Perspective: A Student Named Kate
Her first foray into the world of sex came during a summer trip with childhood friends. All of them were college freshmen with most of them going to different schools. This was their annual bonding event to ensure they'd always remain friends.
The destination was Las Vegas after successfully begging their parents for permission and lots of cash. For several days they planned on exploring city life within legal limits. They had tickets for concerts, performances, and even planned out which destinations they'd visit.
It was presumed that they'd stick together the entire time. After all, what are friends on a trip for? But that wasn't the case.
Every so often, a friend would make a lame excuse for leaving a group activity, something about needing 'personal time alone.' Others were blunt about what they were doing. They were having sex with random hook-ups they'd meet.
Whenever they got together again as a group, there was plenty of blushing, sometimes laughter, lots of shame. In private, there was gossip and judgemental comments, and snide remarks about morality.
Everyone in the group was a hypocrite though. All of them had a sexual experience like that during the trip.
In that moment in time, her sexuality found its balance. She was an adult now and the rules were different.
The next defining moment of her sexuality is as follows...
Kate Miller began her second year of an all-girls private college. At elite institutions like that, cliques are everything. There were the popular girls, the geeks, the outcasts. Most of the girls came from rich families with influence in society.
Academically, it was a competitive place. Grading was done on a curve and awards were given publicly to the top students. As for sports? Trophies were large and standing on the field with the winning team was alluring.
The pressure on all fronts was enormous. It was an open secret that many of the girls had eating disorders to maintain the 'perfect' figure. Everyone wanted to be the prettiest (whatever that meant), the most slender, the best at sports, and the top of the class.
It was the perfect recipe for girls wanting their peers to fail.
Despite having all of the things that made a toxic environment, the institution was still a place of reverence. Their programs were world-class and the teachers were esteemed. Attending a place like this opens doors, socially and career-wise.
Somewhere amidst the chaos were girls like Kate Miller, who came from respectable families, but didn't have wealth, and didn't have the same bond as the popular girls, who'd known each other for years.
Kate was academically minded, but she was also an athlete on the Lacrosse team. Tall and lanky, she stood out compared to the other girls. Where most students were outgoing and eager for parties, Kate often retreated to her dorm. Having little in common with most of her peers, it turned out, was a blessing in disguise.
The evolution of her sexuality started with an announcement.
"We're aggressively expanding our arts programs," a teacher said at the end of class. "Everything from writing and painting, to stage work. It's a concerted effort to get students to broaden their interests. We're also expanding our ties to the local art community."
Emails were sent out, flyers were posted on walls, and teachers made announcements regarding upcoming events. Students buzzed with excitement for potential career opportunities. Everything from writing competitions, to more theater programs, to student art galleries.
Many of these were extracurricular, but some allowed students to earn extra credit for particular classes.
What piqued Kate's interest was writing. Her secret passion was writing fiction. Her secret dream job was becoming a novelist or a screenwriter. The chance to make connections in both worlds was like peeking into a window she never knew existed.
Late in the afternoon, she looked for the Literature teacher in the office area for an impromptu meeting. The teacher was stern with a hard edge, but always approachable, and always willing to assist students. Their relationship was cordial and she liked the teacher's taste in books.
The campus was small. Since the teacher wasn't in the office area, Kate had an idea of where to look. Many teachers head to classrooms earlier so that seemed like the logical place to look next. She walked to the next building and she saw a group of teachers having a conversation.
When the group split up, she followed the Literature teacher from a distance. The teacher entered an empty classroom which had a large window on one side with the curtains open.
Approaching the room, she saw Ms. Zanjani through the window, on her knees, praying with rosary beads in hand. It was true devotion, because unlike many people, this wasn't for show. This was genuine religion.
Kate paused, not wanting to interrupt anything. She watched from a distance, through the window, at Ms. Zanjani praying. A knock at the door broke the teacher's concentration. Another teacher entered the room and the prayer ended.
She assumed the conversation between the teachers would be over soon. After all, it was typical of teachers to have quick conversations between classes, so Kate just paced around outside.
When she looked through the window again, she saw Ms. Zanjani kissing the other teacher on the mouth. It was the kind of kiss that lovers would share. In the small world in which Kate lived, this was her first time seeing two women kiss. Even from the short distance, she could see tongues going in and out of their mouths.
The kiss ended and the teachers exchanged more words. Just like that, they returned to normal, as if nothing wayward happened between them. As if a kiss between teachers was as casual as discussing midterms.
As the other teacher left, Ms. Zanjani turned her head towards the window and Kate was caught in the salacious act of committing voyeurism.
***
Her next step towards debauchery happened the following day. Her seat in the Literature class was in the third row and all she could think about was the teacher's kiss. Her eyes focused on that bold red lipstick, watching Ms. Zanjani give a lecture about the book they were all reading.
When class was over, Ms. Zanjani gave a 'stay awhile,' to Kate, as everyone was leaving. Kate remained in her seat, with all her things packed on her desk, and Ms. Zanjani pulled a seat in front of her.
"Do you always spy around here?" the teacher asked, getting comfortable in the chair.
"Excuse me?" Kate replied, almost in a gasp, knowing the reckoning was about to happen.
"You've always been a respectful, straight-forward student. That's why it was such a surprise to discover that you spied on me yesterday."
The teacher held an excellent poker face which Kate was unable to read. It's not every day that you catch your teacher engaging in lascivious conduct on campus.
"I didn't tell anyone," Kate said calmly. "I swear."
"Thank you. I appreciate that."
"The whole thing was an accident. I wanted to see you about the upcoming arts programs because I'm interested in submitting a short story."
"You've come to the right teacher. Your timing was a little off though."
Kate managed a smile. "Like I said, I didn't tell anyone."
"Are you going to ask me what that was about?"
"If you're interested in sharing."
From her eyes, she could tell that the teacher was interested in sharing, as if wanting to clear up any misunderstandings; as if preserving her standing and dignity, to ensure that her stellar reputation would remain intact.
"This campus is a tight-knit community," Ms. Zanjani said. "Us teachers work long hours during each semester. We get lonely. It's that simple."
The well-crafted persona was coming down and the vulnerabilities were showing. Yes, this teacher was strict, oftentimes unforgiving, but there was also a softness that was undeniable and attractive.
"Makes sense. I get why you'd keep that secret, you know, the kiss."
Ms. Zanjani held firm. "You have no idea. Does it bother you? Does it make you uncomfortable at all?"
