It started with comments, laughter. Flirting. You didn't want to acknowledge it, but when you think back, both of you knew. She was the senior on a job with you as you worked with your company clients. The two of you would always have a chat app open on your laptops, firing comments back and forth all day long. First it was Teams, then WhatsApp. Then, you made the mistake of kissing her on a work night out.
You've been prepping to tell your boyfriend about something. It's been lodged in the forefront of your mind, agonising you all afternoon as the seconds ticked closer to when you would have to look him in the eye and tell him. There's no way to sugarcoat it.
She wants you, and she's willing to pay for it.
He just sits there, not saying anything. You'd understand him refusing to let you. You prepare your defence in your head. Point by point.
He looks at you and asks: "How much?"
It catches you offguard. "What?"
He smiles. "I mean, we've talked about this before. If you want to experiment with girls, I don't mind, so long as you tell me first. I'm not going to stop you from hooking up with another girl, if that's what you want, you're completely comfortable with her, and," he adds, smirking, "you tell me about it afterwards."
You stare at him for a moment. "So you'd be ok with it?"
"Yes."
"You wouldn't hold it against me?"
He leans forward and brushes your hand with his. "I just wouldn't want you to regret it."
"Neither would I. It's just, well, I haven't..."
"Slept with a girl since before we got together, I know."
You smile at him because he can't help but know what you're thinking about.
It's now the weekend, and you're in her apartment. She's on double your salary, and you can tell just by looking around her flat. You stand in the bathroom, applying lip gloss in the mirror. Fumbling, you knock a blue leather bag from its resting place on the side. A set of underwear falls out, matching baby blue bra and panties in your size. She bought them for you to wear for her.
"Everything ok in there?" she calls from the other room.
"Yes, I'm good," you reply. Shaking, you squat to pick up the spilled clothes. You strip naked. The bra straps snap against your skin as you pull them up over your shoulders. The panties are tight against your thighs. You spend a minute rolling the stockings up your legs so they sit smoothly against the skin. You feel like a whore, a slut, a girl that's been bought in every sense of the word. You don't know how to feel about the fact that she's paying you. You thought you were friends. But what is the exchange of money between friends? Right now, it's just making you shiver with anticipation. Guiltily, you pout in the mirror and send a snap to your boyfriend. He's out with his friends -- you can rest easy.
Tonight is about you and her.
You look at yourself in the mirror, all dolled up and ready to play. You haven't fucked a girl for three years, but you've thought about it. But now, guilt is eating you up inside, the floors of your resolve collapsing in on themselves with thoughts of the woman waiting for you on the bed in the next room. As you look at yourself, you can't help but feel dirty, delightfully disgusted with what you're about to do. At least he will be ok with it, you hope.
You leave the bathroom and find her sitting on the edge of the bed, expectantly. Ever since you discovered your bisexuality, you've known what you want in a woman, and she's not really your type. You like brunettes. A big chest, wide hips, and thick thighs -- like you. Even though she's a redhead, she's also everything else. She looks up at you, blue eyes set in an oval face.
"Do you like that we match?" she asks, pulling one of her bra straps up to fit more comfortably. Your eyes linger on her round, full breasts. "Our boobs are the same size," she says, playfully.
You stand before her as she appraises you. "That's hot," you say. Not knowing what to do with your hands, you clasp them in front of you.