Author's note:
I wanted to share my deep appreciation for the wonderful recommendations made by the talented editor, neuroparenthetical.
Browsing: Pleasure in a NY Minute
With her petal-pink lacquered index finger, Sara drew a copy of
True Secrets of Lesbian Desire: Keeping Sex Alive in Long-term Relationships
towards her. With some time to herself after a long day of client meetings in NYC, she was seeking insight into the demise of her relationship with Alex, in the relationship self-help section of a hipster bookstore.
Overpriced coffee in one hand, she held the paperback book open with her other hand, flipping its pages with her right thumb as she skimmed its contents. With no alternative, she used her pinkie as an anchor to splay the pages wide.
"You seem good with your hands," mused a female voice.
Sara startled, she hadn't realized that she was being observed. She wondered how long she had been watched, and scanned for the source of the voice. Her gaze quickly met a pair of unusually blue eyes through the empty space in the stacks. Sara had never seen that shade in real life before, only on television. likely enhanced with the aid of colored contact lenses.
Upon realizing it was a butch who had spoken to her, Sara hoped that a double entendre had been intended. The lurker knew she was in the relationship section, thanks to the prominent label identifying the topic of each row. Sara considered that was something of a toin coss: looking for one or in one already? Sara wasn't entirely out of her last one in her head, while looking for a new one. She suspected her former partner had no such categorical confusion--Alex was looking.
"What are you reading?" the lurker inquired.
"Oh, nothing really, yet." Sara replied. "Just looking." She shoved the book with the incriminating title back onto a random space on the shelf closest to her. Though intrigued by the woman addressing her, she remained noncommittal in her response. It was New York City after all, and it seemed prudent to be cautious regarding strangers speaking from the anonymity of the shadows.
Just then, the woman rounded the corner, crossing from "True Crime" to "Relationships," within a half-dozen confident paces.
The pair of eyes belonged to a petite woman, with a pixie-like appearance and the physique of a long-distance runner. Her blue eyes seemed out of place under her bushy eyebrows and the mop of dark curls atop her head. Her heart-shaped face and diminutive cupid's bow lips, which would have made her popular with gentlemen in the 1930's, seemed oddly juxtaposed with the cut of her men's business suit.
"What are you looking
for
, exactly?" the woman continued, boldly.
Flustered by the question, Sara deflected again. "I usually browse with no expectations. Wait to see what strikes my fancy..."
"And have you seen anything you fancy here?" she pressed. Her blue eyes flashed intelligently, peering through Sara expectantly, awaiting an answer.
How was Sara to answer such a direct question? She didn't know whether to be excited or annoyed at being put on the spot. Should she answer at all? To her dismay, Sara blushed, and stammered, trying to stall.
"I see," the woman said, ending Sara's misery. She appeared amused by the interaction. Witnessing the woman's smirk, Sara had the feeling she was part of a game she hadn't realized she was playing. She was attracted to this woman's quick wit and confidence, but also felt vaguely off-balance from their exchange.
She felt a bit like prey.
"Well, if you haven't yet found anything you're
certain
you like here, and you already have your coffee, join me for a drink around the corner."
"But we don't even know each other," Sara replied. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them. They sounded so weak, spoken aloud...nothing like what a true New Yorker would say.
The woman wasted no time in responding, speaking quickly so as not to give Sara another chance to waffle. "How did you meet your last lover? Probably online. And how much did you know about them before you met for a drink?"
Sara thought of her text exchange with Alex before they had shared their first surprisingly intimate sexual adventure. She felt unnerved by this woman's clairvoyance for a moment, before realizing that most people in their forties probably met online. It had been a safe guess.
"Well, for starters, I knew her name and profession," Sara countered.
The wiry woman chuckled. "My name is Kim, and I'm an attorney. Better?"
She handed Sara her business card, identifying her as a partner in a law firm at an impressive address in Manhattan.
Understanding that she was an attorney contextualized her oddly aggressive approach. At least Kim was likely to be on the right side of the law.
"Actually, yes. Better."
"How about that drink? Seems like you could use one." She winked. Her confidence was surprising.
Sara tried to see herself through Kim's eyes. Was she giving off desperate vibes? Did Kim think she'd be easy to pick up--lack of ring signaling that she had failed at a long-term relationship and might now be on the rebound, based on the book title she'd just been holding? Admittedly, one was true and the other was probably true. Sara just didn't like being so quickly figured out. She didn't like that she'd been so easily snared.
Sara was still dressed professionally, wearing a simple black dress, paired with black nylons, that led down two shapely calves to 2-inch patent leather heels. Her hair was swept up in a messy bun; highlighted tendrils emerged from her temples, framing her face. Was it possible Kim just found her attractive, and hadn't noticed the book's title?
Sara decided she would excuse herself to the bathroom and Google this stranger. If her face checked out as matching the person listed by name on the business card, she would go for the drink. An evening out with a butch attorney in the Big Apple was likely to make for a more memorable evening than another evening spent alone, rehashing losing Alex and reading more relationship adviceβadvice that was 2 months too late anyway.
***The Drink***
"A Cosmo for you," Kim stated, more than asked.
Finally-- Kim had gotten it wrong. Sara felt palpable relief.
"Actually, I like a nice Cabernet Sauvignon."
Her favorite drink was actually a Manhattan, but she didn't want to admit to that while in Manhattan. Too cutesy.
"Really?" Kim asked, leaning back to study Sara, equally surprised that she'd guessed incorrectly.
"Yes, I assure you," Sara replied.
Sara couldn't put her finger on what she found so unnerving about Kim. She had always been drawn to self-confidence, but Kim seemed to assume that she was always right and that she would always get her way. Perhaps Kim frequently was, and frequently did, but "always" pushed into hubris nonetheless.
The waiter arrived at their table and Kim ordered for both of them, in the same rapid-fire clip Sara had registered at the bookstore. She didn't want to give Sara a chance to be assertive. It had been a decent trick the first time. Sara wasn't as overwhelmed or as impressed by it the second time.
When the harried waiter disappeared again to place their order, Kim led with, "Tell me about you."
Sara felt like she was being interviewed for a job, and she clunkily produced a brief life sketch. Similar summaries in her twenties had focused on her potential--her hopes and dreams based on scant experience: a summer internship, a trip abroad, a class that interested her. As she spoke, she realized that, in her mid-forties she was sharing the aftermath of those hopes and dreams--the consequences of choices she'd made during the first half of her life, plus the inevitable surprises that didn't stop coming just because you were older. She shared her career change, her kids' ages, her divorce, and her move. Kim watched Sara as she spoke, analyzing her words, noticing her micromovements, and probing ever deeper, with a pepper-shaker of pointed questions.
Kim's own self-disclosure was much more succinct. She was born and raised in Manhattan, had always wanted to be an attorney, was aggressive in court and highly effective, had never married, and had no kids or pets.
The circumstances of their dating scenario called for making small talk: keeping the conversation light-hearted long enough to convince one another they were each normal enough to trust for at least one evening. Kim was barely playing that game. Sara struggled to connect with this intense creature before her.
They drank and conversed for about an hour; by the time Kim retrieved her platinum credit card from the waiter, Sara was feeling pleasantly buzzed. Still, she was surprised when Kim laid her hand across Sara's wrist.
It was an unusual gesture-surprisingly intimate for two who hadn't touched before.
"My place is around the corner. Come home with me."
Sara hesitated.
The one thing Sara was confident of was that she didn't understand Kim. And because she didn't understand her, she couldn't divine her motivations, which meant she couldn't anticipate her behavior. Sara assumed she'd be just as off-balance and vulnerable during any physical intimacy.
Ultimately, though, Sara decided she would regret not having the liaison more than having it. She hadn't been with anyone since Alex, and she knew she wasn't ready for a real relationship yet. While Kim was oddly intense, she didn't seem dangerous and was clearly driven. If there was anything Sara felt she could predict, it was that Kim would be a passionate lover.
Sara rose from the table, placing her neatly folded napkin on the table in front of her, and extended her wrist towards Kim for the taking.
***Kim's Place***