A Death, Baked Bob, and the Personal Ad
(F/F, oral, anal, exhibitionism, jewelry, drugs, tattoos, piercings, food, bad accents)
DISCLAIMER – This is a fictional story to be read and enjoyed. If you can't read, stop reading. If you can't enjoy, stop reading. If you don't like any of the story codes mentioned above, stop reading. If you can't stop, it's not my problem.
Part 3 – The Worst First Date In Recorded History
I drove slowly to the coffee shop, hoping to minimize the amount of time I had to spend babysitting Bob's cousin. The place was two old storefronts converted into a caffeine junkie's paradise. The first part where you walked in was a service area with a counter taking up a whole wall. A large doorway in the opposite wall led into the other storefront, which was filled with tables, chairs and the occasional couch. The front of the room was a giant window that looked out onto the street.
Bob's cousin was sitting at a table in front of the window. I took one look at this girl and couldn't believe my eyes. Two words shot to the forefront of my mind – pure beauty. She had a face that looked sweet and innocent, like one of the princesses in a Disney film. Bob said she was twenty-four, but her face looked sixteen and it would be some years before it looked any older. Her blonde hair was cut just below her jaw line, with bangs that made her locks frame her face. It was an obvious attempt to make her look older, and it barely worked.
I stood and watched her for a moment. Something about her seemed off – the way she looked around, checking out the wall art, then the waitresses passing by, then the other people around her. Her arms went from being on the table to her lap to hugging herself to back on the table. At first I thought she had ADD or something, but then it came to me – she was uncomfortable. Maybe she didn't like waiting, or maybe she didn't like being in crowded rooms with lots of people, or maybe she didn't like sitting alone, or maybe she didn't like waiting alone in a crowded room full of lots of people. In any case I was prolonging her agony by just standing there.
I took one step to approach her and then froze in my tracks. Andy's phone call came back to me. Blonde girl. This girl was a blonde. Oh no. No, no, no. In one fluid motion I spun on my heel and was about to make for the door when –
"Keisha!"
Fuck. My first mistake was letting that stop me. My second was responding to her call by turning around. She smiled and waved. It wasn't a wide smile, she didn't even show any teeth, but there was something so sweet in it that I couldn't bear to let her down by fleeing. Even though every fiber in my body was saying run, I smiled back and walked over to the table.
When I got there she stood and we shook hands. Jessica wore a necklace with a silver cross and her right nostril was pierced, a simple silver stud that winked whenever it hit the light. "It's good to finally meet you," she said.
She emphasized the word 'finally', making it sound like Bob had talked about me before today. Which was funny, because he had never mentioned his cousin before. I smiled back and to be polite said, "Same here." We sat. When she spoke, I noticed Jessica's tongue was pierced with a silver bar. The waitress came over. Jessica ordered an espresso and I asked for hazelnut decaf.
"So," I said as the waitress walked off.
"So" Jessica replied as she smiled.
I hated these moments. Trying to cut off a prolonged uncomfortable silence, I said the first thing that came to my mind. "What do you for a living?"
Jessica gave me a confused look. "I thought you knew that already."
Great, she thinks Bob talks about her all the time. I smiled and said, "I have a bad memory."
"I'm a receptionist at a dentist's office, but I'm going to night school for computer programming." Jessica shrugged, "It's not as cool as being in advertising like you are, but I was never that creative."
I guess Bob hadn't mentioned my recent career change. Hearing Jessica talk about my old job kind of hit me wrong, so I was silent. Jessica didn't say anything and we had one of those uncomfortable moments I was dreading. It stretched into a full minute and finally I couldn't take anymore.
"So what kind of music do you like?" I asked. Jessica got a concerned look. "What?" I said.
"You are Keisha Parker, right?"
I smiled and nodded sarcastically. "Uh, yeah."
"Look," she said, "no offense to your bad memory, but if I can remember that you like old funk because your Dad was a musician, I would think you could remember that I like punk and metal."
This was worse than running into someone from high school whose name you can't recall while they remember every class you had together. "I have to go to the bathroom," I said. "I'll be right back."
When I got into a stall I took out my stash and popped a pill. This is what I get for doing a favor for a friend, much less Baked Bob. The girl was driving me so crazy that I went ahead and popped another pill without even thinking about it. I sat on the toilet for a few minutes, waiting for things to kick in. Bob would owe me big for tonight.
I walked to the mirror and felt the drug coming on strong as I fixed my hair. There was a fight with the bathroom door, which I put an end to when I stopped pushing and found the handle to pull it open. I collided with a woman coming around the corner and apologized about sixty-five times to her. The bathroom was in the back of the coffee shop, so it looked like a forty-mile walk to the table from where I stood. I just kept telling myself to take it slow and everything would be fine.
Fine went out the window in the first two steps when I kicked someone's chair leg. As I apologized to them I bumped into a waitress and knocked the cups she was carrying off her tray. They smashed onto the floor and I tried to help her pick up the mess. She kept telling me it was okay and I realized I was trying to fit the pieces of the cup back together. I got up and started walking towards Jessica again, but stopped to tell a woman I liked her dress and engaged her in a conversation so I could find out where she got it. As soon as she mentioned the store name I walked off without finishing the conversation. Just before I got to the table I noticed someone's dessert on a table. It was a piece of cake drizzled in chocolate sauce.
"Oh, that looks good," I said as I reached over the person and used my finger to wipe up some sauce.
"Hey!" he yelled as I licked my finger.
"Mmmmm," I said. "You're going to love that."
"Are you okay?" Jessica asked as I sat down.
"I'm...just..." My attention wandered for a moment as I felt something against my face. I realized it was my hand and put it back into my lap. "Look," I said, "I'm trying my best to be...patient here. It's just hard because...well...you're being a bitch."
"What?!"
"Yeah." I felt my hand on my face again and took it away. "I mean...it's hard enough...hard enough..." I lost my train of thought, found it again and said, "I'm here doing a favor for a friend, but all this attitude I'm getting is –"
Jessica cut me off. "Wait, what do you mean you're doing a favor for a friend?" I stared at her. She continued, "Look, unless you're the wrong person, we met on the Internet last week. You answered my personal ad. Hell, you sent me your picture, that's how I recognized you. And now here you are acting like you never read any of my emails."
A bell started ringing in my head. I leaned over to get close to Jessica's face, resisted the urge to lay down on the table, and asked, "You're not Baked Bob's cousin, are you?"
