This is a slowburn lesbian romance series. Some chapters are slower than others. I hope you enjoy!
Chapter 17
"She asked... if you want to watch us kiss..."
My eyes popped wide open, and my heart began to pound. I was left frozen, noticing the optimistic look on Juri's face, as well as the nervous one on Alana's...
I could really see them kiss?
It wasn't exactly appropriate... considering everything we had been through. But if Juri was offering... well, I could at least admit that I was interested. I had been masturbating to the thought of them being together anyway...
Of course, after finally getting Juri back in my life, I wanted so badly to mend the damage I had created by being such an irresponsible woman. However, I couldn't ignore the fact that sex played a huge role in our previous relationship. And now that she was playing into my fantasies, I was tempted to let myself slide back into that trap.
What I really wanted to show Juri... was love... and this wasn't love...
To make matters worse, I could see the porno still playing in the background, as they both gazed at me, waiting for an answer. That's when I started to feel worse about myself, and I realized I was about to become that awful woman that I used to be.
That's not who I was any longer. I couldn't send the message that I prioritized my own selfish desires over my care for them. I refused to allow my inappropriate thoughts to get in the way of what I truly wanted...
It was time for me to prove I was a changed woman...
I put on a brave face before going to the computer and finally shutting the video off for good. I then took a deep breath before addressing the two women who were so important and dear to me.
"As arousing is that would be... I don't think it's exactly appropriate for this situation," I expressed before speaking to each of them individually. "Juri, as much as I valued all the sexual things you would do for me, what I missed the most about you was our connection, regardless of the sex. I would like to work to reestablish that first, if that's okay with you."
Before the intern could even translate for me, I turned my attention towards her. "And Alana... you don't exactly seem comfortable with this either... Also, I feel like I'd be throwing everything we built out the window If I just immediately started prioritizing my sexual desires again."
While they were left speechless, I took yet another deep breath before addressing them both once again. "I want to prove myself worthy of having both of you in my life."
Immediately, I realized I had made a good decision because a look of relief came over Alana's face. However, when she translated my message, I noticed a more questionable look coming over Juri.
"Juri's a bit confused," Alana explained, causing me to hold my breath for a second. "She's asking what you want from her if you don't want sex."
"What do I want from her?" I asked, scratching my chin. I thought about it for a second before expressing the first idea that came to mind. "I guess I want a chance at starting over... like a do-over..."
"A do-over?"
"Yeah..." I quietly replied, twiddling my fingers. "I don't want to pretend the past didn't happen, because I need to learn from my mistakes... But maybe Juri and I... maybe we can go on a date or something..."
"A date?!"
With the confirmation of my desires, I was now openly accepting that I was a lesbian, or at least bisexual. One might think that it had already been established, since I was having sex with and fantasizing about women. This was different, however. I truly wanted to start an actual relationship with Juri.
After I was done explaining myself, there were pleasant smiles of satisfaction on the faces of both women in front of me. Juri and I agreed to go on our date the next day, just to simply have some dinner together and to get to know one another a little better. And of course, this was going to be intimate, not in a sexual way, so we were going without Alana.
Speaking of the intern; as the eventful night came to an end, I realized that the most satisfying thing for me was seeing her look approval. As I wished her farewell, telling her I'd see her at work the next day, she gave me a smile, almost as to say she were proud of me.
She and I had been on a bumpy ride together, with a lot of twists and turns. I was just glad she felt her effort with worth it, and I didn't ruin things by retracting back into the selfish woman I used to be.
Perhaps Alana and I shared some feelings for each other, making the moment just a little bittersweet. She would never show that side of herself though, because she was much too mature.
And me, on the other hand... as much as I cared for her, I knew she also had a woman that she preferred over me... even if she wasn't willing to admit it.
Unfortunately though, as proud as I was of myself, I eventually realized that I hadn't changed quite as much as I portrayed to the others. Yes, I was happy that I had proven myself as an honorable woman. However, as I lay there in bed that night, unable to fall asleep for hours... I kept thinking about the arousing moment that I had ruined...
Pounding my fists in frustration, I whined like a spoiled brat...
"I really wish I could have seen them make out!"
***
The next evening, hours before meeting Juri, I found myself staring at my closet, unable to decide on what to wear. With Juri, words only went so far since her English wasn't that great yet, so I had to really think about what messages I was sending with my actions. That all started with the outfit I chose to wear.
Yes, I admitted that it was a date to Alana, but it didn't really hit me until I realized how much effort I was putting into it. I had always been confident about the way I looked, but I couldn't remember the last time I cared so much to impress someone else with my appearance. The last time I felt like this was probably with my ex-husband... although it must have been before we even got married...
By the time I finally got around to trying outfits on and seeing how I looked in the mirror, I realized I was getting short for time. Not only did I need to pick my clothes out, but I needed to do my makeup as well. Even more importantly, I wouldn't be able to decide on my hair, my earrings, my nails, and my shoes, without knowing what I was wearing first!
Of course, I just had to start with some of my tightest and shortest dresses. I wanted to look appealing to Juri, obviously. I know I had just explained that sex wasn't the most important thing to me, but what was the point of a date if she didn't find me attractive?!
Eventually, I began laughing at myself as I modeled a dress that was so small it hardly even covered my ass cheeks.
I look like a straight up ho,
I thought to myself before slowly stripping back down to my thong.
Juri's going to think that all I care about is getting fucked if I wear this...
Once again, I was forced to face the reality of the situation I had put myself in. Taking a deep breath, I gave myself a pep talk in the mirror, after tossing the sexy dress onto the bed.
"I'm not trying to get laid tonight; I'm trying to win back the potential love of my life!" I said, trying hard not to get distracted by how good my breasts looked that night. "Yeah, she may think I'm hot, but that's not what matters here! She deserves someone who values our connection! I'm a changed woman, and I'm going to prove that our personal connection is just as amazing as our sexual one!"
Things are going to be different this time,
I told myself before picking out a nice t-shirt and jacket along with my favorite pair of high-waisted jeans. Then, fighting off the urge to encourage myself with a shot of alcohol, I continued pumping myself up. "This is my chance at doing things over the right way! No tequila for me tonight!"
I'll admit... I still wore the thong... and also a sexy matching bra... Even though I didn't plan on Juri seeing me undressed, I figured it would help me with my confidence...
... And you never know... There was always a chance...
***
There was a smile on my face as I strolled down to the bar, thinking about the date I was about to go on with the wonderful woman I had met in Japan. Funny enough, even though I had been desperate to achieve this moment for so long, I didn't really feel nervous for some reason. I was just excited that I would get to see Juri again.
There was no telling how this date would go. Even with her kind-hearted and forgiving soul, as well as her improved English skills, there was a chance she harbored ill feelings for me, and I could have easily misrepresented myself to her. Still, I couldn't help but be excited just to be in her presence once again.
That was what I deemed most important in that moment. The smile on my face grew even larger as I pictured myself just sitting around and chatting with Juri. I didn't know how things would go between us, but at least for one night, I was happy that I would get to enjoy that beautiful smile of hers again.
With a sigh of relief, I was able to express something to myself that truly made me happy. "I definitely am a changed woman now, and I can't wait to prove it to Juri."
When I got to the restaurant, I immediately became frozen when I witnessed her waiting for me at the entrance. There she was... standing there with that breathtaking smile of hers... I was truly in heaven... captivated by her angelic face...
