Jennifer suddenly felt something else. This wasn't a tingle. It felt like a glow...a feeling of intense warmth and relief that someone else understood. Someone else who felt the way she did. But it came with other feelings. She also felt the intense sharp guilt that she always did after she cybered β the deep pit in her stomach that told her all this was wrong. As she confessed that she felt guilty, she felt the guilt return. And there was yet another feeling...of excitement...that here was another woman who was so much like her. That understood her. And who had the same feelings. The feelings about naked people...touching, kissing, playing. Who was also excited by those feelings, just like they excited Jennifer. Who masturbated thinking about them...just like Jennifer.
Brenda also felt the mixed senses...of relief, of renewed guilt, and of arousal. Part of her wanted to just shut the computer off and run away. Another part wanted desperately to know how guilty Jennifer felt...whether anyone could possibly feel as bad, as awful, as despicable as Brenda sometimes felt.
And the last part wondered whether Jennifer was maybe naked right now..or if all this talk had maybe made her want to touch herself...just a bit.
It was very overwhelming. They both felt electrified and more alive than they'd ever been.
They talked more about the guilt. And here the words started spilling forth...no lies, no half-truths, but deep feelings about the hurting, binding, intense guilt they would feel after a cyber session. Masturbating made them feel guilty. The lesbian thoughts made them feel extra-guilty. But nothing felt worse than the cybering...especially mindless, anonymous cybering with some person out there they had never met, who they knew nothing about, and would probably never see again. Just emotionless masturbating with some other sex-hungry userid.
And yet they kept coming back. They kept signing on. They had some intense need...or maybe addiction...that brought them back online...sometimes with their clothes already loose or undone...needing to connect with someone else...needing some kind of sexual satisfaction.
They discovered they had both cybered with men...and had stopped. Many were just unbelievably crude and inarticulate...but others were too real...too nice and genuine...too much like the men they loved and had married and had real sex with in their real beds. They felt guilty about that...but also just uninterested. Men were not as compelling as women.
What was wrong with them? Why were they looking for sexual release with women? Jennifer confessed that it was probably the illicit excitement of lesbianism β being with a man was more conventional, while being with another woman was shocking. In a sense she knew more about a man's body than a woman's body other than her own. She knew how she responded...how her husband responded and how her earlier boyfriends had.....but not how another woman would respond...to her touch. To her gaze. To her lust.
Brenda agreed. There was something just so different...so compelling...about another woman. And yes, it was so wrong. But sometimes she couldn't stop herself, and it became even more exciting to think about how wrong it was in so many ways. To fantasize that another woman was watching her. Seeing her naked. That it wasn't Brenda touching herself, but another woman...touching and fondling and caressing her all over. Exploring her naked body..as Brenda explored hers.
They kept talking...now holding back again...not confessing just how aroused they both were. Jennifer unbuttoned her blouse and slipped her hand inside...first over her bra..then slipping under...carefully moving and feeling the rush she always felt when she touched herself. Brenda's fingers were wandering too...pressing hard over clothes...inching underneath...as she felt herself grow wetter and wetter.
But they didn't tell each other they were masturbating as they talked. Instead they chatted more about these feelings...the guilt, the excitement, the questions about why they did this and what compelled them. They even both went to church...they were good Christian married women...with these secret thoughts so unlike anything they had ever encountered or that were even whispered at women's Bible study. Affairs with men, yes. Lesbian masturbation fantasies...surely that was beyond the pale...nothing that anyone could ever understand.
Except they understood each other. And as they built up to their climaxes...trying to type and keep up with the other...sharing all their feelings but not even hinting at what they were doing ...they felt the glow return, by itself this time. And as they gasped and brought themselves to orgasm...a feeling of acceptance and understanding enveloped them...the sense that someone else understood.
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To be continued
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