I hate Christmas parties. I don't hate my Christmas parties because I am free to be nice, to be polite, or to be firm depending on other people's behavior. I am in the comfortable bubble of work rules and general social courtesies, a power and social structure I understand. Tonight I am at my husband's Christmas party and remembering why I hate these parties so much.
I work for a living. I normally dress very conservatively as I am more than a little on the voluptuous side, and teaching in a high school environment looking like Jessica Rabbit is a recipe for dealing with hormonal students and grabby staff members making an already difficult job unnecessarily troublesome.
At my Christmas party I dress very conservatively because my husband already knows what I look like without clothes and the last thing I want to do is combine my co workers, alcohol and the sudden realization I have 48G breasts on a trim figure.
At my husband's Christmas party I am no longer a working professional woman, but a red haired blue eyed trophy wife, with painstakingly prepared makeup, plunging neck and back lines, rather detested heels, and the fake smile and polite social laughter that makes me feel like I stepped of the set of the Stepford Wives.
I will be the first to admit I do not understand the pecking order, either corporate or social (very different). The need to be arm candy and polite company at times to score points for my husband in whatever social games the men play is balanced with the "run along and play" times where we spouses are expected to amuse ourselves while the grownups network, or kiss ass, depending on your honestly level.
The bulk of the normal wives take one look at me and assume I am one of the trophy wives and avoid me like I had the plague. The trophy wives and I don't get along because I think they are vapid shallow parasites, and they think I am a complete unlettered barbarian because I neither know nor care about fashion, trends, or who is hot in social media.
Normally, I am stuck drinking wine (which I dislike) because drinking anything heavier can lead to whispers that you have a drinking problem which will cost my husband points at work, and not drinking anything will mean my hands are both free when the desire to strangle these women when they ask a spa, nail, or hair related question like it was worthy of the same level of discussion as a doctoral thesis defense. Strangling them is also bad; I asked.
My husband's assistant Eva saw me making pained small talk with the trophy wives and cut over like a shark through a school of tuna. She was in an elegant black dress with a smirk on her face that matched the wine glass in her hand but not the look in her eyes. The eyes were the sort of hard predatory look you expected from a shark that caught you too far from the reef to escape and had marked you from amongst the rest of the school as her prey.
Eva was a bit mad at my husband because she found out that he had not put her in for the promotion he had promised to, as he didn't want to train a new assistant, and was more than pleased with how much her work freed up his time. Seeing her headed straight for me smiling made me nervous. I deal with direct confrontation well, but honestly suck at the passive aggressive sniping of catty girl talk.
She walked right up to me and gave me a hug, pressing her body against mine, cutting one of her thighs between mine and letting her hand slip down my back to push me against her thigh. She held the hug, while moving her body, and babbling happily about how NICE it was to see me, how she could never get enough of me.
The conversation was so bright and cheerful I couldn't object, without starting the scene I so wanted to avoid, but her hand was cupping my ass, and grinding my crotch against her thigh. I was feeling more than a little awkward, plus her rubbing her breasts against mine was making both our nipples perk up and in either of our outfits that would be instantly noticeable.
I tried to push her away by grabbing her hips and pushing, but she leaned down to brush her lips against my neck and whisper, "Be a good girl, and don't make a scene. I am very unhappy with your husband right now, and you really want to be on my good side."
The threat should have drawn a reaction from me, but the gasp and hot blush that swept over my face and upper chest had everything to do with the feel of her lips and breath on my neck under my so very carefully styled red hair.
She laughed low in her throat, and turned to the trophy wives to begin her attack. Everyone was smiling, everyone was polite, but everyone except me was smiling because cats always smile when the claws came out.
"Don't you love Jan in a dress? I mean she usually dresses less like a teacher and more like a nun. I don't see why, with her body she could earn her salary and her husbands combined without ever getting out of bed. I know two thirds of the staff here would drop their bonus cheque to find out if the carpet matches the drapes."