Brenda logged on. She saw Jen right away.
"Good morning."
"Hi."
"How are you?"
"I'm good...how are you?"
"Pretty good."
"Cool."
There was a pause.
Jen typed: "I was thinking about you."
"Oh," said Brenda. "Me too."
"What...you were thinking about yourself too?"
Brenda laughed. "No. You know what I mean."
"I do."
Jen typed a smiley to match the one on her face.
Another pause. Then they talked for a while about the weather, what chores they were neglecting that morning, and the new line of Ziploc bags. Overpriced, they agreed.
Another pause.
"That was a really good chat the other day," typed Brenda.
"Yes."
"I hope I didn't offend you."
"Oh no." Jen wrote. "In fact, I though I might have offended you."
"Oh no."
"I mean," Jen continued. "I guess I really opened up my feelings there."
"So did I."
"I've never really told anyone that stuff before," Jen typed.
"Me neither."
"Like, what would happen if you just admitted something like that to a friend?"
"It would have to be quite a friend."
"I guess either they would avoid you or they would say 'no big deal' or they'd say "wow, me too'."
"Yeah. One of those reactions," Brenda wrote.
"And the risk of them avoiding you is so great...you don't dare say anything."
"I guess there's another reaction though...that they would not avoid you...but not let it go...and make you try to stop."
"Laying a big guilt trip on you."
"Yes."
"I guess that's what I worry about the most."
"You just don't know huh?"
"Instead we keep it secret."
"Totally secret."
"Except here in chat."
"Yes."
"It's so cool that we met."
"Yes," Brenda wrote.
She continued. "I have always wanted to...find another...christian women that struggles with this."
"Oh wow...me too."
"Like...with these powerful urges that are just so off the map...that we can't admit or seem to stop..."
"I know!!!!!!!!!" Jen typed.
"Just...wanting to be able to confess to someone without any guilt."
"Oh...guilt."
"Yeah."
"I'm jealous that there are people in the world who don't deal with this guilt."
"People who can just say 'this turns me on' and be ok with it."
"I wonder how many are just lying."
"You mean they say they are ok with it but they really aren't?"
"Yah," said Jen. "Or they haven't dealt with it...they just push it down so far."
"I guess."
"I really think that it's there but they aren't dealing with it."
"Yes."
"It's true though...that if you've been raised to think of sex as bad...or something with tons of barriers...its going to create more guilt."
"Totally."
"Yup."
Pause.
Brenda wrote, "Of course..."
"Of course what?"
"Sometimes a little guilt can make things even sexier."
"True."
"It's just so cool that we can talk about this."
"That we can confess to each other."
"Oh yah."
"Yeah."
"Confession can be kind of a turnon."
"Yes it can."
"Mmmhm."
Jen paused and took a deep breath. Then she typed very fast.
"Brenda, do you like confessing to me?"
Long pause.
Very long pause.
"Yes."
Jen's heart jumped.
"I like confessing to you too," she wrote.
Silence.
"Jen, does it turn you on to confess to me?"
"Uh huh."
"A lot?"
"A lot."
Brenda continued. "You know...the other day..."
"Uh huh..."
"When we met..."
"Yes."
"I got kinda turned on..."
"Oh wow." Jen wrote. After a little while she typed, "Me too."
"Oh wow."
"Yah."
"Yah."
Jen pushed further. "In fact..."
"In fact what?" Brenda typed a few curious smileys.
"It got me pretty wet."
"Mmmm."
"Really wet."
"What did you do about it?"
"Um"
"Jen, did you touch yourself?"
"Ummmmm."
Brenda laughed some more. "What if I told you..."
"Told me what?" Now Jen added some smileys.
