I picked up the post from the mat, more than normal I divided them up, the brown ones could wait until later. Sitting on the stairs I started to open the others, all were birthday cards from friends and family. I always loved my birthdays but this year was different. For the past ten years I would lie in bed, cards and presents delivered to me along with breakfast, always garnished with a red rose, by my husband. This year he was not with me nor would he ever be with me to celebrate my birthday.
I still don't understand why, I came home from work seven months ago to a letter, a letter explaining that he longer wished to be my husband and me his wife. He had met someone else he wanted a new life with her not me. I never had inkling this was going to happen, one day I go to work as normal I come home ten hours later to find the letter and all of his personal possessions gone. There was no explanation in the letter as to why. That was the last time we had direct communication between us, communication was now only through our respective solicitors.
Tears rolled down my cheeks I didn't want to be alone but I didn't want to be around others, a few friends and my sister had invited me to stay with them, I had declined. I didn't want my soon to be ex husband with me, all I wanted was the feeling within me that I had experienced over the previous ten birthdays. I opened the last card, and added it to the others placed at my side, they were all lovely some beautiful messages written inside. I did appreciate them but couldn't feel I could display them. Leaving them on the stairs I went back to bed, a thirty five year old woman alone, lonely and scared.
There was a ringing in my sleep, was I dreaming? I opened my eyes the phone was ringing. The name Sally was displayed it was my sister I answered it to a chorus of happy birthday to you.
"Hi Sally, how are you?" I asked.
"I'm fine, how is my little sister on her birthday?" She replied.
" Felt a little low earlier, it was strange opening cards and presents on my own. First time, thank you for the flowers, they are beautiful, they are arrived after I got home from work yesterday."
"Yes I know, you should have stayed over with us last night. You know you're welcome anytime, the kids love to see you and glad you liked the flowers."
"I didn't know how I would feel, I didn't want to have to put an act on that everything is okay." I replied.
"You never have to put an act on for me." Sally replied reassuringly. "I'm going into town with Helen in a while, a little shopping then some lunch, I would be lovely if you joined us?"
"I don't know, I'm still in bed didn't feel like getting up. I think I'll spend the day in the house, there's plenty that needs doing." Although I felt brighter than before I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. Ideally I would have loved today to be just another ordinary day.
"Don't be a silly moo, mopping around the house is not helping anyone. Come on lets have a few hours girlie time together, shopping and lunch what else could a girl ask for?"
It was a rhetorical question but I answered it. "Someone to fill the empty space in my heart. Sorry I didn't mean that."
"That's confirmed then, we'll be round in about forty five minutes to pick you up."
"I'm still in bed," I protested, "I won't be ready by then. I need to have a shower and get ready."
"Well you better get going then." There was sternness in Sally's voice.
"Okay you win, I lose. I'll meet you in town, about an hour or so?"
"If you're not there by eleven I'll let the kids come round to serenade you armed only with recorder and violin."
I laughed. "I'll be there I promise." I loved my nephews as much as would love my own children, but both had recently taken up music at school and their standard still had a long way to go. I could take about a minute of listening before I longed for whatever piece they were playing to come to an end.
"Love you Jen, big hugs and kisses to you, see you in Costa."
"Bye Sally, thank you."
"Bye bye." With that I put the phone down, I was in two minds whether I wanted to go, I knew we'd have a giggle. Helen was Sally's best friend and I was lucky to be able to call her my friend, a very caring, loving, funny woman, she'd also had had a similar experience to me a few years ago when her husband left her. Over the past few months she had helped me so much, she knew what I was going through.
I threw the duvet off and jumped under the shower, what to wear, it was un-seasonally warm for May, I eventually settled on a red summer dress. With hair and make-up done I went to grab the car keys. "Sod it." I thought, I would get a taxi, parking was always a pain and if we were having lunch I may want a glass of wine or two.
I arrived about quarter of an hour late; Sally and Helen were sitting outside the café. "You're lucky, another five minutes and the kids would be warming up the instruments"
"Hi Sally, hi Helen, sorry I'm late I had to wait for the taxi."
"Hi Jen, happy birthday to you, Sally didn't mention it to me until we got here. So if you see me rushing in to the card shop, don't follow!"
"Don't be silly Helen, you don't need to." I gave them both a hug.
"I got you a coffee, might be a little cold now. I'll get a fresh one."
"No don't Sally, that's fine, I'll drink it how it is." I had already kept them waiting and didn't want to hold them up.
We spent about fifteen minutes just doing the normal catch up chatting; I finished my coffee, time to hit some shops. I didn't have any plans of buying anything but Sally was after a new dress.
"I need to go to M&S, need some new knickers, I keep losing mine." Helen said cheekily. We both laughed. "I know what you two are thinking but the dog keeps stealing them and burying them in the garden. After that don't feel like wearing them." With that we left giggling some more.
In less than two hours we had searched, admired, dismissed, screamed, laughed and tried on nearly every dress in town but we had succeeded in finding Sally her dress.
"Time for knickers." Helen called out, probably a little louder than was needed as several glances went our way. We headed up the mall to Marks. Helen called a stop, "Lets try in here, I've heard some very positive things." We stopped at a new lingerie shop that had recently opened. "Something for everyone for every occasion." Helen added.
We went in, Helen was right it was like an underwear and lingerie superstore, you name it they had it everything from day to day bras and knickers to something a little more special all the way to a more erotic naughtier selection. I wandered through the shop looking but not paying too much attention to what was on sale.
Rounding a corner I nearly walked straight into Sally and Helen. "Sorry, wasn't looking where I was going." I apologised. We were in the naughtier section.
"Not at all," Sally answered. "We wondered where you had got to. So is there anything here that you don't already have?"
Sally knew something of my "erotic" wardrobe. "No nothing left all gone. It was all bought by him, or by me for him to enjoy. I threw it all away months ago, I don't want those memories."
"Sorry babe I wasn't thinking." Sally looked at me apologetically.
Helen jumped in before a silence could come over us "If it's all gone must be time to start a new wardrobe. What tickles your fancy?"
"You buy this sort of stuff for your man not for yourself. Some is nice but it's meant for wearing whilst running around the bedroom."
Helen jumped in, "You never know whom you're going to meet around the next corner. Always best to be prepared."
"No not today, anyway I'm getting hungry. Where do you fancy eating?" I asked.
