Now it was her turn to get serious. "You know it'd be okay, if it were a date? I mean, if you actually went on a date."
I smiled at her, trying not to look guilty. "Thank you, sweetie. You know, the same goes for you. Any prospects for homecoming?"
Cue the teenage eye roll. "Mo-om!"
I laughed, "I'm sorry. You have a good night."
I headed back into my bedroom, after one more stop off in Charlie's room to make sure he hadn't restarted his computer. I closed my door behind me and headed into my bathroom to wash my makeup off and change for bed. Suddenly I was alone with my thoughts for the first time since Sandy had dropped me off. It was odd, walking through the house with a huge secret like nothing had happened tonight. I'd even lied to two of my children. I can't remember the last time I'd done that.
Actually, I did. It was when my marriage had been falling apart. Paige had only been six. She'd known something was wrong, but I had kept telling her everything was okay, right up until the day her father moved out. Since then there'd been nothing to lie about.
I looked into the mirror. Who was I? A mother, an editor, sort of, and a lover? Here, now, it all seemed so ridiculous, but it had happened. My eyes closed as the image of Sandy, her gaze burning with desire, leaned forward and took my mouth with hers. I felt the flush of heat build inside me as our lips moved together in my mind, my legs rubbing together, intensifying the feeling. My eyes opened and I looked at myself again, seeing the blush in my cheeks, the darkening of my eyes. I may not be eighteen and gorgeous anymore, but I wasn't dead.
I stripped, heading back into my bedroom and turning the lock on my door. I headed to my dresser and opened the top drawer. Where was my vibrator? I pushed aside my bras and found it in the back. I also grabbed a nightgown before climbing under the covers and switching on my battery operated boy, ah, I guess I mean girlfriend.
***
"Hi, Mother."
"Hello, sweetheart." Mom leaned in and kissed my cheek before stepping out of the way to let us in. I did the same, and my three children filed past me, giving their grandmother shy greetings, which was normal. None of them were really close to her. Not surprising, since my mom was really hard, maybe even impossible, to get close to. I often wondered how close she and my dad even were.
After the kids went inside Mom turned away from me to follow them into the house, leaving me to come in behind her. Usually that made me feel rejected, but today I felt anger. It dissipated a little as I closed the front door behind me, smelling the incredible aromas hanging in the house.
One thing that I knew was that Mother hadn't cooked. She hadn't cooked anything in decades. Which meant either she'd called in her cook on a Sunday, or maybe... I poked my head into the kitchen.
"Miss Winifred?"
An old woman was standing by the stove, and her face split into a dazzling smile as she saw me. She set down the spoon she was holding and stepped towards me, and I let her wrap me in a hug. "Oh, child, it's good to see you."
I let her warmth suffuse me for a second. Winifred had been like a second mother throughout my childhood, my family's principal housekeeper and cook. Mother had taken intense pride in being able to hire domestic servants, and Father, who'd grown up with domestics, had made sure she only took on the very best. Father had always considered them an extension of the family, Mother, well, while she was never cruel, but she did not extend that feeling.
I gave her a gentle squeeze before I broke away. "Why do you still let my mother talk you into this? You're retired. You should be enjoying yourself."
She gave me a kind look. "I am enjoying myself." She turned back to her pots on the stove. "It'll give me a little extra spending money for Christmas. Besides, that man of mine and Jackson took my grandbabies on a fishing trip, and, Lord, you know me and boats."
"They must be getting big now."
"Oh, yes." She spent some time giving me a rundown of all of her children and grandchildren and everything they were up to. I could feel the pride in her voice, and she listened eagerly as I updated her on Paige, Will, and Charlie.
Our conversation lulled after a while. I was stirring the pot of rice bubbling in the back, and she glanced over at me. "You've got a little more color in your cheeks than last time, Melanie. Anyone new in your life?" Her grin made me blush, and I pulled my head in a bit. "There is! Don't worry, child, your parents won't hear about it from me."
"I don't really know if there's anything there."
"Oh, I think you do. When I met my Anthony, I knew right away. Sometimes you just feel it." She gave me a conspiratorial look. "I'll just ask you one question. Would your mother approve of him?"
I barked a short laugh. "Not a chance."
"I like him already."
I giggled like a schoolgirl, which of course is precisely when my mother poked her head into the kitchen. I'm not sure if her disapproval stemmed from my familiarity with the help or the fact that I was helping her cook.
"Melanie!" The tone of her voice brooked no dissention. "Your father's wanting to see you."
I nodded, before smiling at Winifred, who nodded out toward the living room. "Go on child, I'll see you later."
I ignored Mother's look of disapproval as I passed by into the living room, where all three of my children were gathered around my father as he told a story.
"So there I am, pulling with everything I have," Dad made like he was holding a fishing pole, leaning back into his chair as if he was battling some leviathan of the deep, "and then it happened." He clapped his hands together, pushing one up into the air. "She leapt out of the water, at least four feet, blue, yellow, and silver scales glinting in the sunlight. With the exception of your grandmother in her wedding dress, it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen."
"Did you catch it, grandpa?" Charlie was wide-eyed.
"I did. We fought for over an hour before I had her in the boat."
"Are you going to have it mounted?"
"Oh, no, I let her go. It would have been a crime to kill something so beautiful just for a wall decoration. At least, I think so. But I have some great photos."
He linked his phone to the T.V. and spent the next twenty minutes showing us all the pictures from his trip. We saw alligators in the everglades, manatees floating in the gulf, and, of course, the famous blue marlin. He also showed us pictures of the many different foods he'd tried while in Florida, of course. That, combined with the increasing aroma of Miss Winifred's jambalaya, was making me very hungry.
Fortunately it wasn't too long after that we were gathered around the dinner table. My father said grace, making a point to ask a blessing on Miss Winifred and her family. I knew Dad would make sure she had enough to take home for them as well. I took the large bowl of steaming white rice, scooping a generous portion into the wide, shallow bowl at my place. I passed the rice to Paige on my left, feeling my mother's gaze on my daughter as she took her helping.
Paige's eyes flicked to her grandmother, and she took a smaller scoop than I knew she would take at home.
My mother gave her a significant look. "Careful dear. You'll be shopping for a homecoming dress soon."
I felt a stab of anger. How could she speak to my daughter like that? But, then how could fat-ass me say anything? I moved slightly in my chair, looking down at myself. I'd let my weight destroy my life, drive away my husband, sink me into a depression that lasted years, and that I wasn't anywhere near fully past.
"Remember, Paige, men are visual creatures." The rice reached my mom and she took a scoop about half the size of Paige's. "If you want to get the man you want, you have to make him need, not just want, to pursue you. So, do you have someone you'd like to ask you to the dance?"
Paige gave a little smile and shook her head. "Not really, I'm mostly focused on the season. It takes a lot to keep up with the team and school."
Mother's face screwed up ever so slightly as she took a sip of her wine. "I don't like that you still do that. All that time in the sun is not good for your skin. And I've seen pictures of you playing with that horrid mouthpiece in. It's not attractive."
My father harrumphed. "She'd look a lot less attractive missing her front teeth because she took a ball to the face, Helen. So, I hear you have a new coach, Paige. What do you think of her?"
Paige's face lit up. "She's amazing, Grandpa, she's like, you just want to run through a wall for her, y'know? She thinks I've got a chance to play at the D-I level in college."
As the two of them kept talking, Mother gave me a harsh look, telling me I was a failure and that I was ruining my daughter's life all in one fell swoop. I fought back tears. That wasn't fair. I may be a total train wreck in my own personal life, and an unlovable whale in my love life, but I was NOT ruining my daughter. She was a strong, smart, beautiful young woman, and I was proud of her, whether she had a boyfriend or not. If only I could say that to my mother.