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This story requests about 30 minutes of your day. I have done everything I can to make it worth your time. Three different volunteer editors looked at this, and each one has improved the story in their own way. Any shortcomings that remain are entirely my own. Enjoy.
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I have always planned my life - and my loves. The only exception is how I discovered my sexuality.
I definitely didn't know that was going to happen, but that was back when I was 19, and I am now 32 and without a partner. I still miss her.
I stopped going to the lesbian bars here in town because I just didn't like being picked-up anymore, so my sex life had become sharing fantasies in a chat room with people thousands of miles away. Oh, and listening to my neighbor moan in the condo next door. I shouldn't leave that out. I hear her a lot but she is so secretive I have never seen just who she has going in there that pleases her so. In fact, I have never really seen her closely. We've waved in the hall a few times, where she smiles and quickly ducks back inside her place. I could tell that she had a nice figure, all curves exactly where you want curves, but most of her was hidden away behind her nurse's uniform. I don't mean the classic one with the short white skirt and top that's always too tight in a stripper fantasy. I mean the new ones that look like the pajamas your grandmother sent for Christmas. She was in her upper 30s, but I think she would have looked pretty nice in the classic uniform. I sometimes wondered if she had one hidden away in her apartment for her secret lover. Anway, she moved in about 6 months ago and has been moaning ever since. I would never hear him but apparently, he knew what he was doing over there.
My experience started with a phone call.
I was in my office, when my assistant sent through one of our corporate accountants from the Mainland. With a sigh, I handed some papers to my assistant's assistant, Jim, who had been briefing me on exactly where half of this fall's collection was.
"This is M-Y," I said into the phone.
I knew I was about to speak to "Ms. Russell" but I was very much not ready for that voice.
It wasn't the deep, husky voice you'd imagine getting excited over. It was high and friendly, and it made me want to get to know her immediately, spend time with her, and well... pull her under the sheets with me for three days. It was a voice that went straight to the gut and made me think of all the things I was missing in my life.
The world slowed as I listened to the tune floating from my phone. I could hear the whir of the fan in my laptop and the door gently closing as Jim left. More than anything, I felt the cool, smooth touch of the phone against the palm of my hand.
Suddenly, I came to, realizing Ms. Russell was thanking me and my department for being ahead of schedule with the quarterly reports. I tried to snap out of my intense feelings.
"I will tell everyone you said so," I replied. "Thanks go entirely to Tracy and Jim. I only sign the forms they push in front of me."
"If that were the case, then my records wouldn't show the same results every quarter even when you've had three different executive assistants."
"I am just lucky to be given good assistants , I guess."
"You defer compliments well, I see."
"That's my job," I answered. "You aren't only calling to compliment me, are you, Ms. Russell?"
"Actually, yes. And it's Joanna."
Joanna.... I started to wonder if I needed to find a way to make this conversation more personal.
"You must be new to this company, Joanna. No one from corporate calls unless they want something."
She laughed. "I've noticed that, too. Well, I am working remote in Alabama, so maybe I'm not infected yet."
"Alabama." I hadn't meant to say that out loud.
While she still had my heart fluttering, my brain was telling me to shut it down before I got hooked on another impossible relationship.
"Not a fan of Alabama?" she asked.
"Not at all. I spent a week in Montgomery one night." What a stupid thing to say, I thought. "Sorry, old joke. Actually, I never left my hotel."
"Well, next time you come out, give me a ring."
My heart beat faster for a second and then doom fell.
"And my husband and I will show you some better southern hospitality."
Thump. The sound of my heart falling into the trash can. There should be a rule against charming straight women with voices that drive you crazy. She was probably intelligent, kind, and beautiful too, curse her.
"Sounds great, Joanna," I replied. It would have been true if I hadn't been choosing flowers for the ceremony in my head 20 seconds earlier.
The call ended, and with a sigh I attempted to get back to work but of course work was almost impossible now. My mind was running through fields of flowers with a mysterious woman in Alabama, not checking on purchasing orders. I kept hearing her sexy warm voice in my head, and I kept feeling the touch of the phone on my skin.
I had the urge to touch myself right there in my office.
"Board meeting - 10 minutes." It was my assistant poking her head through the door.
I headed off to the weekly board meeting where I kept staring at the phone instead of the presentation. As I looked at it, I suddenly knew what I wanted to do that night. For the first time in my life, I wanted to have phone sex with someone. I wanted some stranger with a sexy voice, to talk to me while we touched ourselves and moaned. I could see my room already. My clothes strewn across the floor, lying naked on the bed while the moans of someone I had never met came through the receiver.
I resolved that it would happen. Tonight.
Eventually, I made it back to my apartment around 8PM. I set to planning my activity immediately, looking up how to block my number, how to make my voice mail anonymous, etc. I re-applied my lipstick, removed my hose and heels and loosened the braid so my black hair fell around my shoulders. Then I took out my little purple vibe and put it next to the computer. Now I just needed a woman to finish the plan.
My only idea, other than paying someone, was a chat room, so that's where I went. I entered a room called West Coast Women in the lesbian section and started my advertising.
Wahine32: 32 F, attractive, black/brown, seeking F for sexy first-time phone fun.
I thought about sticking Asian on there, since it attracts specific people, but I get tired of all the Asian fetish messages.
I quickly received messages, but no one wanted to talk on the phone. It was chat or cam and so I waited. Every 10 minutes or so I'd advertise again, sitting there with almost total silence around me. Around 11 I heard the first sound in a while - my neighbor's door closing. It was funny how our condos worked. I could hear her door and her moans clearly. Everything else - her TV, her voice - was audible but muffled.
At 11:30 I thought I had a bite. Renee, 41, from Tucson. She was interested in phone. She was bi. She was charming. I gave her my number and soon the phone rang. She was a man. I hung up and moved on.
Finally, just after I had put on my time-for-bed tea, I got the message.
Pussylane: aloha, wahine, I'm very interested. I'm 34 F - 808 girl too.
An 808 girl. She knew the Hawaiian phone system at least.
Wahine32: hi, pussylane. your name is pretty funny; i like it.
P: Silly, huh? But it gets attention.
W: yeah, it would. I spend all my time telling people wahine means Femme in Hawaiian.
P: Well my name has it's own pitfalls. Mostly people trying to sing to me over the computer
W: that could get old.
P: Especially since they are always forgetting the words.
W: lol
P: it's nice to meet you, wahine. I'm Penny.
W: i'm Carol.
(This had always been my generic name.)
W: and you know the song is in my head now, but i have my fingers lashed together so that you won't hear a word about macs in the pouring rain
P: you can type with your fingers tied. i'm impressed
W: it's very strange.
Then it came.
P: Want me to call you, Carol?
Decision time had come. Did I actually want this stranger to call me? Did I want to use a vibe on myself while I talked to someone I had never met? Why had I decided I wanted to do that? Alabama girl. Married Alabama girl. It was her fault. I said this, but the truth was I could smell the musky scent from between my legs, where I had been playing as I waited.
W: maybe. It really is my first time to try this.
P: never been with a woman?
W: no, i'm lesbian. never done phone sex.
P: oh. not even with a gf?
W: no.
P: There's no need to be nervous. if it doesn't work, just hang up.
I thought back to Joanna Russell's voice and what it did to me. I wanted to feel like that again but more this time.
W: i want to
P: let me give u my number so you don't have to.
There was a pause while I stared at the number on my screen. It was indeed a Hawai'i number.
P: call me.
So this was it. It wasn't a fantasy anymore. All I had to do was type some numbers in my cell phone and there'd be another woman on the line wanting to touch herself to my voice. What an amazing and scary world. I stopped and closed my eyes, focusing my mind, calming my racing heart. Then I picked up the phone and dialed the number, cradling my cell against my ear as I went to the bedroom, vibe in hand.
