The original intent of these 'confessions' was to 'fess up to sexual liasons, on my part, without my husband's knowledge. As they unfurl, he expresses no anger, no judgements...just as I knew he would.
But, last weekend, at home, he asked me about my first time with another female. He said that he knew a lot about my sexual past but had no idea about my first time with a woman. He said that he was just curious, that's all...so, I told him.
Growing up, my best friend also happened to be my first cousin, Madeline, or Maddie as we called her then. She was older than me by two years and from the time I could walk, I followed her everywhere, strangers often thinking that we were sisters. We grew older together, though I could never make up that two year gap, but, nevertheless, we discovered life together.
And, that too, was quite alright...
We were forever sleeping over at one of our houses, just blocks apart. As we grew older, we discovered other things together; how our boobs just started to grow, and how much every day! Fashion, heart-throbs, other girls that we hated (not really, just didn't like so much), the usual pre-teen and early teen angst issues.
When I entered freshman year, she was already a junior, an upper-classman, but we still found time for each other. As my freshman year wore on, I blossomed from a 32-A cup size to a very, if I do say so myself, nice 32-C. Maddie commented on them a couple of times when we'd get ready for bed on one of our sleep-overs.
One night, after Maddie had turned off the light, we lay there, side by side, talking, sharing thoughts, etc. She was the one who asked if I had ever kissed a boy. I said no, I hadn't but thought about it, thought about it a lot. She turned on her side, facing me, and said that she could teach me, teach me to kiss.
I thought about it for a minute, maybe, then said, "Okay, teach me to kiss."
The moment her lips touched mine, I knew it was not a cousinly kiss. Her lips were incredibly warm, almost hot, and when she worked her lips against mine, moving them, parting mine, it was absolute heaven. I had never felt anything like that before, in my life.
When I felt her tongue probing my lips, I parted them, opening my mouth, almost instinctively. Her tongue, exploring my mouth, sent waves of heat to my crotch, again, nothing like I had ever felt before.
Pulling away, just out of reach of my own lips as she held my head to the pillow with a hand, she just stared at me, for the longest time, before asking, "Did you like that?"
"Yes," I remember me saying, my breathing very hard and I remember thinking that I wanted her to kiss me again, just like she had done.
She did...only this time, it was with a little more force, a little more pressure, and looking back, I guess a little more lust.
She broke away, whispering quickly, telling me to suck on her tongue with my mouth when she kisses me. I did, I sucked on her tongue as hard as I could because it felt good in my mouth. The harder I sucked, the harder she kissed me, and when I thought it couldn't get any better, her hand slipped under my tee shirt and onto one of my breasts. She fondled it, squeezed it, pinched my nipple and continued to kiss me until I thought I would...I don't know what, I hadn't been there before, but I know that I wanted something to happen.
Breaking from our kiss, my head trying to reach her lips, to continue the kiss, she leaned on her elbow, one hand at the top of my head, stroking my hair, slowly, lovingly. Her other hand stayed on my breast, but slowly playing with it, caressing it.
"I've been having sex with Marsha," she suddenly blurted out. Marsha was a team-mate of Maddie's, on the field hockey squad.
"She taught me how to get sexual satisfaction without having to worry about getting pregnant by having sex with boys," she continued. "I've only had sex with her but I wanted to have sex with someone else," she said further, "and, you were my first choice."
