So, since, Crash Course was supposed to be what's happening in my life at the current time, lack of sex = looooong pauses between chapters. But I did write another chapter finally! I know it's a little (ok, a lot) different than the others, but it's what's on my mind at the moment. And sorry if there's too much background and not enough sex, it's just that since Crash Course is based on events that all actually happen, a lot of those events are key to the relationships that form and the way we react to things that later happen. So they must be included. Onto the story...picking up from where the last one left off. Let me know what you think. Thanks!!
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So, since the last time I'd had sex with Matt, something had clicked off in my brain, and I decided I wasn't going to keep sleeping with him. Why? I really couldn't tell you; I just decided I'd had it with that, and I was going to wait for a serious relationship, or at least someone I actually felt something for, before I was going to hop into bed again.
I think Matt sensed that something was wrong. It wasn't like we talked a ton as it was, but he started asking if things were all right, especially after I started making up excuses about why he could never come and spend the night. "My parents were visiting" or "I had to work" or whatever kept him away was good enough for me. Like the lyrics of a song, "once the paper's crumpled up, can't be perfect again," something had changed. Although he tried to be nice, nothing could smooth out all the wrinkles and the negative perceptions I had gained towards him.
That was ok though, it really didn't matter--I didn't see him all that often. However, without him bugging me (and he finally did get the point after awhile), I really had nothing to do other than to go to law school.
At some point, it became obvious that I needed to get a job. While I didn't have to worry about paying for school, I didn't have much money in the bank, and it's awfully hard to go and do anything without any money. I tried hard to find a job, I really did. I actually did have a job back in high school and college which I could have transferred to the new city I was in, but I was trying to avoid that because I wasn't very fond of the job. I could make this into a super long story about my trials and tribulations in finding a job, but I won't. Long story short, I didn't get any other jobs, and I asked the local Meijer to transfer my position, which they did. That's where this story begins.
I started work at this new Meijer on a Saturday night. The first day, I met Samantha, Elizabeth, and several other people that I currently work with (but I can't remember who else was there that night, and it really doesn't matter). At the Meijer I used to work at, the managers were particular about breaks and lunches. No two people in the same department could go at the same time, so when everyone would start their shifts, they would all get together and decide who was going at 6, 6:30, 7, and so on. So, not knowing this Meijer would be any different, I realized I had not been asked when I would be taking a lunch. I was supposed to be working in the infants section (I work in the fashions department), and so I went on a hunt for one of my new co-workers to ask about the lunch thing.
The first person I found was a girl who had been introduced to me as Samantha. She was pretty, but that wasn't one of those things that occurred to me at the time. People have to grow on me. I remember walking up to her thinking that her perfectly straightened hair was framing her face just the way that mine should, although I could never get it to look like that. Her hair was a nice medium brown, with her bangs hanging over the left side of her forehead. I walked up to her, and asked her when she was going to lunch. She said "whenever," and I explained to her how we did things at the other Meijer. I could tell she clearly thought I was an idiot. She said something like "no, just go whenever you want." I remember saying "ok" and practically running back to my assigned section.
I later found out that at this Meijer, none of the team members are very friendly towards you until you've been there for awhile. So, in addition to no one being super friendly towards me for the longest time, let's just say my perceptions in general were quite off for awhile. The girl named Elizabeth was very friendly towards me, or so I thought. Later, it turned out that she's one of those people who are nice and sweet to your face and then stab you when you turn around. But I thought she was the friendly one. On that same note, I thought Samantha wasn't very friendly. Well, things change.
After some time, everyone was talking to me, or at least, "everyone" included the people in my department. That was enough, because I at least knew someone to talk to or to eat lunch with.
Not much progressed for the longest time. Samantha and I became friends, but slowly. I had started working at Meijer at the end of August. School quickly started back up for me, and I was only able to work on the weekends. Christmas arrived faster than anyone could have imagined, and me and Samantha went in together on a gift for our manager, Nancy. We got her a necklace and something else, but I can't remember what now, as that was over a year ago.
During working at Meijer, talking to your co-workers was inevitable, so sooner or later, you learned a bit about everyone that you worked with. I found out that Samantha lived close to work. As I also live reasonably close, I was curious where she lived. For the longest time, she would simply tell me "oh I live really close" but would never go into detail. I don't remember exactly when it was, but one day when she made a comment about living close, I asked, and she told me where she lived. I found out lots of random stuff, most which wouldn't be anywhere near applicable to the story, but one thing that intrigued me was that her birthday was on the day that my anniversary with Brandon used to be. Which means, of course, considering that I'll probably know her for years to come, I'll never forget what that day used to mean. Anyway.
After a long while, one day we exchanged phone numbers. I can honestly say that now, 90% of my texts are from this girl. She slowly opened up to me, and as she did, she became more funny and attractive.
Sam (she responds to Sam, so in alternating between Sam and Samantha, I'm referring to the same person) has a very dry sense of humor, and is very sarcastic. It took me almost 2 years after meeting her to realize something -- she is a lot like Brandon. While I'm sure some of my friends would be quick to point out that that's why I like her, and that's why we became friends in the first place, considering that I did not realize that until quite awhile after meeting her, I'm not so sure that's the case. Regardless of why, we became friends.
Shortly after that Christmas, my birthday rolled around, and a different co-worker urged me to accept Jeff's (yet another co-worker) invitation to go to the movies. For some reason, I didn't think it was a date. Wrong. I went on two dates with Jeff, the second one ending in the worst sex of my life. This guy wouldn't even be worth mentioning except for one thing -- he brought me and Samantha closer together. You see, during that spring semester, Samantha and me both had a break in our classes for about four hours every other day. So, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, she would head over to the law school building and we would have lunch together, talking and laughing about whatever was amusing at the moment. For the longest time, the subject of our conversations was Jeff. Before I ever went out on that date with him, we talked about things that he would text me (always sexual. We eventually moved onto what the first and second date were like, and after the horrible second date, Sam was the first person I told about just how horrible it was. While I'm sure I would still have been friends with Sam had it not been for Jeff, he definitely gave us something amusing to talk about.
Weeks turned into months, and the spring semester was over before I knew it. Summer started, and I was still taking classes, and now working at the same time. But, as I was only in class for 2 hours a day, I was working much more, and so, I got to see Samantha considerably more than I otherwise would have. By this time, I had made friends with some of the people outside of my department, and we'd all get together once a week for "game night" at my place. Samantha always came to these game nights, and eventually, we started to hang out outside of Meijer, school, and game night. Nothing major, but she grew on me.... to the point where I was debating telling her I liked her.
Now, I had always considered myself straight, or at least labeled myself as such, but I'd always been somewhat attracted to women. I've now come to find out that most bisexuals are not equally attracted to both sexes, but regardless, I had hesitated to label myself as anything other than straight before meeting this girl. Samantha was just... different. It was one of those can't-put-your-finger-on-it things, where it took me forever to even admit to myself that I actually liked
liked
her. That's when things got awkward.
Because the thing was, apparently, once I admitted to myself that ok, I was attracted to her, and ok, maybe I was bi... I allowed myself to do things I wouldn't have otherwise done. If she'd come in looking pretty, I'd tell her (not specifically using the word "pretty," but you get the idea), if she had on tight jeans, I'd ogle (discretely, of course), a low cut shirt... well, you get the idea. I didn't turn into the typical-[fe]male by any means, but I did catch myself enjoying the view.
And one night, I decided to tell her.
You see, even after the incident with Jeff, I still talked to him occasionally. One random night, I was having a conversation with him about threesomes, and a conversation with Sam about the conversation with him (all of this through text messages). Make no sense? Good. Cause it didn't. I had had a few drinks, and through a lot of complicated conversation that I won't even try to replicate here, I basically told her that I was bi and wanted to jump her bones. In pretty much those exact words, give or take. Apparently, that was a bad idea.
She seemed to take it well at the time, though. She told me that she was straight and boy-crazy and all that and I thought ok, I looked like an idiot with what I did, but she's ok with it. Yeah... not so much. Samantha started avoiding me like the plague. She did a complete 180; I went from having to empty my text message inbox on my phone every day to getting one text a week. Literally, (as can be vouched by a phone bill my parents hold onto for its amusement factor), I went from 2000 texts a month to 20.
As a lot of my co-workers are conservative and don't even have a clue that I'm bi (because I'd be heading towards the burning fires of hell in their minds), for a moment there, I found no one to turn to. Yet again. The only person that knew at first was Jeff. He told me just to wait it out, and wasn't much help. I eventually found a friend in another co-worker of mine, Ashley. I told her the whole story, which she completely understood and didn't freak out about, and she really helped me through it. In fact, we actually laughed about the entire thing several times, and when something would happen that was like an "update" in that part of my life, she was the first to know.
When I say that Sam avoided me like the plague, she really did. Samantha would avoid me on breaks, lunches, on the floor at work, just anywhere she could. I remember the one day we were both waiting at the time clock to clock in for the day and she just stood there and stared at the ground. Wouldn't look at me, wouldn't say hi, nothing. Awkward. I made every effort to not push things, but to remain friendly. I tried not to react to anything any differently than I normally would have, and I intentionally tried to not say things that could be taken the wrong way (for instance, on occasion I call people "hun" -- I made sure not to accidentally do this to her). I tried to say hi if she walked by, tried to text her, be friendly. After awhile, I did push things a bit, and I still feel that had I not, she never would have come around.
