Always and Forever You

"I can't pretend anymore. I don't want to go home," Lily said anxiously.

We sat back to back, along the wall separating the beach from the sidewalk with our legs propped up in front of us.

"Don't think about it yet, babe. We still have two days. We're going to find a way, I promise you."

"I can't go back to the way it was. I don't want to act as if things are the same."

We'd been inseparable for years, but just discovered the reality of our relationship. There was a lot of soul searching on this trip, trying to comprehend the evolution of our feelings. It had been easy for Lily. On the balcony, wrapped in a bed sheet under the moon, Lily held me, and confessed she'd slipped into a depression when she learned that I'd slept with Derek. "I tried to tell myself that it was because I'd be competing for your time," she said, "or that I was now the last hopeless virgin in our friend circle. But I think I couldn't bear the thought of you being

this

close to anyone other than me."

I wish I'd been able to share the same type of moment with her. I've loved her for as long as I could remember; but I felt like it was only since we got to Florida that I was hit with this type of ah-ha moment.

I reached back and took her hand. "If you'd like, we can tell both our families together."

Lily scoffed. "And how's that going to work out for you, Rosa?" There was resentment in her tone. "Because it's not going to work out for me at all. My mother and father are going to beat my ass with a bible, and probably disown me."

I knew that my parents would take it hard at first, but they loved me, and they loved Lily, and I prayed that they would ultimately want us to be happy. They weren't as religious as Lily's parents, her mom particularly. Mine might just chalk it up to a phase I was going through. "I understand it's going to be harder for you," I conceded. "We can handle this any way you want. We can tell them, or we can keep it a secret for now."

"I want to go away to school. Let's go to Philadelphia," she said.

A sudden school change wasn't going to be so easy. I hadn't been anticipating that kind of expense, the kinds of loans we'd have to take would haunt us for decades. Our school plans had taken a lot of things into account, not this though. "As soon as we get home, we'll start researching," I promised.

In a very swift but graceful manner, Lily managed to jump off the wall and was suddenly back into a sitting position, cross-legged in front of me. I mirrored her position and scooted closer to her.

"You're not upset are you?" Lily asked, her voice filled with worry. "I don't want my feelings here to uproot your whole fucking life."

I took her hands. "It's

our

life, like it always has been. I can't even imagine it without you. Oh, and these feelings? We're just going to let them take us where we're meant to be. If that's away from home, then I'm excited about it."

Lily leaned in closer to me. "I just fucking love you."

I kissed her on the forehead. "And I love you...

more

."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Doubt it, bitch." She checked the time on her phone. "Now where the fuck is Devon? She said 7:30. Why did she need us here this early?"

"She wants to shoot us before the beach gets busy."

"I can't wait though," Lily jumped to her feet on the wall. "This is going to be so much fun. We're gonna be models, Rosa-

belle

."

"And we're gonna have amazing pictures for us to always remember this trip together,"I added.

"You're fuckin' right, you are." Devon came up behind us. "Hey beauties."

Lily jumped down off the wall and gave our new friend a bear hug. "I didn't even know I could look good this early," she said.

Devon took a step back, eyeing her up and down. Lily had chosen her retro black one piece swimsuit for the photo session. "You're perfect in that suit, luv."

When Devon turned toward me, I felt the butterflies take flight. She was gorgeous in a blue cotton skirt and white tank top. The memory of the incident on the bed came rushing back. I still wasn't sure if it had been a wine and pot induced dream, but I wondered if it was real. Were Devon's eyes now inviting me to acknowledge a shared secret? "Hey you," she said, embracing me and holding on tight. "You are fucking gorgeous," she whispered in my ear.

I smiled nervously. If it was a shared little secret, I felt guilty.

"Let's head down to the water's edge," Devon said. "We can start there."

When we reached the waterline, Devon took the camera from around her neck. "Lily, you brought your hat, right?"

"Yep, I have it." Lily pulled the white wide brim hat out of her beach bag and put it on, then struck a pose. Her right hand was poised at her waist, like a model at the end of a runway.

Devon took a few steps back and began snapping pictures while encouraging Lily to change poses, both standing and sitting. Lily tried to suppress her giggles as she followed her photographer's instructions. I felt tears pooling at the sight of her so happy, after what she'd been through.

God, please keep that fucking cancer away,

I prayed silently.

After about a dozen shots, Devon said it was my turn. "Rosa, your white cover-up is so pretty. Let's take a few with it on."

Like Lily before, I took direction from Devon, and with every click of the camera's shutter, I felt more desirable because of the expressions on the two girls' faces, one of them a new friend and very blunt admirer... and Lily. I always wanted to believe soulmates were real, but never expected to find it in the tiny package of my best friend.

"Ok, now you two, together," Devon prompted. She posed us standing next to each other, then back to back. First she told us to be straight-faced, like Vogue models. Then happy and playful.

"Now, I want you to play

Ring Around the Rosie,

" she said. "But don't fall down at the end," she quickly added. "I don't want you sandy... just yet."

"Oh my God, what?" I asked in mild shock. Lily and I both started giggling.

"Just trust me. You're going to feel ridiculous, but the results are going to be great."

I caught Lily's smiling eyes.

Let's give it a go,

she said silently, holding out her hands to me.

"We don't have to sing, do we?" I asked Devon.

Devon looked over her shoulder; a few couples had started to set up for a day on the beach. 'Yep, I think you better sing. No wait. Just you, Lily. I

never

need to hear Rosa sing again as long as I live." She laughed devilishly.

I shot her a dirty look, but we did what we were told. Our hands clasped, we spun in a circle, trying to sing, but barely got the words out through the silliness of it all.

When it was over, I noticed Devon watching us intently.

Lily must have noticed Devon's stare too. "Got something on your mind?" She asked, her voice playful.

"Ummm, well I am a little curious here," Devon replied, letting go of the camera allowing it to hang around her neck. "What's been happening with you two since I last saw you?"

We moved closer to Devon, and I wondered if the expression on Lily's face gave it all away because of the knowing grin that suddenly spread across Devon's face. She dropped to her knees on the beach, and patted the sand beside her. "Sit down. I want to hear everything."

For the next half hour, Lily filled Devon in on what she missed. She didn't graphically detail our intimate moments voluntarily, but Devon did press in a few instances, sometimes looking to me to add perspective, however Lily was more comfortable sharing than I was. Devon looked at me curiously with those emerald eyes.

"I love that I could play a small part in this adventure." Devon said.

"The adventure ends after tomorrow." Lily's voice still had the ring of defeat in it.

Devon's face showed empathy. "You know, it doesn't have to end. You're two girls without a school right now. Why don't you consider one down here? After we're done here, you could get changed, and I could take you to see FAU's campus."

I felt Lily's emotions shift even before I saw her face or heard her voice. "Oh fuck, why didn't we think of that? We talked about Philly or Pittsburgh, but what if we came down here? Luna Beach is

our

place, Rosa-

belle

."

This wouldn't be an easy lift. My parents had asked me to stay within three or four hours if I was going to go away to school. Lily's parents had her leash so short, especially since she was sick, they wouldn't want her to leave the street, let alone the Lehigh Valley. Then there was the fucking money to consider.

Please let's consider this...Please?

As I looked at Lily, a montage of our life together rapidly played in her eyes, slowing only when it reached our year of horror. I saw the memory of myself trying to sob in silence while cradling Lily's hairless head in my lap, so as not to disturb the little sleep she got during those brief respites from the pain.

"Are you sure you have time to take us?" I asked Devon.

Lily beamed next to me. She grabbed my hand and squeezed tightly.

"To get you two back here, I absolutely have time." Devon stood up, and checked her camera settings. "Now that you shared all of this with me, I've got more ideas for pictures if you're interested?"

I suddenly felt up for anything now that Lily's mood had brightened again. Devon pointed us back toward the ocean to where the waves splashed over our feet. Our photographer stood back about ten feet and studied us, as well as the ocean and sky beyond. The rays of the morning sun were like diamonds on the surface of the water behind us.

"I have a really great idea," Devon said, stepping closer to hand Lily her hat. "These pictures are going to be memories for the two of you to have forever. Memories of when your devotion to each other transformed into something even more wonderful. This picture is going to represent your first kiss, ok? But it's a secret kiss, so Lily, I want you to place your left hand on Rosa's right arm, and then get on your tiptoes and stretch up to kiss her."

I felt Lily's hand on my arm and laughed as she struggled to balance herself on her toes while trying to look romantic with lips puckered and eyes closed. "Can you reach me, wee one?" I teased.

Lily lost her pose. "Look bitch, I'm trying to act over here, and look like I want to kiss you."

"Oh you're just

looking

like it, huh?" I leaned down and kissed Lily on the top of her head.

"Now, when your lips touch, Lily, I want you to hold your hat in front of your face to shield us all from your first kiss. This one is your private kiss. Just make sure the hat doesn't cover your heads completely, because we still want to know that you definitely

are

kissing. We just can't see it. Make sense?"

Lily held the hat in front of our faces and whispered, "Ohhhh, she's good."

We obviously nailed the pose the first time, based on Devon's gleeful shout. "Gorgeous! Gorgeous! Now don't move so I can get this from a few different angles. I love it!"

I heard the sound of the camera capturing the shot over and over. "I love you." I mouthed to Lily behind the hat.

Always and forever you,

Lily told me silently.

"Ok my beauties, I want to try another shot but it's a little bold," Devon said.

"Bolder than

Ring Around the Rosie?

" I wondered aloud.

"A different kind of bold," Devon replied. "What kind of bathing suit do you have under there?"

"My white bikini." I said, pulling up the hem of the cover-up so that Devon could see the bottom of my two piece suit.

"White. That's perfect. Take it off." Devon said.

Devon took the beach dress from me, and also Lily's hat. She held her camera and snapped a few pictures as she paced back and forth in front of us. "Rosa that suit is fucking sexy as all Hell, but I really wish it was a one-piece like Lily's for the symmetry of it"

"Oh please, she's always gotta wear a bikini to show off her body." Lily mocked.

"Yeah right." I shot back, "And still, you've gotten most of the attention this week."

"I love how your complexions contrast your suits," Devon said. "Ok, so this shot, if you are willing, would be a really sexy one."

"What do we do?" Lily asked.

Devon looked around the beach, a few more groups had appeared in the last few minutes. "So let's try this, Rosa can you lay in the water on your side?"

I hesitated, scanning the beach, feeling self-conscious. Lily and I would be the only two people in the ocean, and people would be watching us like we were on a movie screen. Would it be like this from now on? Always on display. I was scared of our small Pennsylvania fishbowl that awaited us.

Lily waited at my side. I didn't feel any hesitation at all from her. She'd been empowered since we got on that plane. "You want to skip this?" She whispered, "It's ok." She was sincere, but I knew she wanted it.

"No. Let's do this." I said, and laid down in the warm ocean. The sand felt rough on the exposed skin of my right side. I propped my head up on my hand and waited.

Devon's expression still displayed the wantonness I remembered through my inebriation on the night of the bonfire. "Wow," Devon said. "Ok, Lily I want your body to face Rosa's, but lay in the opposite direction." She demonstrated the positioning with her hand. "I want you to wrap your arm over Rosa's leg, hug her waist and lay your head on her bare hip."

My body's responses to the feel of Lily beside me were familiar now. I found myself inching closer to the comfort of it, and resisting the discomfort I felt at being on display. Lily's arm was across my thigh, and the palm of my hand was on her lower back. Her cheek came to rest on my bare hip, just under the tie of my bikini bottoms. Lily's breath grazing my skin brought back the memory of the way it felt when her mouth played along my inner thigh and against my sex. I hadn't reciprocated yet, and I didn't know why. In my heart I wanted to, but something held me back. Our lovemaking had been tender and cautious, mostly because of me. Lily had been the bold one. I needed to up my game.

"Holy fuck, look at you two. Yin and Yang come to life. You're exquisite. Rosa, drape your arm over Lily's leg."

I followed the instructions. Once I was cradling the roundness of Lily's thigh, I found myself placing chaste kisses along her white skin. They were the same kind of kisses I used along her bare scalp to comfort her through the anguish of cancer. The memory of supporting Lily's head as she violently puked up the already empty contents of her stomach forced its way into this beautiful moment on the beach. I remembered the guilt I felt for holding my breath to fight off the smell of the green bile which threatened to make me throw up as well. Why had it been left to me? That was a mother's job. No! I hated myself for thinking that, even for a second.

The clicking of the camera brought me back from those terrible thoughts. I forced myself to focus on the passion I felt from Devon behind the lens, as she tried to capture us from the best possible angle. "My God, these shots are really beautiful. You should see the lighting your love is encased in. I just adore the two of you," Devon said, and continued to snap away with her camera.

______________________

"I can see ourselves there, Rosa-

belle

. I think that's the school for us." Lily sipped her white wine.

I placed my hand on her knee under the table. "I agree babe. I think it could be great. But there are other considerations..."

Lily cut me off. "And we can deal with them. I will find doctors here."

"We have Moffitt Cancer Center here," Devon offered from across the table. "My grandfather was treated there. And the Mayo Clinic is up in Jacksonville."

Lily acknowledged the comment with her outstretched hand. "See? One consideration is solved."

"And which bomb are you going to drop on your parents first? Will it be, 'mom and dad, I'm in love with Rosa, or mom and dad, I'm moving to Florida?' "

"It might just be both at the same time," Lily answered pointedly. "I can't let them smother me. Life is too short."

"If it's not too personal, can I ask how they've smothered you? Devon said a little timidly, then gained enthusiasm with, "You were really sick, and you said you almost died. They love you, they're scared, and they're going to be overprotective, that's natural."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lily's silent pleas for assistance, and so I responded. "Lily's dad is a sweetie, he dotes on her, as you've already witnessed when he hired you. But she's never been very close with her mother. Mrs. Lucci has always been really judgemental when it comes to Lily. I don't think her mother really understands her."

"She never tried. She's not a warm person," Lily's tone was biting. "She's got Jesus, she didn't need a daughter."

"Even when you were sick?"

Lily's laugh was tinged with bitterness as it broke through the wetness in her eyes. "She believed her role in all of it was endless prayer for my health. She and my dad made sure all of my medical needs were met, appointments, treatments, medicines, all of that. Otherwise my dad cried a lot and she spent most of her time in her room talking to Jesus on my behalf."

Devon's face changed across from them. "In her room? Away from you?"

"She looked in on me. My dad worked so many long hours to keep us afloat, he would sit with me after work for a while, but would inevitably fall asleep. Most of the time, it was Rosa." Lily took my hand. "Rosa took care of me. She was everything."

I interlocked my fingers with hers on top of the table. More horrible memories filled my head; they were important ones though. Those things we endured together brought us to now. But was there a cost?

Lily continued. "So anyway, when I didn't die she credited all her praying. Jesus saved me, and now I had to live my life for Him. Well, guess what? I don't think it was Jesus, and I don't think it was her. I think it was my doctors that saved me. I think it was Rosa that saved me, and I think I saved myself. So now I'm going to live my life for me."

Devon raised her glass. "Here's to living your lives for you."

Lily followed suit, raising her glass. They both looked my way, waiting.

As apprehensive as I was about a sudden relocation, there wasn't a thing in the world I would deny Lily if it would make her happy. I raised my sangria glass. "To living our lives...for us, babe."

After dinner, the waiter came up with the dessert tray with an assortment of cakes and pastries.

"You love coffee right?" Devon asked.. "They make awesome cappuccino, and the best Chocolate Seduction Cake in south Florida." She turned to the waiter, "can we get an extra large piece of cake and three forks?"

"Can you make that four forks please?" The melodious voice of Nya asked from over the server's shoulder.

Devon's eyes lit up. "Nya, hey girl, I'm glad you finally made it." Nya walked around the table, looking exotic as Hell. She greeted each of us with a hug and a kiss, before taking the empty seat next to Devon. I saw Nya's glance linger on Lily as she got comfortable in her chair. Her skin was amazing against the cobalt blue cocktail dress she wore.

Over dessert, we filled Nya in on the events of the day, starting with the photo shoot on the beach, the college tour, and the idea for Lily and I to move down to attend school. Nya shared in the excitement of our planned futures, and as we discussed the possibilities, I caught the flirtation in Devon's and Nya's eyes with each slow bite of chocolate seduction. I glanced over at Lily who was also watching them with interest.

"So what do you two want to do next?" Devon asked after we paid the check. "Would you like to go dancing?"

"There's something else I'd rather do," Lily said. "Can we take more pictures?"