I had been seeing my psychologist Irene for about a year. I was so shy when I first met her. It has taken me this long just to trust her. Unfortunately, I often need to talk about my past. I say unfortunately because it is a difficult past and fraught with lots of things that keep me from moving forward as a young adult. But over time I have come to realize that I feel very sexually attracted to my psychologist.
It's gotten to the point where I can't talk about anything intimate with her without becoming so aroused I have to fight to hide how hard I am breathing. Whenever I talk about sexual abuse with her I get so turned on that I start breathing really hard and I have to fight to suppress it so that she will not notice it.
When I talk about sexual abuse with Irene I no longer feel the pain but rather I see it as an opportunity to talk about anything sexual in front of her. This turns me on more than anything has ever turned me on in the past.
As time has gone on I have worked to be attractive to Irene. I try all kinds of things like being shy or charming or even playing the victim so she will try to rescue me. I guess it's all become a game to me but not to Irene. I can tell she is still trying so hard to help me improve my life and outgrow my troubling past.
Sometimes at the end of our sessions she asks me if i want a hug and holds her arms out for me to embrace her. Sometimes I feel her breasts against mine through all of our clothing. One time her hand accidentally brushed past my erect nipple and I almost moaned from the pleasure.
Recently, I began to talk about a time when I was attacked sexually by a man who was older than I was. I spoke of the very sexual things he did to me and as I talked about this I got more aroused. The truth is that the actual incident was not a good time or even sexually arousing. However, talking about it in front of Irene was a huge turn on. At one point I did cry a little and she came over and sat by me on the couch and held me while I cried.
One day I was talking about how my sexual drive had been destroyed by being repeatedly attacked and she scooted over to the couch and sat by me. I was wearing some loose fitting shorts. I was surprised when she ran her warm soft hand palm open against my skin up the outside of my shorts and along my thigh.
She said "You were so brave"
My clitoris was rock hard. I had to hold back my breathing. I think she thought my fast breathing was a flashback because she started to touch me more and tried to assure me that I was safe. While doing this she slid her hand over my knee and a little way into the inside of my thigh. My back arched a little at that point and I prayed she did not notice it. She asked me if I was uncomfortable.
I told her "Yes a little bit."
She asked if she could sit in front of me on the floor. I was taken aback but was curious and I told her that it was okay to do that. She got down on the floor and was sitting so that her line of sight was directly between my legs. She started to rub her hands all over my legs. At this point I could no longer control my breathing and I was clearly aroused. She told me that it was okay and that I could trust her. She pulled my legs apart a little and asked if I would show her what I meant when I said the man had grabbed my crotch. Her voice was so loving and soft. I told her that I was embarrassed.
"None of it was your fault. If you reacted sexually to him that is normal." Irene said
I was worried what she would think when she saw how drenched and horny my pussy was. I spread my legs and she ran her hand up the inside of my right thigh. As her hand reached the top of my leg her finger grazed my crotch. I moaned. She worked a little more at spreading my legs. She managed to pull my shorts aside so that at this point she could see my drenched underwear.
She groaned a little and said "I can see this rape was very deep for you."
I was so turned on that I could not talk. She pulled my underwear to the side so that my labia slid out into view. They were wet, red and swollen. She smiled. She reached out and grabbed on of my labia and tugged it open. I almost had an orgasm right then. She took the tip of her finger and ran it softly over my very hard and visible clitoris. My pussy contracted. She spoke in a very soft voice again as though she were caressing me with her voice.
She said "I see now what happened to you. We can work on this and get back your sexuality again"
