For those who have followed my previous story of What Turned Me On; you know I had turned to women for a portion of my life. I turned to lesbian sex, to some taboo, unusual, and erotic nights of pleasure, both in solo fantasies and arousing liberating sex with two different women. Neither situation panned out. The reasons things failed could be endless. Perhaps for them, it was fear, apprehension, or being shamed by family and friends. For me, maybe it was the same. Substantially, I was bolder, unafraid, and willing to risk being involved. Either way, I was experiencing something different. It was a new start, a new opportunity, and a way to release after the emotions of my divorce. Whatever it was, life had taken an absolute left turn for me and I turned into a lesbian. At least briefly.
After Jane and I drifted apart, I accepted things for what they were. Sure, I had hoped for more. It was her that had begun my lust for women. Surprisingly, Mary had come first, but in the long run, Jane was the prize. And I got it. But just as fast as it came, was just as fast as it left. All those feelings, emotions, interests, and successes are detailed in my previous stories, but, let me move forward from Jane on.
About 6 months after Jane and I parted ways, I met George. He was a kind, gentle, caring, compassionate, and decent man. I dated him for a long time. He did ask me to marry him, but I turned him down. I just couldn't say yes. Too many haunting memories, too many fears, too many concerns and I surely didn't want to go through another divorce, if we didn't make it. I know some women who are reading this would say, "What the fuck is wrong with you, you found a great man!" I did. And I loved him. I just wasn't at the point of committing to a permanent relationship again.
It wasn't a choice based on sexuality or a preference. I truly enjoyed being with him and making love to a man again. I just couldn't do it. I liked where I was at in life. I liked my friends. I loved the people and groups I had become associated with. I liked my freedom. I loved being a solo parent for my kids and taking on the role of super-mom and I just didn't want to move from my house or have him drag his stuff here. To have someone here 24/7 and to have to confer everything from dinner to weekend plans with anyone but me. Call it selfish, call it being stubborn-headed, call it being stupid. But it's just what I needed to do.
I was single for several years after George. I never dated anyone. When I got horny, I took care of it. When I had a Saturday night alone and felt the urge, I had toys and videos. I got by. Lord knows I of all people could masturbate with the best of them and at that point, I was very comfortable in who I was, and what I believed. I wasn't longing for women, or men even. I wasn't entertaining the notion of becoming a lesbian or flying the rainbow flag at my front door. I surely wasn't out getting dick from every guy who asked me out. I was just being me. I didn't feel the need to have someone be at my beckon call when my pussy ached, or I felt alone.
As my kids aged and their ignorant father didn't take them when I needed or asked him to, there were times I was calling in favors looking for babysitters, so I could go out with friends, or attend a party or wedding. It began to get very tedious. One day while speaking with another neighborhood mother complaining that I couldn't get a sitter for Saturday night so I could attend a birthday party for one of my friends. She, in turn, told me about a local girl a lot of the moms used. A girl by the name of Amber. Amber grew up in our area, had worked with several families I knew, and was trusted. She provided me Amber's number and told me, to text her and let her know who I was, where my kids went to school the other moms I knew, and see if she was interested in doing some occasional sitting.
I jumped at the opportunity and before I was even back to my car, I had sent Amber a message. Through a few short text conversations, Amber advised she couldn't do the upcoming day I was looking for, but she agreed to meet me and the kids, to see if she was a fit for our needs. The following week, she arrived one evening to meet with us.
I was overly surprised when I opened the door to greet her. Before me stood a young and vibrant 20-year-old girl, with long beautiful brown hair, halfway down her back. She was thin, with a well-kept physique, beautiful brown eyes, a gigantic smile, and a tight perky set of C-cup tits that fit her frame perfectly. She dressed very modern, very lady-like, and was overly friendly and open. My kids loved her from the instant they met her, and I believed I had found a sitter I could trust and someone I could make arrangements with when needed.
Through a multitude of conversations, I learned that Amber attended the local college. She didn't leave like many college-bound kids do. She stayed in the area and worked babysitting jobs and part-time work to supplement her income while attending classes. She was on her way to becoming a teacher and loved the opportunity to sit with kids of all ages to develop her skills in education. She was a perfect fit for us, and I think we were a perfect fit for her.
I hired her numerous times. She did an excellent job. Many nights when I would return from my parties, gatherings, or events, Amber would sit around for a while and chat with me. I was never home too late, so it wasn't like she was leaving at two in the morning, and being out there alone. I enjoyed our talks and getting to know one another and I never; truly never, even thought about sleeping with her or becoming involved. She was in essence, my go-to girl when I needed a sitter and we were developing trust and rapport as time went on.
Over the next 9 months, I hired her as I needed. We even had a glass of wine together, a week after she turned 21 when she was sitting for me. I liked her and I felt in a lot of ways, that she was an "older daughter to me" because we would sit and talk about everything under the sun and had developed such a great friendship. And she was wonderful with the kids. It was a perfect fit.
Surely, she would cross my mind occasionally when I would masturbate. But for me, it was the fantasy of that young hot girl. Someone I would never have a chance with, but entertaining the notion for my own pleasure. I never took it deeper than that, not in everyday thought, or when she was around. Amber was my babysitter, not a possible lover. That is until she showed up on a Wednesday night, unexpectedly, to talk with me.
After she arrived, I ushered the kids into another room as Amber sat on my couch with her head down. Something was troubling her. As I sat down next to her, Amber spoke, "I don't think I can babysit for you anymore."
"Why?" I asked. "Did the kids do something wrong? Did I?"
"No." She answered quickly. "I just have some internal issues going on and I think I should separate from you and this situation." She furthered.
I couldn't imagine what was going on with her. In all reality over the months, I had hired her, I had spoken with Amber about everything we could talk about. Her upbringing, her classes, her grades, the guys she was dating, or at least going out on dates with. Some of her friends, her passion for teaching, her parents. Everything two people could speak about, and she learned personal things about me. Yet she was now here telling me she has some internal conflicts and she doesn't want to babysit for us anymore. There was something more to this. And I wanted to find out. I pressed her for more information but she kept beating around the bush and not telling me the real reasons why.
In the end, Amber would not tell me. She just couldn't spit it out. I didn't want to lose her and if it was something big, like she was pregnant, or was sick, I wanted to be there to help her in any way I could. I asked her to reconsider and begged her to just think about it. Reminding her that I was there for her if she needed me. I walked her to the door and after the door opened, she swung back around and leapt into my arms hugging me so tightly and caringly as she whispered, "I'm sorry," turning around and walking out my door.
I was in disbelief and I wanted to chase her outside to insist she tell me what was going on with her, but since I wasn't her mom or her best friend, I decided I should just let it go and if she needed me, she would know I was a call away. I was disappointed. I felt like I had lost my babysitter, but someone I would get to see frequently and was building a rapport with. After I closed my door, the kids came running into the front room because they heard her leave. I had to lie to them about seeing her that weekend because I felt she was never coming back. I laid in bed that night trying to think of what was so troubling to her that she had to quit working for us. To stop seeing my kids. To stop having the conversations we had. I was at a loss and felt like I had no resolve.
Late Saturday night, I was on my couch sipping wine. The kids were long asleep and I was just about ready to head off to bed when I heard a very faint knock at my front door. I wasn't even sure if it was a knock, or if the house had settled. I got up and turned on the lights as I headed towards the door. I looked out my peephole and saw Amber standing on my front porch. There in the darkness at this late hour. I hurried and put the porch light on, whipped open my door.
"Amber, what are you doing here? I asked. As I told her to come in from the cold.
"What going on?" I asked her.
She sat speechless for a few seconds, but finally spoke, "I felt I owe you an explanation after what I said on Wednesday, so.... I wanted to come see you." She furthered.
"Okay," I replied, "Let's go sit on the couch."
As I walked with her to the couch, I offered her some tea and snacks. As I made tea, she sat in my front room silent. Her head was down, and her mind seemed to be going a thousand miles an hour. When I brought her a mug of hot tea and sat down beside her, she slowly and deliberately sipped from her cup for a while before she spoke.
"Do you remember the last guy I told you I was dating?" She asked.
"Yes, I remember," I told her.
"Well," She paused. "I broke up with him."
