My 45th birthday was on Sunday morning. Middle age had set in, and as old as I felt, I also felt alive and free. I was maturing and discovering life again with my beautiful fiancΓ©e. I was absolutely enthralled with my life, my sexuality, and being in a lesbian relationship. I knew where I was and who I was with. This wasn't just a phase or a trial-and-error experience. There was no turning back. I had decided to move forward with Amber and be with her for the rest of my life. To lay next to a woman every night, to kiss her goodbye in the morning and to only have her pussy.
As I sipped my morning coffee at the counter, I decided it was time to reveal to the world, for those who didn't already know, who I was and where I was headed in life. I grabbed my cell phone, logged on to Facebook, and boldly created a post. I had not yet told some distant relatives, old friends from school, previous coworkers, or even some recent additions to my friends list that I was a lesbian. I downloaded a picture of the rainbow flag and nervously wrote.
"This may come as a shock to some of you, or those who may not know, but I just wanted to let you all know that at the ripe age of 45, I have decided to come out and let you all know I am a lesbian. I am absolutely in love with a woman. Her name is Amber. She is my love, my life, and I plan to marry her very soon. YES, you read that right! I am in love with a woman. I have been with her for two years, we are absolutely in love, and I plan to spend my life with her."
I placed the flag picture as the background and added some photos of Amber and me under my wording. I was racked with nerves and emotions, feeling uneasy. But this was my moment. It was time. As shaky as my hands were, I hit send. My heart was racing in my chest after the post was uploaded, and I saw it appear on my news feed. I had been comfortable with my decisions about Amber and sharing my feelings and love with those close to me, but I had never broadcast them to the world. But in those mere seconds, I just had, and there was no turning back.
Amber must have seen the post on her news feed as she woke up because she came down the hallway dressed in her little, loose, short-sleeved, silky-bottomed pajamas, holding her phone with the biggest smile on her face.
"Good morning," She spoke aloud as she came up and pressed her lips against mine.
"Happy birthday, my love," she spoke softly. "I saw your post. I need to make one too," she added.
As Amber sipped her coffee, she stood beside me in the kitchen. I watched her as she typed away on her phone, posting a similar message to let people who may not have known her situation know about me. I didn't see what she wrote, but after she hit send, my phone chimed that Amber had posted on FB. I read her words and was reduced to tears. She wrote;
Today is my fiancΓ©'s 45
th
birthday. I want you all to wish her a happy birthday. She is my love and my life. My Sun and my Moon. I plan to marry this incredibly smart, sexy, funny, compassionate, and caring woman. YES, I am in love with a woman, and I want to spend my life with her. I am a Lesbian and I am letting the world know.
I hugged her so hard, I think I forced the air out of her lungs. We stood quietly in the kitchen for many minutes, embraced in our love, our spirits, our passion, and our shared belief that we were meant to be together. And that we had just told the world that we were lesbians, we were in love, and we were out. There was no hiding anything anymore.
Amber softly whispered in my ear, "What does my baby want for her birthday today? What can I do to make it special?"
I didn't have an answer. Everything she had done for me over the past few years, all the experimentation, all the sex, standing beside one another, even against some unforeseen odds. Her love, her honesty, our acceptance, coupled with our immediate recent posts on social media, let alone last night's adventures, were far more than I had ever expected. I thought about it as I held her tightly, smelling her hair shampoo.
"Just tell me we'll be alright and be in love forever." Was my response.
Amber pulled from out hug and spoke, "I love you. I don't care if anyone doesn't like it. I want you, your life, your kids, and your heart. I am forever yours."
My heart melted more than it already had. I felt a bit strange, but I also felt safe and comfortable. I knew then, just as I do now, that even though I never expected to be in love with a woman, I was more than happy to spend my life with her. I didn't care if anyone thought it was wrong, sacrilegious, or disliked that I was making love to a woman. It's what I wanted. Each step I had taken brought me to this place, and if I was going to eat pussy the rest of my life, then so be it.
We stood, embracing each other for a long time. Deep inside me, as much as it sometimes scared me that I wasn't in a "normal relationship," it also encouraged me and filled me with pride that the person I chose was the one I needed to be with. I couldn't deny my situation anymore. Deny who I was. And if someone wanted to label me as being a "lesbian," then that was their concern. I couldn't reject who I had become. Who I chose to love, or what I wanted to be. Some may say I was always a lesbian and never knew it. Or had repressed desires that were only brought to light after I discovered sex with women. That may be true.
But for me to be deeply in love with Amber and want to be with her, to make love to her, was what I had chosen. Repressed feelings, deep hidden desires, bisexual or not, or something I just never knew, didn't matter. I just wanted to be with her and continue our relationship. But as the moments passed, the fear I had about responses on my social media, and the reality of the day set back in, I knew we had other things to handle today.
"Well," I suggested. "We do have everyone coming over today, and we need to get this house straightened up and get ready for my party. Maybe we can tag-team the cleaning projects, and perhaps, (I paused briefly, then suggested,) we can take a shower together. We'll have to see."
I pulled away from our hug, looked Amber deep in her eyes, and said, "Thank you."
Amber looked at me as if she were confused. I explained my "Thank you" by expressing my gratitude. By telling her that I loved her, I needed her, and I was so happy that we had decided to stick it out and get married. We were both nearly in tears, filled with emotion and strong in our bond that it would be us.