The house was too big for one person, but its sentimental value meant it was much too priceless to sell. There were supposed to be kids, a dog maybe, and Zoe. But Zoe had been dead for three years and left behind a broken heart not open for children or any animals. Her clothes still hung in the closet, left untouched as though she'd slide open the door like she did every morning before work. And her favorite mug-the one with watercolor wildflowers-sat unused in the kitchen cabinet. It was as though Zoe the person was gone, but her ghost remained in perpetual torment, as her things could not be laid to rest.
Iris missed her wife. But after three years, she healed enough to get through the day without falling apart. During the first year, she'd lay in bed staring at the ceiling as though she were in a trance. But despite being unable to get rid of Zoe's things, she learned to laugh again, thanks to her best friend, Lucy, and her understanding coworkers at the hospital. She was a pharmacist and did well for herself, having been promoted to a managerial role the year before.
Her curly blonde hair was always kept up in a messy top knot, keeping her soft blue eyes free of strands while running around at work. Being on her feet kept her in decent shape-something Zoe used to admire whenever they'd make love. But these days, she felt broken down and sore, like life's heaviness was constantly draped over her shoulders.
Iris and Zoe bought their three bedroom bungalow right after they married with the intention of expanding their family as soon as it was feasible. But Zoe got caught up at work where she was an accountant. Late nights and early mornings strained their honeymoon phase, but Zoe always promised she'd sweep Iris off her feet once things calmed down.
One night after work, Zoe was murdered while walking to her car in an empty lot. The police said she refused to turn over her things to the mugger, leading to a fatal gunshot wound. Iris cursed her wife under her breath for being so selfish, then she admonished herself for thinking such a thing. If only she had just complied, Zoe would still be laying next to her as she mindlessly scrolled through her phone on the couch.
After an hour or so, a text popped up from Lucy. She wanted to know what the game plan was. Iris groaned, as she had spent a long day running around the hospital and wanted nothing more to sit in her empty living room and veg out.
Iris: No plan. I'm tired tonight.
Lucy: Great! I'm coming over with wine.
Iris laid her head on the cushion. There was no use resisting Lucy's company; in fact, it might be nice to have someone else in her home. Only twenty minutes later, Lucy knocked on the door with a cheap bottle of red and a package of grocery store cookies. They sat on pillows beside the coffee table and discussed their hellish weeks at work. Lucy was a full figured black haired beauty with perfect nails and the whitest teeth Iris had ever seen. They met freshman year in college fifteen years before at a party that got busted in less than an hour. The two girls ran out the back door and hid in an alleyway while a majority of partygoers got slapped with tickets. They'd been friends ever since.
"Did you think about my offer?" asked Lucy. She swirled her wine in slow circles as she anticipated an answer.
Iris reached for a broken cookie piece and shrugged. "I did, and though it's very considerate of you to set me up, I'm gonna have to pass. I'm not ready to date yet."
The thought of seeing someone romantically gave her knots in her stomach as though she had eaten something that didn't sit right. Of course she wanted to find love again, but she couldn't imagine such a thing. Not right now.
"Okay, but she's really sweet and totally your type." Lucy eyed her friend reaching in for another cookie piece. "You might as well just eat the whole damn thing."
"Don't judge me," laughed Iris. She swallowed the soft treat and chased it with a sip of the full-bodied wine. "No, I hear you, it's just...not yet."
Lucy's eyes softened as though she had seen many layers of Iris' grief. She reached for her hand and held it, stroking the soft skin with her thumb.
"You've come a long way. Zoe would be happy that you're living life and not rotting away in bed."
Her words caused a lump to form in Iris' throat. She gave a cough and looked away. "I know. I'm past all that now. But still, it's hard when everything is compared to how it used to be." She found her friend's gaze with dry eyes and smiled. "More wine?"
Lucy stayed until about 9:00 and left behind good spirits, though a steady rain had begun to fall. It was still somewhat early, and Iris decided to catch up on trashy TV since she had the next two days off. She poured herself another glass of wine and stretched out on the couch, ready to watch grown women argue over petty shit for the sake of ratings.
About an hour later, she began dozing off, when there was a quiet knock on the door. Her head snapped up and she wondered if it was real or a hallucination. She stayed still and listened, until a second knock came-this time a bit louder. By now, she had changed into her pajamas and bathrobe, which was quickly tied shut as she hesitantly walked towards the front door. It was late. Too late for visitors. Her heart pounded with anxiety-something that plagued her ever since the murder.
She swallowed hard as her hand found the knob, and she gave it a yank to reveal an apparition. With a gasp, she slammed the door shut and blinked rapidly in disbelief. Surely what she saw was all in her mind. A third knock caused her to flinch, and she trembled when reaching for the knob once more. When the opened door revealed a living, breathing Zoe, she stood in silence, confident that she would wake from a dream. It was so much like the ones she often had-rousing from them in a cold sweat.
"Hey peaches," said Zoe. She had obviously been walking in the rain, as her clothes were drenched. Her dark shoulder length hair hung wet like a mop head, tendrils now matted to her cheeks. She was always taller and stronger than Iris, but now she looked worn down and tired. Though she spoke with a smile, dark circles hung under her amber eyes that gave away a string of restless nights. "Can I come in?"
Iris backed up and watched the woman she buried step across the threshold and enter their home for the first time in three years. When she shut the door, the stillness of the air caused an unbearable tension. But after a moment, she let out a sob and embraced her, crying heavily into her shoulder.
"I know," whispered Zoe. "I know." She petted her wife's hair and held onto her with shaking fingers.
When Iris backed away, she couldn't speak. But her eyes asked how this could be possible. She touched Zoe's pale cheek and slid it to her chest, feeling the deep thump of her heart.
"Let's go sit in the kitchen," Zoe finally said with the point of a finger.
Iris led her into the back as if she were in a daze. When she sat across from her at the oval table, it was like it used to be when she'd come home from work, and they'd chat over a drink or dinner. The memory was crushing.
"Let me just explain everything," began Zoe as she dried her face off with a towel. "As you can see, I'm not dead."
Iris finally found the strength to speak, though it came out in a hoarse voice. "But I buried you, Zoe. I planned your funeral."
Zoe shook her head. "But was there a body? It was a closed casket right?"
The mortician said because of the wound, it would be best to leave the casket closed. But Iris never had any reason to suspect something other than sparing her soul than having to see her wife's murdered corpse. She gave a nod.
"Do you remember how I was working so much before everything? I found a trail in our records that led to discovering millions being embezzled from the company. But I wanted to get to the bottom of it. I linked it to my boss, Mr. Booth-remember him? Well, I went to the police to report it, but I guess what I didn't realize was that Mr. Booth had been stealing money on behalf of the Barino crime family. When I caught onto their scheme, I made some people very, very angry."
Iris couldn't believe what she was hearing. All this talk about embezzlement and the mafia was like a movie.
