A pale blue glow filled Amber's dorm room, casting a dim light on the barely organized chaos of her college life. She stared at her computer screen intently; it was taking every fiber of her being to not burst into tears. She replayed the conversation she had with her roommate over and over in her mind. It was as though there was a terrible song stuck in her head on repeat with no way to turn it off; mocking her naivety.
"Layla... I think I'm in love with you."
She had dumped out her entire soul, her fears, hopes, and dreams to Layla. She wasn't quite drunk; she was just in that happy state of mind where inhibitions seem so silly and pointless. "Why not say how you feel? What's holding me back?" she thought to herself. She planned out her syllables with measured care, and the naked truth slipped out of her mouth, filling the room with her feelings towards Layla.
Layla's face betrayed an expression that Amber couldn't interpret, and she reciprocated her love, albeit platonic, for Amber. A creeping tightness started closing in on Amber's insides as her brain caught up to her hormones. Too late she realized the enormity of what she said and the implications made her mind race. What started as confidence quickly turned to awkwardness and then blind panic as she struggled to think of what to say next.
"Do... do you think you love me... y'know, like... physically?"
Without missing a beat, Layla replied, "Amber, you are the most beautiful person I know. I love and value you so much. Have I thought about being with another girl? Absolutely, who hasn't? And if I were to be with another girl it would be you. I know with all my heart. But I'm not sexually attracted to other girls. There's just something about a guy's penis that turns me on. I'm sorry I just know in my heart it could never work.
Amber was devastated. But she was reminded exactly why she loved Layla in the first place. She could make her feel incredible about herself even when she was at her most vulnerable. Amber managed to smile weakly and decided at one last desperate plea.
"Would you try... umm... like, if I wore a dildo? I promise it would still feel amazing!"
"I know dildos can feel amazing!" Layla giggled. "I dunno, it wouldn't be the same."
Defeated, Amber left it at that. Layla was soon asleep and Amber was left emotionally exhausted and horny. The internet was her comfort blanket and it didn't take long for her to get lost in the endless pages of the digital world. She scrolled through her standard websites. Nothing was catching her eye until she spied an ad showing two girls entangled on a bed. Her pulse quickened and a familiar feeling hit her pussy, moistening instantly. She had never watched porn before, let alone lesbian porn. She glanced nervously back at Layla and saw her breathing softly. Taking a deep breath, she turned back to her computer and clicked the link.
Her parents had a strict internet policy, and she considered herself a good girl anyway. Porn was taboo in her house, but having moved into her freshman dorm she had most of the privacy she needed to explore the darker parts of the web. The fact that Layla was only a few feet from her was that much more exciting. Amber ached to be laying there next to her, but she was content with exploring this exotic new experience.
As soon as the video started playing, a loud moan played over her computer speakers and Amber's face turned bright red. She hit the mute button as fast as humanly possible and checked over to see if Layla woke up. Apart from shifting slightly, she appeared to be fast asleep. Completely embarrassed, Amber sheepishly turned off her computer and crawled into bed. All she wanted to do was to fall asleep and forget this day ever happened.
Staring up at the ceiling, Amber knew she wasn't going to sleep well that night. She thought back to her high school days and the romantic encounters she had there. She had what she considered a boyfriend back then, but she just enjoyed hanging out with him. They had tried to have sex but she just felt nervous and uncomfortable for the entire experience. It was never the same after that. She felt like she was a kid pretending to play "House" when she was with him. They drifted apart and Amber wore being single like it was a shield. Boys would always try to ask her out and she made up excuses in her mind why she couldn't date them.