A Change of Direction

There is not a lot of sex, and it is mostly near the end.

...............

"You're a beautiful girl," he said. "You're sweet and I can't think of anyone more wonderful."

Was this it? Was my long time boyfriend finally going to propose to me? I spent the night at his place more than at my own and we'd been seeing one another for over a year. All I needed was for him to ask me to marry him, and I'd be moving in tomorrow.

"I think we need to pull back though."

"Pull back? What the fuck does that mean?"

"We can still see each other, and spend the night together, but I need we both need the freedom to see other people."

"If I'm so wonderful, why do you need to see other women?"

"It's not you, it's me. I just..."

"Damned right, it's you."

"Look, baby, I want to keep seeing you..."

"You want to keep fucking me, while still running around with other women."

"Honey, you're taking this all wrong."

"No, I think I'm taking it exactly right. You want someone convenient to fuck, while playing the field."

"This isn't how this was supposed to happen."

"Damn right, it isn't. I wanted to move forward with our relationship. You want to back off."

"Baby, let's go back to my place. We can have a few drinks and work things out. You can spend the night and we'll figure things out going forward."

"Screw you. You can spend the night jerking off by yourself. I'm leaving."

I grabbed my purse and stood up, almost knocking my chair over. At this point we had attracted the attention of a number of other people in this part of the restaurant.

"Please, baby. Don't make this worse than it already is."

"I'm not sure it can get any worse."

With that, I turned around and stormed out of the restaurant. I got outside and grabbed my phone and called for an Uber to take me home. I moved far enough away from the restaurant and from his car that I shouldn't accidently bump into him while waiting. There was no way I was going to let him see me cry even if I did, so I held back the tears that so wanted to come out.

My ride arrived and I went back to my apartment. Once I was safely inside, I wept, like I hadn't in a long, long time. I thought he was the one, though I suppose I should have seen it coming. He never let me keep any clothes at his place. Quite clearly that was so other women wouldn't know he was seeing me regularly. Then there were the 'work functions' that he had to go to, and which he couldn't take me to.

In retrospect, I know now that's when he was seeing other women. I suppose I should have been smarter, but he had me convinced that I was really the only woman for him. Well, that was over now. My phone rang with several calls from him, which I refused to answer. He sent some texts which I deleted without reading, then I blocked his number.

At least I'd been smart enough not to give him a key to my place. I made sure the door was well locked, then went in my bedroom, lay down in bed without even taking off my clothes, curled up in a fetal position and cried myself to sleep.

.......................

I am Michelle, 26 years old, living in the city, and with a good job. I'm 5'4" and 120 pounds, nicely distributed, if I must say so myself. I have b-cup breasts, a cute face, and a nice overall shape, at least that's what my boyfriends have said. Then again, I'm not sure how much I trust what they've told me, not after the thing with Brad.

I'd been serious about Brad, and up until that night had thought he was serious about me. Now I know better, though what happened still hurt. I had a two bedroom apartment, which I lived alone in since a former roommate bailed on me and left me stuck with the lease. I could afford it, but saw little point in paying for two bedrooms when I only needed one.

I had assumed that I might be moving in with Brad, but that clearly wasn't going to happen. I still had a couple of months left on my lease and figured if I didn't find a roommate before then, that I'd go to a one bedroom place. A one bedroom place cost less, but still lots more than half the cost of a two bedroom apartment.

I'd kind of held off on trying to find a roommate, since I hoped things would work out with Brad. Now that I knew they wouldn't, I either needed a roommate or to move. I'm a department manager of an accounting department for a major company. The pay is decent and I enjoy the work. I have a ten person department and I treat my folks well.

Another department manager at my company said she had a sister who was looking to share an apartment. Rachel had a one bedroom place and her sister was crashing on the couch, which was tough on both of them, plus they needed a bit more space, not just physically, but emotionally. The little sister was willing to share a two bedroom place, but her big sister didn't want that.

At the time, I kind of filed that away as a backup plan in case things didn't work out with Brad. Now, very clearly things were not going to work out with Brad. I spend my weekend moping about my apartment, crying occasionally and trying to clear out any evidence of Brad in my life. He had given me a few cheap gifts, which I quickly gathered and donated to a charity.

I went out on my computer and unfriended Brad and blocked him on social media. He had tried messaging me and emailing me, so I blocked his email as well. I deleted any reference to Brad and things we'd done together from my feed. I wanted no more evidence of Brad in my life. It was so thorough that I got messages from a couple of friends who figured out something was up.

One of the people who figured it out was Rachel, the department manager who had the sister crashing with her. We talked on the phone, and after I poured my heart out, Rachel mentioned that her sister Sarah was still looking for a place.

"Look, I love my sister, but she is really starting to get on my nerves."

"It's tough when you only have one bedroom."

"And she and I are NOT sharing a bed. I value my privacy too much."

"It's tough and I know you like having your boyfriend Kris over occasionally."

"Since Sarah crashes on the sofa, if Kris comes to my place we have to go to the bedroom, and I'm not always up for that."

"You can't go to his place?"

"He lives in his parents' basement. There's no way that's happening."

"That really sucks."

"I know you haven't been too thrilled with the idea because of your thing with Brad, but now that he's done, why don't you let Sarah move into your second bedroom?"

"Can she afford half the rent and utilities?"

"She works full time, but doesn't make as much as we do. What if she pays half the rent and you cover utilities? It helps all three of us that way."

"I don't know. I don't want her bringing a string of boyfriends over to my apartment."

"Believe me, she won't be bring any boyfriends over. She's not seeing much of anyone, and she always goes to their place if she hooks up, which she hasn't done in quite a while."

"Not when she's sleeping on a sofa, but if she has a bedroom..."

"So one of the conditions is that she never brings anyone back."

"I don't know. I kind of need to meet her and talk to her before I decide."

"What are you doing tonight? How about if Sarah and I come over with some take-out Thai? You can meet her and decide if the two of you can stand to share a place."

"I was kind of drowning alone in my misery this weekend."

"So I'll bring a couple bottles of wine too. Chardonnay okay?"

"Make it big bottles."

"You've got it. See you around 7 o'clock."

.....................

I straightened up around my apartment, not that I ever let it get very messy or dirty. Still, while I was moping over Brad, I hadn't picked thing up quite like I normally did. I quickly vacuumed and made the bed in the second bedroom. I had a queen size bed in my bedroom, but only had a double bed in the second room. I had bought the bed, since my former roommate had no bed.

I had never met Rachel's sister, so I had no idea what to expect. Rachel is about my age, and when I've seen her always dressed very proper - business casual, but nice. Rachel is attractive enough that she never had a problem finding boyfriends, though she never seemed to get serious about any of them. Right about 7 o'clock, they arrived with Thai food and wine.

Sarah was 24, about 5'2", maybe 105 pounds, with one of the most beautiful faces that I've ever seen. She came across as quiet and shy and politely shook my hand when we met. She wore a dress that came down to about mid-thigh, and it was a blue that really made the blue in her eyes really sparkle. She had darkish blonde hair in a bob, with bangs that seemed to frame her face perfectly.

I shocked myself. I like boys and have always liked boys. I've never been interested in women, but when I saw Sarah, I was captivated. I had to tear my eyes away from her and lead them into the little dining room. I had set out plates and tableware, along with wine glasses and glasses of water. I had some bowls for the food, so we could each share all of the dishes.

I have a small round dining table and Rachel sat to my right, while Sarah sat directly across from me. Whenever I looked at her, she gave me a sweet shy smile. I didn't understand myself. Why was I so captivated by this young woman? Besides, with the way she looked, I knew she could get all the guys she could ever want.

We mostly just ate and drank wine until none of us wanted any more to eat. After dinner, we took our wine and moved into the living area. Rachel sat in the chair, with Sarah and I on the sofa. As I sat down beside this woman, my heart was beating so fast and hard, I'd have sworn that someone could hear it, but if they did, no one mentioned it.

"I don't know if your sister mentioned it, but one of my conditions was that you not bring any guys back here. I value my privacy, and in turn I won't bring anyone back either."

"I'm not seeing anyone and promise I won't bring anyone back here."

As Sarah said this, she took my hand in hers and I swear, my pulse, which had only started to get back to normal, shot through the roof again. For the life of me, I couldn't understand why Sarah did this to me. She let go of my hand, and I swear my hand was shaking a bit, as I put it back on my lap. It was starting to scare me, so I jumped up.

"Why don't I show you around the apartment?"

Sarah smiled at me as she got up and smoothed out her dress. Rachel got up also, but in spite of myself, Sarah was the sole focus of my attention. I walked over to the second bedroom. My knees felt weak, but I tried to keep that from showing. I opened the door and waved them both in the room.

"You already have a bed in here. That's great."

"Left over from my former roommate. Sheets and bedspread have been washed recently, and the bed hasn't been used for months."

Sarah looked in the closet, then turned to me and smiled. My heart fluttered again, and I hardly even knew what to say.

"This is very nice and very cozy. Certainly better than the sofa I've been sleeping on."

"There's two bathrooms. I can show you yours."

Her bathroom? Was I already committing myself to letting her move in here? I led them to the second bathroom, which was not huge, but was functional. I had a bathroom attached to my bedroom, so this was for a roommate or guests.

"This is cute and clean. I like it here." Sarah gave me a big warm smile.

"When were you interested in...?"

"If it's okay, I could spend the night here. It's way better than my sister's sofa, then I could get my stuff tomorrow - if that's okay with you."

I just nodded. Sarah gave a little shriek and threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tight. It was amazing I didn't collapse on the spot, just from the contact. She kissed me on the cheek before letting go of me.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you. I can't tell you how much I appreciate this."

Sarah did a cute little dance, and all I could do was stand there with my mouth hanging open. Sarah grabbed me and hugged me again, but instead of immediately turning me loose, kept her arms around me as she pulled back slightly. She looked at me, and for just a second, I thought she was going to kiss me, then she smiled and let go of me.

When she let go of me I wondered how exactly I felt about her kissing me. Did I want her to? Would I kiss her back? How did I even feel about kissing another woman? All this ran through my head as I stood there. And this was the first evening. Would I settle down and begin to feel normal about all this, or would it get bigger? Did I want it to get bigger?

If you had asked me a few hours earlier how I felt about a romantic relationship with a woman, I'd have scoffed at you. I had no interest in women. I never had any interest in women. I'd never even thought about being with a woman - not that way, anyhow. Now I could hardly think about anything else. Brad? Who was Brad, and why should I ever care about him? Why did I ever care about him?

I looked at Sarah, and realized she had not brought anything with her. Was she going to sleep in the nude? Could I handle seeing her going around the apartment in the nude? She was sweet and friendly, but I wasn't sure she had any interest in women. I wasn't going to push it at all, but didn't want to torture myself by seeing her naked body.

"I... have a long tee, I can lend you as a nightshirt."

"That's sweet of you. I didn't want to presume anything so I didn't bring anything to wear."

I went in my room and got a long tee from my dresser. Both Rachel and Sarah were still in the other room, so I sat on my bed for a minute to catch my breath. As I sat there, the door swung open and Sarah came in.

"So this is your room? Very nice, and very much like you."

I handed Sarah the tee. "It's nothing special, but it should do."

"If it came from you, and that makes it special."

Oh God, did that mean...? Could she be feeling...? I was afraid to even let myself think anything like that.

"Michelle, you just sit and relax, while I clean up the kitchen and put away the leftovers."

"You don't have to..."

"But I want to. If you're going to let me stay here, I need to carry my weight. Let me start by doing this."

"No need to wash the dishes, just rinse them and put them in the dishwasher."

"Thank you." Sarah smiled at me and leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, before leaving with the tee shirt I'd given her.

I slumped back on the bed, and reached up to touch my cheek where she'd kissed it. I lay there, wondering how her lips would feel on my lips. I wondered if I'd ever get to know how they felt. I closed my eyes and in my mind, I felt Sarah kissing me. I kissed her back, and our lips and tongues did a little dance - a mating dance, as it were.

I was snapped from my reverie by Rachel sticking her head in my room. "I'll see you at work on Monday. You can't imagine how much I appreciate you letting Sarah come here."

"She seems to be a lovely girl."

"Bye, and thanks again."

With that Rachel left, and I was left to my own devices. I wanted to touch myself, but was half afraid Sarah would return while I was doing it. I was also afraid that if I did, all my thoughts would be of Sarah, her sweet smile, her tender lips, and that body which I hadn't even seen yet. What would it do to me when I did see it? I was in lust, and everything we'd done and that I'd seen had been quite chaste.

Finally, I stirred from my bed and came out to find that Sarah had cleared the table, rinsed the dishes and put them in the dishwasher, and put the leftovers away. She had a sponge and had apparently wiped down the counters in the kitchen along with wiping the dining table. She had changed out of her dress into the tee that I'd given her.

We still had some wine left, and Sarah held up the bottle and two glasses.

"Would you like a little more wine? We could sit and relax and get to know each other a little better."

I nodded mutely and staggered over to the living area. I moved toward the chair, when Sarah spoke again. "You're going to sit on the couch with me, aren't you?"

I sat on the sofa and Sarah brought the wine and glasses and sat beside me. She poured us each a glass and handed mine to me. We touched glasses and she spoke. "To friendships, new and old."

We each took a sip of wine and sat back.

"I love my sister but it was really getting to be a problem. Kris spends the night with her regularly, and even when he doesn't, it just seems a little too much to share a bed with her."

"It isn't that unusual for sisters to share a bed."

"It's a double and that's just a little too much closeness. There's no way not to touch."

"It's not like..."

"She and I were both happier with me on the sofa instead. And I started to get a little uncomfortable around Kris."

"Why is that?"

"Nothing I can really discuss. I'm just happy to be out of there."

"Even when I was seeing Brad, he never spent the night here. We went to his place if we were going to be together."

"Rach was saying that went badly for you."

"I wanted something serious with him, and he just wanted a lot less."

"Are you jumping back in the dating scene then?"

"No. There have been other guys who seemed interested, even when I was seeing Brad, but I think I need a break."

"I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding guys when you're ready."

"You aren't seeing any guys?"

"No, I'm not seeing anyone. I'm kind of taking a break from the dating scene also."

"Well, here's to each of us finding someone better when we're ready."

Sarah bit her lip and nodded. We talked a little more, finished our wine and I stumbled to my bedroom. I don't know. In one sense, I wanted her to put her arm around me and kiss me. If she had done that, I don't know how I would have reacted. Maybe I'd have kissed her back, maybe I'd have fled to my bedroom. At any rate, I was in my bedroom and she was in hers.

......................

I slept fitfully, with all sorts of strange dreams. In some dreams I was with Brad. In other dreams I was with Sarah. I woke up at one point from a dream in which Sarah and I were in wedding dresses standing before a minister. In another dream, I was pregnant and giving birth, with Sarah at my side. I'm not even sure who the father was supposed to be. I woke up sweating more than once.

I thought I was straight, and here I was having dreams about another woman. I tried to put her out of my head and went back to a restless sleep. When I got up in the morning, my sheets were a tangled mess, and both I and my sheets were soaked in sweat. I stripped the bed and headed to my bathroom to take a cold shower.

I showered and dressed for work. I didn't see Sarah before I left, and wasn't sure if she was there or not. I'd given her a key last night so she could easily come and go. I got to work and immediately found myself neck deep in all the usual problems, and then some. I saw Rachel briefly during the day and she seemed happier than normal.

When I saw her, for just an instant, I wanted to talk privately with her and ask if Sarah was interested in women. As soon as that thought came to mind, I quashed it. If I did that, Rachel would immediately think I was interested in something physical with Sarah. Honestly, I might be, but I wasn't sure and I didn't want Rachel to think I let Sarah move in so I could seduce her.

I had to work late and when I got home, Sarah was in the kitchen, fixing dinner. She gave me a big smile, then seemed embarrassed and looked down and away.

"I hope it's okay. I wanted to make dinner as a thank you."

"You didn't have to do that."

"I didn't have to - I wanted to."

"So what are we having tonight?"

"I made some nice lasagna, along with steamed asparagus and garlic bread."

"From scratch?"

"I cheated and used spaghetti sauce from a jar."