping Heather up and walking her to the couch where she sat and held her close.

"Sorry, I got carried away," Vanessa whispered after a couple of minutes, moving away to look at Heather. "Are you ok?"

Heather smiled. "I'm ok, and you don't have to apologise. It's insane how hot you make me."

"It's insane how you make me lose control," Vanessa whispered before kissing Heather.

"I want to tell you something," Heather said softly, leaning into Vanessa, playing with her hair.

Vanessa looked at her, expectantly, her fingers brushing Heather's arm absent mindedly as she watched a blush creep up Heather's neck. "Go on, don't be shy."

Heather averted her gaze before whispering, "I've never, um, I've never cum from oral sex."

"Oh, that's alright honey. A lot of women don't," she said with a smile, giving Heather a squeeze. "But a lot of people don't really know what they're doing down there."

Heather blushed a darker shade of crimson. "I, I don't want you to feel bad if I can't, when you, you know."

Again Vanessa smiled. "Hon, hey don't let something like this get in your head. With some time, a little exploration and with your help, I'll figure out what gets you there and what doesn't. And I love that you told me," she said, seeking out Heather's lips. "I love you. You don't cease to amaze me with how sensitive and genuine and large hearted you are," she said moving in to kiss Heather again. "And I love that you surprise me with how sexy and horny you can be," she whispered, grinning.

Heather sighed as she sunk into Vanessa. "You say the nicest things," she smiled.

She remembered dozing on the couch, her arms full of Vanessa, her face buried in her neck. It was an ideal afternoon and she was so very content just lying there, slipping into a sleep haze as she felt Vanessa's breathing relax and her arm slip a little lower on her back as she too succumbed to the warm, lazy afternoon.

Heather remembered being woken up with Vanessa stirring and drawing her closer. God she felt so good pressed up against her. I could never get used to this she'd thought. It'll be special every time. She kissed the side of Vanessa's jaw, nuzzling her behind her ear.

"Hey you," Vanessa whispered.

"Oh, you're awake."

"Mhm, been awake for a bit."

"What you thinking?"

"That I've never felt this relaxed on a Sunday afternoon. And about how ridiculously drunk I was last night. And that Jules is five. She's fucking five." After a second, she continued, a hint of emotion in her voice, "Come home with me tonight."

Heather gave her a squeeze. "I'd love to. And yes, you were very drunk last night and so adorable," Heather giggled, going back to nuzzling behind Vanessa's ear.

"Did it bother you?"

"That you were drunk?"

Vanessa nodded.

"Only when I thought you drove here like that. I like drunk you. A little too persistent, if I remember correctly. But cute as hell."

Vanessa laughed, "Thank god I wasn't a pain in the ass. I don't usually get that drunk. Last night was, I don't know, poignant, I guess."

"Oh, I didn't realize," Heather said, frowning.

Vanessa sighed as she turned to face Heather. "It was. Jules turning five, her first birthday after the divorce. Well, she doesn't know that, but I do." She was quiet for a minute before continuing. "I..." she shrugged, "It's conflicting, pretending to be a family. I mean, I know we are, and we will always be a family. But posing for photographs with Joe and Jules and the three of us cutting the cake, it's just. I guess it strikes me how normal it should feel and it really doesn't. It's what could have been, you know?"

Heather nodded.

"I mean, the party was at Joe's house. I left after the party. No post-birthday morning cuddles with Jules. And that after we pretend to be a family. It messes with me sometimes." Again she fell into a silence. "To be fair, I got birthday morning cuddles," she said smiling.

"I know it's hard. But it's all for Jules, no?"

Again Vanessa sighed. "Yes hon, it's all for her. The least we can do is give her memories of a family on such occasions. And look at me, cribbing about how hard it is. Ugh, such a useless mum."

"Hush," Heather said, frowning. "You're the best and you know that."

Vanessa smiled. "Now that I've ruined Sunday evening, still want to come home with me?"

Heather giggled, "You didn't ruin anything, silly," she said, stealing a kiss. "Is Jules back tonight?"

"No love. She's with Joe. I pick her up tomorrow morning and drop her to school."

"Oh," Heather said, disappointed.

Vanessa laughed. "I thought you'd be happy. It means you can make as much noise as you want," she said teasing.

"Hey!" Heather said, blushing. "No way. I wanted to see her."

"If you're up for waking up at the crack of dawn and coming along to pick her up, then you get to see her."

"Deal," Heather said, rubbing her nose against Vanessa's.

-

That had to have been one of the best Sunday's she'd ever had. It was the first time they'd spent all day and all night together. She remembered how Vanessa had talked her out of packing for work.

"What you doing?"

"Packing. I think I'll drive my car to your house so I can drive to work from there."

Vanessa pouted. "How does your day look?"

"Slow," Heather said shrugging.

"Then don't go."

Heather turned and cocked her eyebrows at Vanessa. "Is my boss asking me to skip work? Just so she can have me in bed?"

"Mhm. Never said I'm a good boss. But in bed? I think you know the answer to that," Vanessa said, grinning.

"Oh you tempt me so," Heather said, dramatically.

"You know you want it."

Heather narrowed her eyes. "On one condition."

Chuckling, Vanessa said, "Thy wish is my command," bowing.

Heather giggled, "I say we bunk work on Tuesday too.

Vanessa laughed, "Oh you're incorrigible!" Then, wrapping her arms around Heather, she whispered, "Deal."

Turning around, Heather softly kissed Vanessa before playfully chiming, "Ah the perks of dating the boss," which earned her a playful smack on the rear.

-

As long as they were going with the flow, it had been all good. Just one push towards thinking about things seriously, weighing her option and realistically considering what she was heading into and what it would require of her had sent her running. That Sunday and the two days after were like a beacon, a reminder of happier times. "Phhh," she exclaimed aloud, "It was just a couple of months ago. Stop romanticizing your pain."

Vanessa will be here tomorrow, Heather thought. She guessed she'd spend at least one night. "I hope I can explain what prompted this," she muttered. "I hope she'll sleep with me in my bed. Won't ever let her go," she thought, holding back a tear and directing her thoughts back to 'happier times'.

-

The drive to Vanessa's was spent in comfortable silence. It was raining and Heather remembered looking out the window, her breath fogging up the glass. At some point Vanessa put a hand on her thigh, getting Heather's attention.

"You alright?" she asked softly.

Heather smiled, "Mhm."

"We're almost home. Want to get something to eat on the way?"

"I'm good," Heather said, shaking her head. "Let's just go to your place."

"Ok hon."

-

"C'mon in hon," Vanessa whispered giving Heather a kiss.

Heather smiled, kissing Vanessa back. "It's so you, this house. Warm and comfy and inviting. Did you guys live here, you know, before separating?" she asked, suddenly curious.

"Oh no, we sold that house, split the money and moved into our own houses." She sighed, "This house is me. It's my bubble."

"It's lovely," Heather whispered.

"I like it better than our old home I think. That house, I could barely drive by without getting panicky after we moved out."

"I know that feeling. I couldn't drive by Adam's house without bursting into tears. And I mean ugly tears."

Vanessa squeezed her hand.

"Yea, love does shit to ya. But it's so fucking worth it," Vanessa said grinning.

Heather laughed, "You're a crazy woman," letting Vanessa lead her upstairs.

"You don't think it's worth it?"

"The heartbreak? The empty, hopeless feeling? The feeling that you're so unlovable that the person who supposedly once loved you left? Fuck no!"

Vanessa grinned, "But look at it from the other, less grim side. Someone chose to love you, for however long. You were important to someone and they brought you happiness. That one night of unforgettable, passionate sex. That one Sunday spent doing absolutely nothing that was like the most perfect Sunday ever. That one dinner date when you felt like the center of the fucking universe. Isn't that so much more? Isn't that what stays with you? Like happy spots?"

"Oh I'm not there yet. Somewhere I still hate his guts, I just don't think about it as much as I used to."

"So, if you were to run into him, what would you do?"

Heather exhaled, "Oh I don't know. Run away? Punch him in the face?"

To Heather's shock, Vanessa burst out laughing. "What? What is so funny?"

"Oh hon, I'm sorry. You're right, it's not funny." When Heather huffed, looking offended, she pulled her in. "Aw c'mere. I'm sorry, c'mere."

"Why'd you laugh?"

"Just pictured you punching me in the face. You know, if we were to not work out and run into each other after."

Heather frowned, "What a weird thing to think!"

"I guess it is weird. I'm sorry. But I'd rather you punch me than run away. That would just make me sad."

"What would you do if you saw me?"