In this last part Sandra has to come to a decision when Emma makes a move of her own. The next two stories will be about Emma and her confusing love life and a breakout story about the airline pilot, Rebecca (Beckie) mentioned in Part 3. I've always wanted to do an airline pilot story, but which one should I do first?
Author's note: To get on with someone is the Australian way of saying necking or pashing on with someone. It sometimes ends in sex but usually it's just a lot of kissing and fondling. You would say, I got on with her last night.
I didn't stay the whole night at Saoirse's joint, I left after a shower and went back home but just as I left we had our preliminary 'morning after' talk even though it was ten o'clock at night. There were no promises of a happy ever after but she promised that in the next few days we'd meet up again and talk. This was a surprise to me because I'd half expected to stay the night but I understood it at the time, but it led to an unfortunate complication with Emma. One of the rules Saoirse laid down was that our encounter was just that, a physically intimate moment, but if either of us was to have sex with another woman between now and our upcoming talk it wouldn't be considered cheating. It could however, allow a little more clarity in the cold light of day.
I can see what she was doing at the time, she wanted me to be clear about my feelings for her, but it it also confused me as well but let me continue. As I've already mentioned, I'd always associated sex with marriage or at the very least some sort of commitment and whilst that quaint idea had been somewhat eliminated after I turned eighteen bits of it remained. Granted, it was a vague acceptance of the old Christian credo but at best it amounted to a romantic ideal, it sells books and movies by the hundreds but it's not the real world.
Emma came around to see me on Sunday afternoon. I'd been at church in the morning, not because I felt guilty about Friday night, I simply wanted to see if there was any difference. Perhaps I felt a bit guilty about not feeling guilty. The only changes were internal, I felt disconnected to the women who weren't married yet because they probably hadn't had sex, but a connection to those who were married. One friend, Vicki thought I was with someone.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I looked past her, "I'm just feeling good today."
"Okay, whatever, you just look... content?"
"I'm feeling a lot better now, still sad over dad but I'm getting better though."
"It can take awhile for some people but others can come good pretty quickly, I know I did after my grandma died but I was expecting that for a while though."
We didn't say much more after that but I felt slightly guilty for lying to Vicki because she's a decent person, I've always said she's a good woman going to waste.
Mum was getting ready to go out with Stan to a wine tasting out in the Yarra Valley and I could've gone with her, I was still dressed for church but I declined because I needed to take some time out and being on my own might be just what the doctor ordered.
"Can you sort out the washing, please? Don't worry about ironing, I'll do that later. Just dump the clothes on the bed, okay?"
"Sure, mum, no worries."
"Are you all right?" she peered at me over the small mirror on the table.
"You're the second woman who's said that today," I picked up the washing basket.
"I um... Saoirse and I sort of," I stopped.
"Oh," our eyes met, "okay... I get it, so you and her?"
"Maybe, we're talking next weekend. I just need time to digest everything."
"No worries," she put the eyeliner down, "if you need someone to talk to I'm here."
"Thanks," I backed away, "I'm okay though, really. I think I just went to church to see if there was a reason I didn't feel guilty."
"Understandable, guilt is a powerful motivator, it took me awhile to start dating again and I wasn't a very strong Christian before I met your father. But after we got married I developed a stronger faith, and that kind of died afterwards, but I still felt a niggling guilt."
She smiled and glanced over her shoulder.
"Sorry, you probably didn't want to hear all that."
"It's cool," I replied, "just because you're my mum it doesn't mean you can't have sex, it'd actually be abnormal if you weren't having sex."
"That's my daughter, ever the practical one," she rose.
"Well, gotta love you and leave you," she stepped forward and gave me a brief hug, "Stan? Are you ready in there?" She turned towards the living room.
"I've been ready for the last half an hour, my love," he yelled back.
It was an interesting concept though I reasoned some twenty minutes later. Mum's faith was always closely tied to dad's. I remember her getting computer lessons from a Moslem woman. Fatima lived two doors down from us. She only wore a hijab when she went to Friday prayers with her husband, but dad viewed them with suspicion because of their faith. He used to warn mum against getting too involved and she'd make a joke about it, but she kept up her lessons right up until the couple moved away.
I carried my clothes through to my room and after folding them and putting them away I sat down on the edge of the bed and stared at myself in the mirror. Outwardly I looked the same, I wore one of the mandarin blouses Robyn had made weeks ago. It was tucked into a blue three-quarter length pleated skirt with an elasticised waistband. People had commented on my outfit that morning and I thought at least three people might even check out the website.
I fiddled with my belt. It was a wide black one with two small buckles placed side by side, it'd been picked up at an op shop a couple of years ago when Emma and I finished our classes. A necklace of black and white beads complemented the belt but I'd discarded the high-heeled boots for sheepskin moccasins earlier. I was just about to undo the belt when my phone rang and I picked it up and slid my finger across the screen.
"Saoirse," I flicked at one of the belt ends, "what's up?"
"Oh, nothing much. Just about to head out to see an old friend. What's happening with you?"
"Just putting away the washing and then I might get changed out of my glad rags and into casual clothes and chill out, or go for a drive. I haven't made up my mind yet."
"Sounds like a plan of sorts, listen. How's about we get together on Friday night? We can talk about what went on last Friday and see if we still feel the same about each other."
"Yeah, that's a good idea. I mean, I love being with you but at the moment everything's so new, and and I'm still trying to process it."
"You and me both, it wasn't exactly unexpected. I kind of thought it was coming eventually but not for a few more weeks or even a month or two. When you started kissing me it surprised me, it was a bit of a reversal for me, I'm usually the one who takes the initiative."
"It's been on my mind," I rose and walked around the bed to my window, "I just didn't know if it was a wild fantasy or something that might happen but Emma kind of tipped the balance," I parted the curtain and peered out at the backyard.
"Have you seen her yet?"
"Not yet, she's been seeing Roxy although the last I heard it was all up in the air because her ex has been charged with assault. Emma's still trying to get over Valerie as well, so who knows?"
"It'd be a good idea to sort it out between you two though first, before we have our talk."
"Okay," I let go of the curtain and turned to face the bed, "although we're just friends."
"I know, but you're friends who could've become lovers," she paused.
"I'd say it's unfinished business, it's not up to me to say how you finish it but between now and next week it might be an idea to draw a physical line under it just so as your head's clear, but it's not up to me to tell you how to run your life. I'm in the same boat, I need to make sure Ling's not going to try and get back with me as well, and I've got a few things to sort out. An old girlfriend called me from the old country wanting to get back in contact with me once she gets here."
"Sounds like you've got your hands full," I ventured.
"Yes and no, it's all about being sure of your next step. If you and I get involved I need to know my options and where it might lead to. I'll tell you right up front I'm not interested in sharing a house with anyone, even if she is Miss Right."
"Good, that was on my mind. That takes that off the table, I'm happy living here at the moment, but at some stage it'd obviously become an issue," I turned as the doorbell rang.
"No worries."
