A New Girl

Chapter 1: The New School

I was pretty excited that first day. If I had known what the next few weeks were going to be like I might have been a bit more reticent, but everything is easier when you looking back on it. Anyway, it was my first day at a new school and I couldn't wait. I was a little bit sad because I had left my big, suburban school last summer as the most popular junior in school. I was the underclassman captain of the cheerleading squad and I was dating the senior quarterback of the football team. He had a scholarship to Notre Dame. Anyway, now I had moved with my mom and dad to a small town when my dad got transferred and it was going to be different. Not that I hadn't gotten anything out the deal, I'd finally gotten my parents to pay for me to take a year off after high school and travel. I wasn't nervous about my first day, I had always been popular and I had no doubt that this factor at least would be no different.

I think now that maybe I had a false sense of security because I was pretty and I knew it. I was a short girl, 5'2 and weighed around 100lbs at 18 years old. I had long platinum blonde hair and big violet eyes with long eyelashes. I had a little upturned pixie nose and thick, full lips. My skin was a bit pale, but not in a ghostly or unpleasant way. My breasts were small, but they fit my small frame. As an athlete, I was in pretty good shape with a flat stomach, a tight little butt, and shapely legs. I was impressed with myself, but I wouldn't say I was vain. Just a little too confident.

My parents had bought me a car for my 18th birthday and I remember feeling very happy as I pulled into the student parking lot about twenty minutes before class started on that first day. I parked and got out. I thought that I was dressed very cutely in my tight, dark straight leg jeans and my tight little striped sweater. I walked up to the front entrance and I was immediately struck by how different this school was. My old school was big and modern and looked like it was a place for the best and the brightest. This building was old and the colors were all faded. It looked like it had been built in the fifties or something. It was also a lot tinier than my old school and it was a little weird. There were relatively few students. I found out later that each class had around 50 students, so around 200 students. My old school had over 1500 students total.

There were only few people outside and I walked in the front door and made my way down the hallway. At the end of this first hallway was a big, open lunchroom with other little hallways shooting off the sides where the classes were located. It looked like everyone just spent his or her mornings hanging out in the lunchroom talking. There was a pleasant little chatter going on and I started to feel comfortable. The school might've been old and ugly, but the kids looked just like all the kids everywhere. There was a little group of nerds sitting in one corner talking about whatever little Japanese card game was getting big, there was another group of stoner kids, and all the various social groups you expect in high school, just smaller groups.

I looked around and saw a group of football players wearing their letterman's jackets. I figured this was the place for me to go. Their girlfriends would be around soon and I would be in with the group I belonged with. Everything started out well.

"Hey, you new here?" one of the football players asked as I walked past the table. Boys were so easy. I had to work not to smile at myself.

"Yeah, I just moved here over the summer from Westdale," I explained and the guy, who was kind of big and kind of ugly nodded and smiled at me.

"Well, welcome to Lexington High School," he said in a friendly way and all the other football players greeted me. I could feel them looking at me and I would be lying if I said I didn't like it. Suddenly, I heard a voice from behind me.

"Umm...hello?" the voice said in a way that was kind of sweet but in a way that indicated she was trying to be a bitch. I turned around and there was a crowd of girls standing behind me. The one who had spoken to me was in the front and she had her arms crossed.

"Hi," I said, feeling suddenly intimidated.

"Are you looking for someone or something?" she asked as though she were really trying to be helpful.

"No, just saying hello. I am new here," I said. I was better looking than her and I could tell it was eating her up inside. This kind of stuff happens all the time in high school, but it was a lot scarier to do this without any friends around me.

"Oh," she said and then just looked at me. She looked at one of the football players who had been talking to me and gave him a look like he had been cheating on her with me, "Well I am Crystal Kimble."

"Shae Sullivan," I replied. The four or five other girls curtly introduced themselves.

"Well I guess you got to say hi to everyone," Crystal said and then she sat down at the table with the football players. The other girls followed suit and there wasn't a seat left at the table, "So I guess we'll see you later," she said in her sweetest voice possible.

I felt like I had been slapped in the face. I mean these were the kinds of girls that I hung out with back at my old school. I had known right away that they were going to be my friends. I felt embarrassed to have just stood there and taken it but at the same time I was completely impotent by myself. I walked away from the table and just as I was out of earshot I heard a whisper and then they let out a little catty laugh. My cheeks were hot and I felt like everyone in the gym was staring at me. I walked off into a hallway and desperately searched for my locker. I wanted to stick my head into it so that no one could see me.

I eventually found it and put my bag inside. The rest of the day didn't get much better. I sat by myself in homeroom and only the sorts of people I felt uncomfortable around would talk to me. It seemed like all the boys who were even remotely good looking were already dating someone and as a result they were terrified of talking to me. The classrooms were smaller and dingier than at my old school. Things got really bad during third period when my cell phone went off in class and the teacher yelled at me and then took it away. She said I could get it back at the end of the day. Crystal was in that class if I remember correctly. She was laughing at me.

I felt so stupid. I had been on the giving end of these little games before but no one at my old school would've dared acted like this around me. No one snickered behind my back and no one refused to talk to me. I felt like crying the entire day. However, after eating a lunch by myself in a little table near the back of the room I came up with a plan. I would go and talk to the cheerleading coach after my last period. If I could get onto the squad I could start to make friends and everything would get better. I actually felt happy again by the end of the day.

When the final bell rang I rushed towards the gym. I got lost a little bit on the way, but eventually I was able to find it. I opened up the door and stepped in. I came in at the same time the cheerleading squad was coming out of the girl's locker room. I could tell they were the cheerleaders. They had great hair and they walked with so much confidence. It was like they knew that they ran the place. I saw Crystal walking in the front. She wasn't even good-looking! She had a horse face and her legs were chunky.

They saw me standing in the middle of the gym and I saw Crystal whisper something into one of the other girl's ears and the girl laughed. They walked up together and stood in front of me. They didn't say anything for a minute, they just looked at me.

"Hey Thae," she said in a friendly and syrupy manner.

"It's Shae, actually," I said, feeling a little bit nervous for some reason. I never felt like this before. This social pressure. It was incredibly unpleasant.

"Oh yeah," she said, "I'm sorry. What are you doing here? This is cheerleading practice."

"Yeah, I know," I said.

"Well, you aren't a cheerleader," she replied and I felt like spitting on her. She was standing there with her hands on her hips and I wanted to spit on her and then maybe kill her. This was the exact opposite of how life should be!

"I know, I was going to talk to the coach. I was a cheerleader at my old school. I was thinking about joining here," I replied. Finding some confidence for my voice.

"Oh I'm sorry," Crystal said and she said it like she meant it and that made it all the more maddening, "We have our try-outs in the summer. There aren't anymore spots."

"School only started a couple weeks ago, I just want to talk to the coach," I said, trying to push past her to get to the locker-room. He put her hands out and stopped me.

"Listen," she said, getting a little angry now. I looked into her beady little eyes and she stared right back at me, "We are already complete. I am the captain of this team. If I tell the coach you are causing problems, she won't just keep you off the team, she'll get you banned from the football games," she threatened.

"You can't do that," I said, but I wasn't sure. I stopped pushing against her.

"You shouldn't be so sure. I can't imagine you want to get into any more trouble. After all, you already got your phone confiscated. You did remember to get that back before Mrs. Fuller left didn't you?" she asked. I realized that I had left the phone there. I didn't care if I looked like an idiot. I turned and ran back to the classroom and I could hear them laughing at me long after I was out the door. I tried to sprint towards the classroom but I couldn't remember where it was. The building was such a little maze of hallways and lockers and they all looked dingy and the same. Eventually, I thought that I was on the right track.

I made it to the classroom just as she was getting ready to lock up. She gave me a sour look but let me in to get my phone. I grabbed it and quickly ran out to my car. I sat down in the front seat and flipped my phone open. There was a text message from Meghan my best friend from Westdale, "Have a good first day! Luv ya!" It said. I put my head against the steer wheel and cried. I don't know how long I cried there but I remember it was the single most lonesome moment of my entire life.

Chapter 2: A Clique

For the rest of the week I begged my parents everyday to go back. I begged them to get new jobs and go back to the suburbs and away from this hellish little town. I said I'd give up my trip and go right to college like they wanted. I wanted to see my friends and I wanted to be the queen bee again. I couldn't stand sitting at the lunch table by myself anymore. I couldn't stand the feeling of sitting in the middle of the classroom and having no one to pass notes to. It was getting to be horrible. The worst thing was that Crystal and her friends weren't even making fun of me anymore. They were pretending like I didn't even exist. I cried in between classes sometimes and by the end of the first week I was slinking around the hallways, trying to act invisible and hoping that no one noticed me.

It was weird to see the world from the other side. I saw other people who were like me at my old school. The day must've just zipped by for them. Every class was like a little date with your boyfriend or a chance to hang out with your friends. Then there was me and couple of other cretins who just took the 400 or 500 hours it took to get through the day, feeling ugly and dirty.

The Wednesday of the first week of school was the absolute worst day of my entire life. I walked in the front door and for the first time there were people looking at me. I didn't know what they were looking at, I checked my clothes for stains and my hair for objects but there was nothing. I could hear people whispering about me behind their hands and I could feel their eyes burning into me.

I went to my first class and I could still hear the whispering. I nearly made it to lunch but I started getting more and more paranoid. I had to know what was going on but at the same time I was terrified. In my fourth period class I asked to be excused. I didn't know what I planned to do but I had to get away from people. I ran into the girl's bathroom and got into one of the stalls. I sat there for a few minutes and just breathed deeply, feeling a bit sick to my stomach. I didn't know what was going on, but I knew that it was bad. I heard someone else walk into the room, then another.

"Hey Jill," one voice said.

"Hey," was the reply.

"So did you hear about the new girl?" the girl asked. I sat up straight on the toilet and listened.

"No," Jill said, sounding interested, "What happened?"

"Well," the girl said, talking like she had a big, juicy piece of gossip to tell, "I heard she was at that party at Morgan's house last weekend and Crystal went upstairs to get her coat to leave. At she opened the door and that new chick Shae, she was in there totally hooking up with Matt Miller!" They laughed really hard.

"No way!" she said.

"I heard from Cindy and she heard it directly from Crystal."

"That is so nasty. Matt Miller is so gross. That chick is a total skank." I was already crying by this point. I had no idea who Matt Miller was but I didn't want anyone thinking I was having sex with anyone. I didn't want anyone talking about me at all. I wanted to be away from this place and I never wanted to come back. The girls finished putting on their make-up or whatever they were doing. I slowly opened the door and walked out of the stall. I was surprised to see someone at the sink washing her face. She was some punk looking chick with dyed hair and thick eye shadow and she stared at me with a sort of blank stare and noticed my puffy eyes.

"Chill out there new chick," she said with a little bit of a laugh in her voice, "They'll find out somebody hooked up with somebody else next week and you'll but old news."

"But I didn't..." I started indignantly, then I simply ran out of the bathroom. At least if she laughed I didn't hear her as I was leaving. I considered just getting in my car and driving home but my mom didn't work and she would make me come back. She kept telling me that it would be tough at first but it would get better. But she didn't have to come here and the ladies who lived on our block weren't quite as bitchy as their daughters.

Finally, I decided to just go to lunch. I would put up with all of the horrible stares and the rumors because I really didn't have a choice. I bought myself a lunch and sat down in my little corner table all by myself. Occasionally someone would stare at me, but they had mostly gotten that out of their system. Now they were all discussing me at their tables. I felt like a leper.

"Alright Barbie, come sit with us," Someone said. I shook my head out of my little daze and looked over at the source of the voice. There were three girls standing next to my little table and they were looking at me with a weird mixture of contempt, sympathy, and genuine kindness. However, these were not the girls that I would usually have hung out with.

The girl who had spoken to me was someone I had heard of before. I knew her name was Julie and that she was sort of the leader of a little clique of punk/goth chicks who were very pretty but very weird. The rumor going around school was that they were lesbians. I didn't care what they were; I wanted to sit with someone at lunch. I stood up without saying anything.

Julie was a lot taller than me, probably 5'7 and very, very thin maybe 100lbs. She had sort of spiky, shoulder length hair that was dyed jet black and kind of puff in some way, but not nappy. She had thick, emerald eye shadow and had put her eyeliner on very thick and black. It accentuated her green eyes and actually looked very nice. She had a naturally innocent face with large eyes and soft features, but she wore a smirk on her face that indicated that she was anything but. She had a little nose stud and a metal ball right under her lip on the right side of her face. Her body was lithe, like a model and she had very small, perky breasts. She had a necklace that looked like a dog collar on and her arms had dozens of little bracelets that overlaps and clinked whenever she moved. Her arms were thin and elegant. She was wearing combat boots with black fishnet stockings running up to a short, black skirt. Lastly she had a skintight dark blue tank top with a white skull on the front. Her skin was milky. I couldn't believe how beautiful she was and why a girl so pretty wouldn't be on the cheerleading squad.

The other two girls were obviously her little minions, but they were surprisingly pretty as well. The one on the right was the girl I had seen in the bathroom earlier. She was medium height, probably 5'5 and no more than 105lbs. She had long hair that was black on the bottom where it was sort of growing out but with light blonde hair on top. I say growing out, but it was obviously an intentional look. She had a warm and open face and was actually smiling at me. She had thick lips and, I would later learn, a tongue stud. Her breasts were quite large, probably C-cups and she had light colored skin. She was also wearing a black skirt, but she was also wearing a tight pink t-shirt. Her thick eye shadow was pink and she also had the thick eyeliner. As I stood up Julie introduced this girl as Tara.

The other girl she introduced as Misty. She was not as slim as the other girls, but not chubby by any standard. She was probably 5'4 and about 125lbs. She had short, jet black hair with little deep purple highlights. Not surprisingly, her eye shadow was purple. She had a bit of a severe look on her face, pretty but angry. She had C-cup breasts and a curvy body. Her black tank-top was short and I could see a bellybutton ring. She too was wearing a skirt, although hers was plaid and she too was wearing combat boots. They were all so bizarrely appealing.

"Um...Okay," I said, unable to come up with a way to agree to go with them that wasn't lame. They didn't say anything; they just turned and started walking. I decided that there was no point in waiting and quickly grabbed my lunch and jogged after them.

They sat at a table in a different corner of the room. They sat down, all on one side of the table. It was clear I was supposed to sit on the opposite side. It was like it was an interview for the opportunity to sit with them. A month ago I wouldn't have dreamed of degrading myself like that, but at this point I didn't really have any options. I was too lonely to care.

We sat at the table and ate quietly for a hile. I looked up at them out of the corner of my eye but they didn't seem to say anything. I could see that some of the people around the cafeteria were looking at us. To this day I believe that Julie only asked me to sit with them that day to get her name all over school. She just wanted to make a splash. The fact that we all became friends was just a happy little bonus to her initial plan. Finally, when there was ten minutes left in lunch, one of them spoke.

"So are you going to say anything or are you just going to eat that nasty food?" Misty asked in a snotty sort of way. I instantly knew that she was not really happy that I was there.

"I don't know," I said.

"We just wanted to get to know you is all. There aren't new girls here that often," Tara said. I realized now that she was seriously trying to be nice to be in the bathroom earlier. I felt bad for running away.

"I don't know why you'd want to get to know me. It seems like everyone in this school hates me," I replied dryly.

"That's pretty much the only reason we like you at this point," Julie said. I would learn that Julie didn't say anything just to say it. If she had something to say it was going to be direct, brutal, and truthful. It was the exact opposite of cheerleader speak and it took me a while to realize it wasn't mean. I hung on to the fact that Tara was being nice to me at this point.