Confession

Business Sense

Chapter 3 - Confession

I hadn't set an alarm, so I had no idea what time it was when I next awoke. Checking my phone, I found that it was still early, but late enough to be worth brewing coffee.

While the coffee machine was bubbling, I sauteed mushrooms in olive oil. Half were for my avocado mushroom toast, but the other half were for Jenna. I'd told her I'd be willing to cook her an omelette. It had been a long time since I'd made one, but I could remember how. She'd brought a block of cheese, so I grated some while the eggs were cooking over a few drops of oil.

When the omelette was almost fully cooked, I spread the cheese and mushrooms on the surface, then folded it over, turned off the heat, and put bread in the toaster for me.

Jenna was soundly asleep still, but I was less reluctant to touch her than last time. I stroked her neck while saying her name until she opened her eyes. They were clouded with sleep until they softened as she smiled. "Morning," she croaked.

"I swear, you're the hardest person to wake up," I said, then held her pillows as she sat.

"You have a lot of experience?" she asked. "I thought the girls from the club didn't stay the night."

"Ouch," I said. "You make it sound like there were legion. I just know you're hard to wake up."

She sipped her coffee. "Do I smell food?"

"I was just about to bring yours through," I said.

"No need," she rasped, pushing back the covers. Her sleep shirt had ridden up to expose her navel and pale blue panties. "Oops," she said, pulling it down as she slid out of bed. She took my arm for stability as she stood, then released it to follow me unsteadily to the kitchen, bringing her coffee mug.

I slid her omelette onto a plate, then presented it to her with silverware before working on my toast.

"Well, damn," she said. "You really made me carnivore food."

"I said I would," I replied, then sat with my own coffee and breakfast. "I'd be a poor host if I didn't feed you."

"Thanks," she said. "Also, this is good."

"I didn't ask if you like mushrooms," I said. "I might have had to toss it and start over."

"I do," she said.

"Last night, you said you wanted time to talk." I was working on the very last of my breakfast. I ate as Jenna looked down at the remnants of her omelette before replying.

"I did, didn't I? I didn't plan to mention that until today."

I washed the last of the toast down with coffee. "It sounds serious."

"It isn't," she replied, immediately, then added, "Well, it is, but it's nothing bad. I hope. What's the weather like?"

I frowned at the change of topic. "Let me check," I said, taking my plate to the sink, where I could see out of the window. The sky had lightened while we were eating. "It doesn't seem to be raining, but everything's wet. There may be a light drizzle. I'm sure it will be colder than yesterday was."

"I guess that rules out going for a walk," she said.

"I don't mind. I can dress warmly, and I have a spare umbrella if the drizzle is too much."

"Okay. Let's go for a walk around the block. It will be easier if I don't have to... never mind. Can I wash the dishes?"

Shaking my head, I took her plate. "It will only be a second to get them into the dishwasher. Do you want a shower?"

"Maybe when we return. I'll probably want a shower to warm up," she said.

"Okay, you go get dressed. I'll find warm clothes after you're done," I said.

~~~~~

After Jenna was ready, I grabbed the top tee shirt on the stack, jeans, socks and a thick sweater. After dressing, I took my boots to the door, then retrieved Jenna's coat and my own from the closet before stepping into my boots and tying them tight.

Outside my apartment, I locked the door, and when we reached the sidewalk, I fell into step beside her, our arms brushing. "So, what do you want to talk about?"

"First, I have a question. After the faire, a few weeks back. Why did you kiss me?"

My heart skipped. It was going to be

that

conversation. Except I had no idea what

that

conversation would be. I just knew it was needed, and that it could break my heart. "Because I wanted to," I answered, honestly.

"That's all?" she asked. "Because if that was the case, why haven't you tried to do it again? Did you stop wanting to?"

"No," I said. "But that was when you were... uh, questioning? it seemed. You'd surprised yourself when you realized you'd get a kick out of loosening my shirt. You were having feelings that... that I think weren't a hundred percent straight. If the thought of undressing me was giving you a thrill, the thought of kissing me might spur more feelings."

"Are you saying you think I'm not straight?"

"I don't think most people are

entirely

straight or

entirely

gay. I mean, if Chris Evans hopped out of a car right now and asked me to go to the next Marvel premiere with him, I'd have to give it serious consideration. I think you have a little bit of attraction to girls, and the idea of loosening my top, not even taking it off, gave you a rush. So yeah, you might have a little gay in you."

We trudged along the muddy street in silence for several minutes. Then she said, "You're wrong."

The flatness of her tone threatened that potential heartbreak. But Jenna had plenty of self-awareness, and I didn't see her dismissing an idea so starkly unless she'd given it consideration. She wouldn't deny what I thought I'd seen without cause. "Okay..." I said.

"When I went dancing with Chris, I learned something about myself," she said after a moment. "Something I think I've known in my heart for a while. The faire just forced me to consider it."

She took a deep breath, not looking at me. We reached the end of the street and turned the corner before she continued. "I was standing with him, looking out onto the dance floor. Everyone was in their mating plumage, tee shirts and jeans or sparkly tops and microskirts, and I realized there wasn't a single guy there I wanted to make out with. Including Chris. But there were a couple of girls there who gave me the same kind of thrill that I got with your corset thing. One in particular. She had a short top and long, long legs. I pictured myself running my fingers down those legs, and I felt a flash of heat. I suddenly felt the strongest urge to have my lips on hers. And I have never, ever, felt that kind of want for a guy."

"Did you get her name?" I asked.

"Hush. Let me finish my story. And no, I didn't, and I don't want it. You're wrong, because I'm not a little bit gay. I'm a

lot

gay, and I... I've spent years not knowing that about myself."

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Yeah, I am. But I feel very weird about it. All those boyfriends, all those dates... the sex... how could I not know?"

"I don't think it's rare," I said. "Some people take decades and a marriage or two. But it has to be a shock to you."

The drizzle seemed to be getting heavier. A couple, heavily wrapped in coats and scarves, was sharing an umbrella while walking through the small city park. There were no kids in the playground. "Should we head back?" I asked.

"Not yet. Let's keep going around the block," Jenna said. "There's more I need to say."

"Okay," I said. We turned and continued walking. My hair felt damp, while Jenna's glistened.

"Thing is," she said, "I wasn't looking at the girls at the dance club out of idle curiosity." She chuckled, but it sounded forced. "It was for science!"

"That's always my excuse," I said. "You wanted to eat that girl's face for science."

Jenna nudged me. "Hush. You're an ass. Or maybe you are a demon after all." She bit her lip. "You don't try to hide the fact that you like me. I figure you won't make a move because you think I'm straight. That's fair, because I thought so, too. But I like you, too, and I couldn't tell if it's because I'm very close to you as a friend, and a little confused about my feelings, or I'm really attracted to you. I think all these late night visits, these sleepovers, they were all part of the same grand science experiment. Now that I know I'm not as straight as I thought, I know I'm not fooling myself. I like you... I like you in a romantic way."

Trying to control the excitement that surged in my belly, I steadied my breathing. "Isn't science wonderful?" I chuckled. A drop of rain landed beside my nose and ran downward. I blew it away when it reached my lips. "And you brought me out into the cold and wet to tell me you have feelings for me?"

"I don't know if you've noticed, but when we're close, and I look at you, I get tongue tied. I say things like you're very interesting, to stop myself from saying I want to eat

your

face. When you tease me about sleeping nude I want to say holy hell, yes... except I don't think I'd survive the experience. I have trouble enough with your pajamas." She cleared her throat and added, "Do you know how much of your breasts they show from the side?"

That made me grin. I liked the way they felt loose on my body, but if I saw myself in the mirror, it was usually straight on. "That's fair," I said. "My brain almost exploded with your dress at the dinner-not-date," I said.

"I did notice." Jenna still sounded apprehensive, but there may have been a smug tone to those words.

"At least I admit it, unlike Miss..." I raised my voice in pitch, "'Oh, I don't know what's happening to me,' as she unties my top. And stares at my sideboob, apparently."

Jenna slapped my arm. "I knew what was happening. I just didn't want to admit it." Her tone became more serious. "I think I always knew it wasn't just friendship. But I worry. I'm doing science. How can I be sure my feelings are real, and not a result of me '

waking up

' and latching onto the first girl I'm close to? The first girl to kiss me? If there's a chance I'll hurt you, maybe you'd be better seeing Cade."

Raindrops were hitting my face sporadically now. "I think it's umbrella time," I said. "We can share, unless it gets worse."

Jenna nodded as I opened my umbrella. We moved closer together as we kept walking. "It's Monday," I said. "Would you be interested in going to Gabby's this evening? See how you feel in a large company of lesbians. Dance with a few of the girls. Some of my friends are likely to be there. I think you'd like them. Maybe it will help you contextualize your feelings when you know how you react to other gay girls."

We walked on in silence for a minute. Rain was pattering constantly on the umbrella now.

"They won't be trying to pressure me into a one night stand with one of them?"

"It isn't like that," I said. "I've never been pressured." Which wasn't quite true. Val had pushed hard until I succumbed. And Ann had been persistent, though I'd always succeeded in turning her down. But both of those were when I was single. Jenna would have me in tow. "I'll be there."

After a moment, she said, "Okay. I think... I think I would like that. Though it's going to be weird being around all of your exes."

"They're not really exes," I said. "I was never in a relationship with any of them."

"They're still women you slept with," she said, acerbically.

"Well, yeah," I admitted. "But they're no more than friends, now."

"What should I wear?" she asked. The apartment was in sight now, so even though the rain had picked up further, we wouldn't need to run.

"

Not

the blue dress, unless you do want everyone to hit on you. Tee shirt and jeans is fine, a little fancier is okay, too. I'll wear what I was wearing at the restaurant, and I've seen Clare wear her outfit at Gabby's, though usually it's a blouse and jeans."

"Alright. I have to go home anyway, I'll find something."

~~~~~

"So, this isn't awkward at all."

Jenna was leaning against a wall, holding the mug of coffee I'd just handed her, while I stood with my own cup. I'd showered before brewing coffee, and my hair was still damp. Jenna had decided to wait until she was home for a shower.

I grinned at her. "Hey, it was your idea to drop all that on me outside."

"What should I have done?"

"Oh, I dunno," I replied, "just kissed me, maybe?"

"While we were both in pajamas?" she countered. "That sounds dangerous. Especially with your..." Her eyes flicked down to my chest momentarily.

"You really like that top," I commented.

Her eyes seemed dark. "Yeah, I do."

"Come back this evening, and I'll wear it again," I said.

"I might just do that," she said.

"Meanwhile, how to unawkward this?" I set my coffee down, then reached for hers.

She took another sip before handing me her mug. "I don't think that's a word."

I set her mug down, then moved to stand before her. "It may not be, but it's a thing that needs to happen." Then I lifted my hands to her cheeks and drew her face close, taking her upper lip between my lips and sucking gently before releasing her.

Jenna's breathing was instantly heavy. Her expression seemed as shocked as it had when I'd kissed her after the faire. "Are you okay?" I whispered.

"Yeah," she said, her voice sounding rough. "Yeah, I am. It's just... shit suddenly got real, didn't it?"

"I think it's been real for a while," I said. "We're just admitting it." Then I took her lip between mine again. This time I drew my tongue along it before releasing it.

Jenna's hands moved from her side to rest on my hips as I returned to playing with her upper lip, just suckling briefly, then moving back. She began to close her mouth around my lower lip, returning the kiss. As delicate as the touch was, I could feel her rapid breath against my face.

Backing away again, I lowered my hands to her shoulders, meeting her eyes, which had become darker and seemed unfocused. She seemed content to let me lead, for now. I parted my lips and moved them back to Jenna's, only closing them slowly around her upper lip as my tongue explored.

When I next approached her, it was with my mouth already slightly open, tracing Jenna's lips with my tongue. After a moment, I felt the tentative probing of her tongue against mine. Parting my lips further, I pressed them to Jenna's, drawing my tongue over hers. She shivered, then lifted her hands to my back, drawing me close as her reserve crumbled. Her tongue met mine again and she moaned into my mouth.

Drawing my tongue back, I felt hers chasing it. I nipped it with my teeth, then pulled back and grinned at her.

"Damn," she breathed. "Kissing a guy was never like this."

"I hope not," I retorted. "Not that I'd know."

She smirked. "Next you're going to tell me you have an orgasm every time you have sex with a girl."

"I won't tell you that," I said. "Not every time. Most times it's two or three." Jenna's mouth fell open. "Sometimes more, I guess, but I've never taken an abacus to bed." I wasn't even sure how to count the one night with Val. Whatever it was she did with her fingers, I didn't know if it would count as one amazingly long climax, two, with the second building right as the first ended, or several in succession. I just knew that she'd kept me coming for minutes.

"More than three? You're serious," Jenna said.

If my relationship with Jenna progressed to that point, I realized, I might be setting her up for disappointment. "Well, that's not really the issue," I said. "I've never not had an orgasm, or given my partner one, which I think is what you wanted to know. In my experience, which I admit is more limited than most Gabby's patrons, it hasn't been a problem." I ran my palms down her arms. "You said once it doesn't usually work out for you."

"Yeah," she said. "Without mechanical help, at least."

"I think you deserve better than that," I said, "whoever you're with." I released her and stepped back. Obviously I wanted that person to be me, but she still had to resolve her feelings. "Shall we take our coffee to the couch and watch more of our show?" I suggested.

"Kiss me again, first," Jenna instructed, so I did.

This time, I found it hard not to let my hands roam. When we separated, it was with a delicious frustration on my part. I might have been able to entice Jenna to go further. The look in her eyes seemed to say that she wanted that. But I didn't want to fuck up what we had by pushing. I smiled at her, then handed her her coffee mug, and we moved to the couch.

Subtitles are no use when you're lip-locked with your friend, and even the English audio track isn't helpful when your only focus is the way her tongue feels against yours. We discovered that we had to pause the show when the need to kiss again overcame us.

We were managing to keep the interruptions down to only two or three per episode, though it became increasingly difficult not to let hands wander into sensitive territory. Jenna had explored my hips, waist, back and neck as much as my hands had travelled hers.

Of course I worried that we were going so slow that Jenna would lose interest, but that didn't seem to be a problem. She hit the pause button on the remote at least as often as I did.

We took a break from the TV in the early afternoon. I made us a snack, then we watched one more episode before turning the TV off. Jenna claimed to be enjoying the series. Maybe we'd try binge-watching Orange in a couple of weeks.

"Do you want to come home with me?" she asked, after announcing she'd need to leave soon. "We could eat on the way to the club, and I can bring you home afterward. I'll bring my work clothes over."

"I'll need to get changed now. I can bring most of my 'armor' with me to get ready at your place," I said.

It took Jenna a moment to remember what she'd referred to as my "armor," then she chuckled. "Okay."

~~~~~

"I like that top, too," Jenna said as she drove us to her place. I was wearing the blouse with the low neckline and sheer mesh panel. "Before today I've been trying to hide how much I like looking at you. With or without your armor."

"

I've

been trying to hide how much I was crushing on you," I said, "but since the painted-on bikini there hasn't seemed much point in trying to hide my reaction to your body. And even if I'd kept my eyes from wandering then, I wouldn't have been able to mask my response to the blue dress."

"I'm glad. I wore it for you, not for Erik."

"I'm sure he appreciated it anyway," I said. "And I

think

you mostly wore it to keep my eyes

off

Clare. We really are just good friends, you know."

Jenna flushed and looked away for a moment. "You may be right, and if you were into Clare you wouldn't both have found other girls to date. I was heartbroken that you'd gone out and found a girlfriend," she said. "I guess I can admit that, now."

"I was heartbroken you were getting frisky with Erik," I said.

"I wasn't!" Jenna objected.

"You were in my head," I said. "I don't even know what mental Jenna got up to with him. I've tried to block the entire situation."

She burst out laughing. "Mental Jenna? Did Mental Jenna ever spend time with you?"

"I think that's a secret I'll take to my grave," I replied. "Especially since if I share it, that will probably bring the grave much closer."

"You're probably right," she said. "It's better that I don't know." After a moment she said, "Oh, hey, I hadn't thought about this. Do you have a problem with cats?"

"No?" I frowned. "What kind of problem?"

"Are you allergic to cats?" she asked, "And do you object to me owning cats?"

"Oh, the vegan thing?" I asked. When she nodded, I said, "I keep telling you, I don't want to impose my views on anyone. Cats are wonderful, independent creatures, and I'm not allergic to them. I'd never get another cat unless it was a rescue, but still, what anyone else does isn't up to me."