Part 1 of 3: The Learned Student
Christina grabbed her things and left the dorm. She didn't wear a bra, but she didn't think anyone would notice.
The early morning office meeting with Professor Kelly was scheduled for 9 am sharp. Christina waited in front of the office. The professor wasn't there yet.
By 9:13, the professor walked briskly down the hall carrying a stack of papers and her purse. Professor Kelly was a tall voluptuous woman that moved gracefully. Her presence was commanding. She could be stern if necessary, but she was mostly friendly. Even in her middle age, the students considered her to be the 'cool' professor on campus.
"Sorry I'm late," the professor said.
"No problem at all."
Professor Kelly struggled to reach for her keys while her arms were full, but she managed to open the office door.
"Please, come in. Make yourself comfortable."
The professor put her stuff down in the messy office and she sat behind her desk. Christina sat across from her.
"You seem busy this morning," Christina noted, looking at the mess.
"I'm always busy," the professor replied. "Try grading midterm essays for over a hundred students."
"Yikes. I can imagine."
Professor Kelly leaned back in her seat to relax from the already busy morning.
"So, what can I do for you, Christina?"
"I was hoping to get your advice on some things."
The professor nodded. "Let's hear it."
"I'm almost finished with my degree in English and a minor in Women and Gender Studies. I've already spoken to my parents and I want to pursue a Master's in Literature."
"You sound like you've made a firm decision."
"I have," Christina replied. "I want to become a full-time novelist someday. I think a Master's degree would help improve my credentials and writing abilities."
"Don't you know that most novelists live tortured lives and are destined for poverty?" the professor joked.
Christina gave a faint smile, "I'm aware of the potential consequences."
"What kind of novels do you want to write? Any ideas?"
"I have some ideas that I'm working on. Stories about women's lives. The struggles they experience. Different cultures. Things like that."
"So how can I help?" the professor asked.
"Well, to be honest, you're my biggest writing influence. I've read all of your novels. I love your writing style and themes of female empowerment."
Professor Kelly gave a faint smile and nod. "That's very kind. Not many students have read my novels."
"That's unfortunate. You're amazing."
"And I'm assuming you need some tips," the professor said, eyebrow raised.
"I was hoping you could give me some pointers on a possible thesis paper."
"So you want me to be your mentor."
"Something like that," Christina nodded.
"I don't have a problem with that. You're a wonderful student and a great person. I enjoy mentoring students."
"I hope it's not a burden, though."
"Not at all," the professor replied emphatically. "I became a teacher for this very reason. I feel like this is my contribution to the world. You'll know exactly what I mean when you become a successful novelist someday."
"You're the best. Seriously, you have no idea how happy this makes me."
"I'm glad. But I have to warn you, I'm always busy. I teach a lot of classes and I mentor a lot of students."
Christina nodded. "That's fine. I understand."
***
The literature class had an emphasis on women of color.
It was a mid-sized classroom with over 50 students. Most of the students were white females. The professor gave a lecture on the assigned reading, and the students simply listened.
"Pecola is a very complex character, as you've all read," the professor lectured. "She is someone with a deep longing to become something. Perhaps one of you could share your thoughts as to why Pecola wishes to have blue eyes."
The room was silent for a split second. A few hands were going up when the professor spoke again.
"Christina," the professor said. "Why don't you enlighten us on the reading?"
Christina quickly sat up straight. "Okay."
"Why did Pecola wish to have blue eyes?"
"Because the perception is that having blue eyes is beautiful, and not having them is considered 'ugly' in a way," Christina replied thoughtfully.
"Is it really that simple?"
Christina looked slightly dumbfounded. "Well, that's what the book implies."
"Did you read the book, or did you look at the cliff notes online?"
Professor Kelly's voice was slightly raised, slightly annoyed. Christina was sitting in the middle of the room and other students turned to look at her.
"I read the book," Christina replied, not mentioning that she also read the cliffnotes online like most other students.
"Then give me the right answer. Why did Pecola wish to have blue eyes?"
"Because society views blue eyes as being 'beautiful.' And Pecola wanted to be accepted and to be beautiful."
"You've said that already. Is that the best you've got?" the professor asked with a slightly stern voice, eyebrow arched.
"Did I give the wrong answer?" Christina asked, almost sinking into her chair.
"The novel deals with themes of how society can influence women's perception of beauty and value. Furthermore, it underscores the African-American experience in this country and how they are perceived. Pecola wished to have blue eyes for those very reasons, because she was a black child living in a white society."
The professor continued. "Now, do you see the difference between your answer and my answer?"
"Yes," Christina replied meekly and embarrassed.
"Good," the professor said, turning her attention to the rest of the class. "I'd like everyone to finish the reading by Friday. Be prepared for more discussions."
The students packed their things and left the classroom. Christina was stunned that she had been grilled so hard. She tried her best to hide her emotions. She slowly packed her things and waited for everyone to leave.
When the other students had left, Professor Kelly was still by the desk closing her laptop and gathering her things.
"Did I say something wrong?" Christina asked, walking up to the front desk.
"What do you mean?"
"Those questions. Your tone. You seemed mad at me."
"Do you have a problem with the way I run my class?" the professor asked.
"No. It's just... it was..."
"Don't take things so personally," the professor replied in a softer tone. "I wasn't trying to give you a hard time. But if you want my help, then I expect more from you. I'm willing to sacrifice my time to help you, but you've got to show me something. You have to prove that you're worth the extra attention."
Christina nodded. "Okay, I understand."
"You want to be a writer? It's a brutal world. Critics and readers have no problem tearing you to shreds. If you want to toughen up, this is the place."
"You're right. Thank you. I'll come better prepared next time."
"You were perfectly prepared today. You always are. I know you understand the material. But you've got to speak and write like a professional. If you want a Master's degree, you're expected to work harder than everyone else."
Christina nodded again. "Thank you. I'll keep that in mind."
"If you'll excuse me, I've got another class to teach in an hour."
"I appreciate this, Professor."
"I'm glad. Don't let me down, Christina. I have a lot of faith in you."
The professor packed her laptop and books and promptly left the classroom. Christina stood alone in the room for a moment, still reeling from the humiliation.
***
The following class was the same result.
Despite studying harder and reading more closely, Christina was given another tough time, courtesy of Professor Kelly's rigorous socratic method.
Everytime Christina said something right, the professor kept finding new ways to stump the student in front of the class.
Christina tried to keep a brave face despite the fact that her confidence was shattered in front of her peers. Other students tried to raise their hands to provide answers, but the professor only wanted to hear from Christina.
It was the worst experience Christina had ever felt as a student.
She was on the verge of tears when class was over.
She composed herself in the bathroom so the other students wouldn't see her cry. She planned on skipping her next class so she could lay in her dorm room and listen to Sia's latest album.
Instead, she sucked up her emotions and refused to wallow in self-pity.
She marched straight towards the professor's office. She was determined to have a say. And she wasn't leaving until she got satisfactory answers.
There was another student inside the office. The door was closed.
Christina waited anxiously. Half angry, half shocked over her treatment. She remained baffled that she had been abused in front of everyone. She no longer cared that her mascara was slightly smeared around her eyes. She wanted answers.
The door opened and the other student left. Christina marched inside the office without being invited first.
"Christina, did we have an appointment?" the professor asked.
"No, but I think you owe me an explanation."
"I don't owe you anything."
"Why did you treat me like shit during class?" Christina asked, trying her best to maintain composure. "I spent hours reading that book, and nothing I said was good enough. You made me look like an idiot."
Professor Kelly gave an understanding nod. "Please, have a seat."
"Do you think I'm too stupid to go for a Master's degree?" Christina asked bluntly, sitting down. "Is that what you're trying to tell me?"
The professor sat behind her desk. "Frankly, I think you're one of the brightest students in my class."
"It doesn't seem that way."
"I'm always truthful with my students. Being honest is part of a productive learning environment. Believe me, I've been doing this for a very long time."
Christina wiped around her eyes. The tears were gone. The emotions cooled. She began to relax.
"I just don't understand why you've been treating me like this. I thought you wanted to help me."
"I am helping you," the professor replied. "You lack confidence, in my opinion. It's something I've noticed about you, the way you speak in class, and the way you write your assignments."
"I think I'm a pretty confident person," Christina replied with a half shrug.
"Then why are you crying in my office? I know that sounds harsh, but it's the truth. A lot of great authors are discouraged because they can't handle criticism. I don't want you to fall victim to that."
"I can handle criticism for my stories."
"How do you know?" the professor asked. "You've never published anything."
Christina briefly looked away. "I have, kind of. Nothing professional. But I've posted some stuff online for a story website, you know, for free."
"Fictional stories?"
