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We had met by chance at a professional seminar. Ellen was the only other female in attendance at the seminar entitled “Correctly Analyzing Steel Futures: Evaluating the Impact of Weather on Far East Production”. Ho hum. Being the only two females of the 30 or so other attendees we smiled at each other from afar and found ourselves seated next to each other for much of the conference.
Ellen Morneau was her name, and like myself, she worked for a securities investment house, she in NYC, and I, in Boston. She was petite, maybe 5’2”, with short neat black hair, and skin pale as alabaster, which set off her startling dark brown eyes in contrast. She dressed well, a white silk blouse under a Jones New York black business suit, nails: perfect. Married for 6 years, she was 32, no children, and living in New Jersey.
We had a delightful two days together and I felt drawn to her, or maybe even stronger than that. I felt destined to be her friend. We had a lot in common, even beyond our similar careers. We found that we both liked to run, and swim, and preferred reading a good book over watching the latest sitcom.
Ellen spoke with fondness of her grandparents cabin on a secluded lake in West Virginia where she would spend her summer months basking in the quietude of sultry summer nights and of memories of sitting on the dock with her foot in the cooling water. I spoke of the quiet cold of the winter nights I spent at my parents ski lodge in Maine as a child. The bitter cold night air would close in around you making the fire in the fireplace the only source of warmth and light.
“Debbie, that sounds fantastic, although I’ll take my Virginia warm nights over your Maine freeze-your-ass-off nights any day.” We both laughed.
“You know Ellen, as I get older I dislike the cold more and more. Plus, I love to be outdoors running or swimming. I don’t get up to Maine much anymore, plus with work and all, and Dan would like to start a family in the next year or two. Although, men make it sound like they are building a new shed when they talk about starting a family. They have no appreciation of what it is like for a woman to commit to that.”
“I know what you mean. John and I just have too much going on in our careers to stop and take the break to commit to raising a family. Someday, just not now.”
After spending two days together with Ellen I had to admit something to myself. I was sexually attracted to her. I’m no prude, and Dan, my husband, and I have a healthy and happy sex life. I wasn’t concerned about my feelings, I felt that really they were just a healthy, natural feeling of attraction to someone you wanted to bond with. The feelings were the desire for the intimacy of friendship to be extended beyond that, to the more physical intimacy of sexual desire. I thought about what it would like to be with a woman, and more particularly Ellen, sexually, and thought that under the right circumstances, I would probably find it pretty fulfilling. But like my girlhood crushes on Tom Cruise, this fantasy was safe, because the circumstances would never present themselves. Or so I thought.
When the conference ended we exchanged emails, and hugs, and promised to stay in touch. From the feeling of an extra touch of pressure on the back when we hugged, I knew that she meant to stay in touch, and, in fact, we did.
Over the next 6 months we exchanged emails and chatted on Messenger online occasionally. Two or three times we spoke on the phone. The conversations were pleasant, delightful actually. I found myself missing her company, and I sensed she felt the same way. The bond we created at the conference remained and grew over the subsequent months and I soon found myself sending her small gifts, butterflies actually. She had remarked on a beautiful butterfly at the conference, and from that time forward whenever I was passing through the gift shops at whichever airport I had been flying through, I looked for anything with butterflies on it. Sometimes it was just a refrigerator magnet, other times a pen, but always a butterfly. Ellen was always delighted to receive them, and I would get an immediate email letting me know how much she enjoyed the gift.
And so 6 months became 8 months then 10 and our friendship grew. The sloe-eyed beauty had become my best friend. I told her everything, and shared my dreams, pain, and joy with her over those few months.
In early August, Ellen called me very excited to speak with me. “Deb, c’mon, my grandparents cabin by the lake, the one I told you about, is free next weekend. Let’s hang out together and have a girls weekend, it’s so quiet and secluded.” My heart jumped. A weekend with Ellen sounded wonderful.
“God Ellen, that sounds fantastic, just us, sort of like a spa weekend for two.”
“So can you come?” she was almost pleading.
“I’m in. Let’s call it the Butterfly Spa Weekend. Wine allowed of course.” I laughed.
“Oh yes,,,by the vat. I’m so glad you said yes. I really want to see you again.” I let that hang in the air a few seconds, it sounded so nice.