I opened my eyes, blinking sleepily. I felt the soft, warm body curled against me, I smiled as I remembered Missy, how we had collapsed after the most sex-filled, crazy day I had ever lived. The bedside clock said 7 AM. I was not normally an early riser, but, I got up, took a quick shower, and took a robe. Wrapping the belt around me, I entered the hallway. All was quiet, and I made my way down to the dining room.
"Syndie sweetheart, how nice, come and join your Mom and me!" Donna's voice greeted me.
My Mom smiled, and said, "Up so early, my goodness! I hope you slept well."
Donna giggled as she added, "And did some other things well!"
I smiled, and replied, "Oh yes, did both very well!"
Donna went into the kitchen, got me a steaming mug of coffee, and I joined them at the dining room table. After a few sips, the caffeine started things going, and my mind started to give me grief again. Three weeks before my wedding, and I'd been in a lesbian orgy. Not only that, I'd enjoyed every second of it, and I was beginning to think that getting married at the age of 20 would be a disaster.
Donna was giving me a look, and she said quietly, "Penny for your thoughts Syndie."
I couldn't hold it in any longer, and I poured out my feelings, 20 years old, and the idea of shackling myself to one person for the rest of my life. How it would probably muzzle a part of me that wanted to take root and grow.
Donna said, "I think that my son would probably be a traditional type, and would not understand letting you have the freedom to explore your sexuality."
I replied, "Yeah, he hasn't come right out and said it, but the implication is clear. Now I'm wondering if we even have the right kind of love for such a step. Maybe we are just comfortable, love is there, but not that deep kind of love, that would make it last. I'm starting to get panicky, the idea of getting married, needing more than he can give me."
Donna said, "You have to call off the wedding, then."
I was startled, here was the groom's mother, urging me on to do what had started to skitter around in the back of my mind.
Donna continued, "Never let what you think might be love, be the explanation for being strait-jacketed into a stifling relationship. It would be a massive mistake, to rush into something, when you are just discovering the facets of your growing, expanding sexuality."
My Mom said, "Donna's right baby. If you have even the slightest doubt, don't do it. Rushing in blindly, hoping it will all work out, it won't. You have a lot more than a slight doubt, and you need to call it off."
I said, "How did you and Donna know that you were in love enough?"
I could see the look of love pass between them, and my Mom said softly, "Baby, when you feel it, you know it. Being in love isn't a strait-jacket, it's having someone to love, that loves who and what you are, and what you can be. Someone who loves you enough to know that if you expand your boundaries, they will not only support you, they will always be there for you, as you would always be there for them because you love them so much, you will always want to have that person in your life, who loves you enough to give you that freedom. At the end of the day, after the party, I would no longer feel complete if I didn't have my sweet Donna making my body come alive, taking me into that bliss, then holding me close in a wonderful afterglow, and making me feel like the most loved person in the world. That's how I know that Donna is the one that I will always love."
Donna's eyes were shining, as she joined in, "That's what it is Syndie. We can throw ourselves into an orgy with a vengeance, just like we did yesterday, and after, when we went to our room, I was trembling all over, I felt like a new bride on her wedding night, knowing that my Lisa was going to give me the love I need so much, my body felt it would all have been for naught without my Lisa there with me, and our lovemaking felt better than ever, having Lisa with me, making such sweet delicious love to me, made me complete. I love how she completes me, every time. That's how I know that she's the one I love with every fiber of my being."
I felt that lump in my throat, oh god, I wanted that, wanted it so much.
Donna took my hand, and said gently, "If you can't feel that, then you have to call off the wedding. Look at me Syndie, look me straight in the eyes, and tell me, do you have that, or do you not?"
The warm look made me melt, I felt the tears start, and in between sobs, I gasped out, "No, no, I don't have that," until the crying overwhelmed my ability to speak.