The silly little romp below is based to some degree on what I think of as "comedic sociopathy" and, in regards to the requirements of informed consent, is not exactly a model for how human beings should interact.
The story features a hero called "Captain Firesparkles" and her (ex-)villain called "Lady Nightscream", to give you a general idea of where this is going in terms of your intellectual, emotional and sexual needs as a very serious grown-up.
A Supervillain's new beginnings
~1~
So there I was. Hitting rock bottom.
My heroic arch nemesis had foiled my evil plans exactly one time too many. According to the codex of our local super villain chapter, I was now banished from the dark council and had lost the right to call myself a villain.
With what little dignity I had left, I called a press conference to announce to the whole city that it was now safe from my schemes - once and for all.
Luckily, I didn't have to worry about going to jail.
I hadn't actually broken that many laws, all things considered. Our penal code doesn't have any entries for - to name just a few of my classics - "attempted meddling with the course of History", "attempted body shaming on a national scale", "attempted shrinking of world-famous monuments" and "attempted memetic reversal of cherished holidays" (don't ask).
True, there were arguably a whole bunch of other crimes or attempted crimes tied up in this, including a few attempted homicides, I suppose (we never got to witness the effects of the shrink ray on living people, for instance, so that's anyone's guess). Of course, there was all the property damage, kidnapping and attempted herocide... on a LOT of occasions. But I had a solid line of defense: what we in the business morbidly call the "Werner von Braun" - protocol. In a nutshell, the government will usually agree to forget about a villain's past and look the other way in exchange for juicy mad scientist technology they can then apply to their geopolitical areas of interest.
I was looking at community service, at the most. And should things go south after all, like any self-respecting mad scientist, I had a final insurance policy: a bunch of spare, pocket-sized "-inators" for easy jail breaks. Don't ask how I would get those into my jail cell. Let's leave it at "pocket-sized".
And so, it was time for my final walk of shame.
I had put on my magnificent black dress, the red cape and my beloved spiky crown, forged out of the swords of three cursed amazon warriors. One last appearance as LADY NIGHTSCREAM in front of the cameras. Tall, dark, mysterious, imposing. A bit gassy, too.
CAPTAIN FIRESPARKLES was there too, of course, in her ridiculous, glittering golden costume with the extremely low-cut neckline, grinning from one ear to the other as if it was the best birthday she'd ever had. She insisted on shaking my hand and wishing me all the best for my future as a model citizen.
The little bundle of joy. Had it not been for the codex, I would have fired one last "-inator" at her for good measure. Instead, I smiled into the cameras, told the kids at home to stay in school and stand up to their bullies, took a final bow, and left the stage.
~2~
With my evil lair completely exploded during my ultimate battle with Firesparkles, I decided to stay the night at my room in the convention center.
After I had put on civilian clothes, I found myself just sitting on my bed, staring at the black crown in my hands.
So many years of my life... I thought about how I had created my first villain costume, as a teenager. So much youthful rage. So much ENERGY! So many superfluous leather belts with spikes. My first evil plots had been so cringy, just thinking about them made me shudder... and put a wistful smile on my face. Of course, there had been some hang-ups in my later work as well...
And now, it was all over.
I realized I was fidgeting. Maybe I could go for a little walk around the hotel... Grab a drink down at the bar? I didn't usually drink, but hey, new beginnings and all. For whatever reason, I brought the crown with me, carrying it under my arm like I was some ghost lady with a severed head.
I didn't get very far, though. I heard someone cry out my name, and turned around.
"MOLLY! Hey, Molly...!" Captain Firesparkles, now in jeans and a pink shirt.
Bella Higgins, I reminded myself. Her civilian name was Bella Higgins. She looked vaguely distressed.
"Oh, hello... Mrs. Higgins?" I said, "You're staying at the convention center, too...?"
She was a bit out of breath. Once again, that trademark radiant smile appeared on her face. "MOLLY! We've known each other for YEARS. I'm just BELLA, to you!"
I shrugged. "Whatever."
Her definition of "personal space" was somewhat laxer than mine, which is why she had gotten very close, our feet almost touching.
I blushed a little, straightening my back.
Such a short person, and yet she was radiating so much HEAT. With her chubby, curvy form, her poofy locks and her bright eyes, Captain Firesparkles really was like a little sun, even sans hero costume... Here we were, in plain clothes, and we still looked like the perfect foils, with me being all tall and skinny and wearing my black turtleneck.
"You look so different without the scary makeup! Anyway, I'm kinda looking for a new home, don't you know - I suppose you can relate. Hehe." Bella grinned mischievously. "My trusty sidekick just... kicked me out. I have been talking about getting my own place for months, so she said, enough is enough, Bella, you're a big girl, no more procrastinating! She's right. So, since I was gonna be here for your press conference, I went all, two birds, one stone."
I scratched my head. "So... is there something you wanted to talk about...?"
"Oh, right..." Bella wheezed, "I'm glad I ran into you. I have... a bit of a problem."
She grabbed me by the hand, and without the slightest resistance on my part, she led me through the hallway and into her own hotel room.
On a sidenote, why couldn't this woman ever walk normally? It was as if she was always... bouncing, somewhat.
Bella closed the door behind her and leaned against it with her back.
"Uhmmm..." She began. "Do you remember how my powers are tied to me being "in tune" with my own body? Like, to activate and control my superpowers, I need to be good to myself, eat alright, accept myself as beautiful, just the way I am...?"
I rolled my eyes and groaned. "It's not like that was, I dunno, the CORE premise of Every. Single. Episode.... I mean, Encounter, between us. Oh NO, if only I had known about this as a villain, SURELY I would have tried to sabotage you, in some way. All kinds of shenanigans, evil plots..."
I snorted. "No, wait - that's actually EXACTLY what happened."
Bella nodded. "Right, so... the thing is, right now, I'm SUPER HORNY. It's driving me up the walls. Libido, like, OUT of control. I worry I might literally go supernova."
She glared at me, defiantly.
I gulped and took a step back. "Woah. Okay. Gross. I can see how that might be an issue. But..." I frowned. "What am ~I~ supposed to do about it?"
The moment my brain caught up with what I had just said, I felt a powerful wave of regret wash over me.
Captain Firesparkles quickly looked me in the eyes, then at her crotch, then back at me.
"You've GOT to be shitting me," I said slowly.
"Now, obviously if you're not comfortable with that..." She sounded uncharacteristically shy, all of a sudden. "I understand completely. I can... probably take care of it on my own. Crisis averted...! Yay...! It's just that I would much rather... See, my cravings get weirdly...
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