When I finally opened my eyes, I looked over at the clock on my nightstand and silently cursed when I saw it said ten thirty. I consistently met my mother for Catholic mass at St. Ignatius, knowing that she would give me shit about missing it today. '
Well there isn't a hell of a lot I can do about it now
, I grumbled to myself.
I grabbed my robe and tied the sash around my waist, feeling a little jittery remembering the events of the previous evening. Part of me wondered if I had dreamt the whole thing, but there were too many vivid details to chalk it up to that.
What worried me was how things would be with Paula, she had crossed several sexual lines and there was no taking it back. Would she be distant? Upset? Would she even be here? It occurred to me that if she was feeling weirded out that she might just take off without saying anything, though that was unlike her. I had lost count of the times after a fun romp with a first timer that resulted in me waking up alone the next day, without a peep from there after. I secretly cursed myself for the momentary lack of self-control, knowing that it could literally wreck my relationship with the one person on the planet I cared for more than anything.
As I started mentally rehearsing what to say to her, my nose picked up the scent of cooking bacon, the kryptonite of any diet I had ever attempted. That indicated that she had not run off with her hair on fire, which I took as a positive sign. At least that made things better, I made it a point to promise myself not to bring up our encounter unless she did.
I opened the door and saw Paula at the gas stove in my kitchen, humming as she cooked us breakfast, which I could now tell was bacon and eggs, with tortillas and cheese on the counter next to her.
Ah, breakfast burritos, she knows how much i love them!
I said to myself, snickering silently.
"Aha, she rises from the dead." Paula said with a smile, glancing over her shoulder.
I felt my brow furrowing, finding her greeting low-key and even relaxed, which is the opposite of what I had been expecting. "Well, I heard bacon calling my name...or my nose." I replied nonchalantly, getting closer to where she stood.
Paula giggled in the melodious way that always turned my insides into jelly. "You know how to make a girl swoon, Carli." she said, without turning this time.
"All a part of the package, my dear" I said, leaning into her for a loose hug.
Silence lingered for several seconds until she scooted the crispy bacon from the pan to our plates, handing me mine and moving to the small kitchen table. I watched as she ran her hands through her hair twice before starting to build her burrito. I sank my teeth into my own sloppily built one and felt bits dropping from inside it, making her laugh a bit.
"I would think you would be better at building burritos." Paula said with a smirk.
My mouth was full, so I stuck my middle finger up in reply, not wanting to choke by talking while chewing. Plus, it wasn't very ladylike.
"Last night was an absolute blast, you outdid yourself! My legs ached from dancing so much!" she said, now taking a small bite of her perfectly manicured burrito.
What the fuck?
I shouted in my mind, but responded with a simple, "Well that was all that mattered to me, you having a great time."
Paula wiped a bit of egg and cheese from the corner of her mouth and swallowed. "No question, I did start feeling a bit weird later on, everything past that is fuzzy. Kind of like the scene in that hangover movie."
I stopped chewing as it dawned on me that for her the entire evening after the bar was a giant blank, meaning that in addition to what was probably ecstasy the would-be predator supplied roofies as well. I almost laughed at the irony that Paula had been completely uninhibited and engaged in a lesbian tryst with me, and had no memory of it ever happening. My emotions ran rampant, vacillating between relief that I now had no chance of complicating our friendship and a sense of loss that she remembered nothing.
"That's interesting." I said, realizing that she might ask me to reveal how the evening had played out.
Now it was Paula's turn to stop chewing and get concerned. "Oh shit, did I make an idiot out of myself? What did I do?" she groaned, putting her forehead down on the table.
I laughed as I patted her on the shoulder, knowing that I needed to tell enough of the truth not to trigger her built-in lie detector and force me into a confession. "Well someone slipped you something, my guess is to take advantage, but I found you probably right after it happened. You were high as hell! Very entertaining!"
"Damn it!" she responded, hiding her face in her hands, almost laughing.
"No no, nothing bad, I found you kind of wandering around, watching a couple making out, but that was it" I said truthfully, hiding the fact that it had been two women.
Paula slowly lifted her head, cheeks glowing red and her eyes wide. ""Spying on them? That's creepy." she said with a tone of regret.
I slapped her on the arms, hoping it would divert any more questions about the bar at least. "Not really, it was a public place and I got you out of there right after and brought you here." I explained to her.
"Well that makes me feel a
little
better. What happened after we got home? Was I acting like a crazy woman?"
I had to tread carefully here or risk telling her more than I wanted her to know--truthfully what I needed her to know, for fear of the consequences. Ruining her upcoming nuptials. Confirming Jackson's fears. Shattering our own friendship. No, that would not do.
"Well, you were pretty animated for sure, flirty, but you burned out all your energy not too long after." I said, keeping my eyes steady and willing my face to stay completely serene.
"Wow must have happened fast then." she shot back, clearly studying my face.
"Honestly I had no idea what time it was when we got here and when you burned out. " I laughed, looking down at my food and taking another bite. I could tell that what I was saying made sense to her even if I left out some important--and sexual--details.
"Is that it?" she asked.
I looked up. "Well we both took an Uber here, so I was pretty wasted in my own right. Night is fuzzy for me too, maybe not as much as you though." I responded.
"Fair enough. Thanks for taking care of me." Paula said, now convinced that nothing bad had happened. Truthfully, nothing bad
did
happen, quite the opposite, but it was certainly outside the lines so to speak.
Inside I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I had gotten to experience the fulfillment of a deep and long held fantasy of mine, but had done so in a way that did not damage my friendship with Paula or throw a wrench into her wedding plans. We had staged the bachelorette party a month prior because of some of the bridesmaids' schedules, so everything seemed to be on track.
Or so I thought.
A couple of days later, I met Paula outside a Mexican restaurant, she was dressed in a nice blouse and skirt with her hair down. Jackson walked up with her, or so he intended. Before they got to within fifty yards from me, she turned and wagged her finger at him, triggering him to take an aggressive stance. I couldn't make out what they were saying because of background noise but it looked like either a fight or some difference of opinion. I watched as they had some sort of heated exchange before she threw up her hands and walked away quickly.
I had never seen an interaction like that between them before, they typically acted like love birds even when they disagreed. This was much more intense and adversarial, much like I had watched when she argued against another lawyer in court. I couldn't call it cold but it definitely seemed confrontational. By now I had come to the realization that while Jackson could be a pompous ass at times, he really was a good guy that deeply loved my best friend.
A moment after that, Paula started in a fast walk in my direction that was uncharacteristic for her, further concerning me. She breezed past me without saying anything, and then turned back to look at me. "Are you coming? I'm starved!" she said, her voice steady.
"Of course." I said, following her almost like a lost puppy.
We settled into a booth adjacent to the kitchen area, which usually meant that we would get served sooner than anyone else. To my surprise, Paula ordered a diet cola and started eating the chips left by our server. When he had dropped them off, I had communicated in Spanish asking for extra attention to our table, wanting to set her at ease.
"All right, out with it." I said in a stern tone.
Paula stopped biting the chip in her mouth and leaned back, letting out a huge, frustrated sigh. "Jackson has started...well...hovering, and it's kind of annoying." she said, shrugging.
I tried to hide my amusement but failed miserably, letting out some snickering that just seemed to inflame her. "Sorry, just never heard you ever say anything like that before. How exactly is he hovering?" I asked.
She finished eating the unused chip, chewing loudly, as if trying to drown out some kind of noise inside her head. "Well, he has said I feel a little distant and when he brings it up, he just doesn't let it go when I tell him I am fine." she answered.
"Well, are you being distant?"
Paula's brow furrowed, showing me a mix of frustration, anger and perhaps confusion. "I wouldn't call it distant, I haven't been treating him any different, really." she said, shrugging again.
"Hmmm, well he is sensing something from you, so what is it? You know you can tell me anything, I should
not
have to remind you of that, chica!" I said, locking my eyes with hers, knowing I was on to something.
Paula pulled her hands back towards herself, wringing them somewhat. "I can't put my finger on it, Carli, it's like we are having trouble connecting, not had that happen before." she breathed out as she spoke.
