When I woke up, a male doctor was hovering over me, giving me the strangest look. When I followed his eyes, I saw he was looking at my boner, which was stabbing my blanket.
I snatched the pillow from underneath my head and put it on my crotch. "I had a dream."
"Sure you did," He didn't even look at me. He kept tinkering with his doctor supplies or whatever the fuck they were.
"What happened to me?" The IV in my arm pretty much gave everything away.
"You're in a hospital, Mr. Davis."
No shit.
"No shit, but why?"
Dr. Monotone Asshole was shuffling through manila folders, totally ignoring me.
"You had a panic attack and passed out. We revived you, but we kept you for observation in case anything else happened to you." He turned on his heels. "You have a history of self-harm. You've overdosed before. Twice, actually. We'd be fools not to keep you overnight."
Fuck. I hated medical records. Just when I thought I was over that shit.
"Has anyone visited me?"
He said, without even thinking, with his old ass, "A Roshanda Thomas and Andi Carson."
I was relieved. Just hearing their names put me at ease. "Did you tell them about my medical history?"
"No. Just that you had a panic attack, which is what Ms. Thomas already knew."
I nodded, sitting up further, and snagging a rubberband lying on my bedside table to put my hair into a ponytail. "Can I see them?"
"I'll let the nurse know." He sounded so distracted, yet he knew everything. It was annoying and helpful at the same damn time.
Shit. I just quoted a song on the radio.
A few moments later, Roshanda and Andi entered. Both of them looked like they just woke up, clad in sweatpants. Roshanda was wearing the Beatles t-shirt from the other day, her hair up in a ponytail.
"Hey, you guys." I sat up even more to give Andi a hug. Even if Ro had told her anything bad about me, she still hugged me like she missed me. Roshanda gave me a kiss and a long hug.
"Don't scare me like that again," she warned, squeezing me.
We let go, and I yawned. "What time is it?"
"Noon. We were here last night, waiting for you to wake up. But then they said they were keeping you overnight." Andi tossed her head back and gave herself a ponytail, too.
"I'm glad you're okay, though," Andi looked at Roshanda to see if she would try to kick her out I guess. When she didn't, she threw herself out.
"Well," she breathed, clapping her hands together once. "He's alive and it's been real, but I'm fucking starving. Y'all want anything?"
Roshanda answered, "I'm good. You want anything, Chris?"
I shook my head. The last thing I wanted was to tell her to get me a double cheeseburger loaded with mushrooms and bacon. I was starving too, but I'd feel rude asking her for something, especially if she thought I was screwing around on her bestie.
"Okay. I'll be back." Andi pulled out her phone as she walked away, most likely phoning her Chris Brown-looking boyfriend to let him know that I was okay. Even though he was friends with Roy, we had become pretty cool, too. Whenever Roy came around, it was kind of awkward. He'd just stare at me, but not in a mean way. More like a, I-know-I-fucked-up-and-now-you-got-what-I-wish-I-still-had stare.
Ro lingered, playing with her thumbs like Butters from "South Park." Or Leonard from "The Big Bang Theory." She looked awkward. She wanted to ask me something, but was nervous. So instead, she just pulled up a chair and sat next to me. She held my hand and rubbed the top of mine with her thumb. Then she stared at me with those soulful, emotional eyes and sighed.
"Baby, are you okay?"
I smiled. "Now I am." With my free hand, I traced a finger around her face. The face I couldn't bear to lose to some unexplained phenomena going on with me.
She looked at the pillow on my groin area and frowned. "You getting hard around the nurses now? Am I that ugly to you?" She joked, sounding confrontational on purpose.
I laughed. "Girl, please." After I held up the hand, I contemplated telling her about my dream, but I still didn't wanna spill my guts just yet. It wasn't a good time. I didn't know when a good time would even come around. Dr. Morris said I should just say it. But damn, how do you say something like, "Every girl I've ever been with has died for absolutely no unexplainable reason. But I hope you last the longest out of all of them!"
She smacked my hand away and rolled her eyes. "I'm worried about you," she began, still holding my hand. "You really scared me back there. We've been through this before, but you never blacked out."
I looked away and then placed my eyes back on Roshanda's face. "I know. I'm sorry I put you through that, baby."
Roshanda scoffed. "It's not that you put me through that that worries me. You should never apologize for something like that when it's beyond your control, baby. That's like me apologizing for getting sent to the hospital if I got shot or something."
I nodded. "You're absolutely right."
"Now," Roshanda scooted closer, still holding my hand in hers. "You wanna tell me about that little incident in Reckless? I was about to fight that bitch for you, you know that right?"
I tried to laugh through the sorrow. Tears were forming in my eyes. I did not want to tell her the truth. It was too much.
Maybe if I just explained the part about Reckless. Maybe then she would leave me alone and this would never come up again.
"Raquel. . ." I cleared my throat. "Raquel was friends with the first girl I fell in love with. Her name was Ashleigh. We lost our v-cards to each other and everything. We knew we were in love."
Rashonda inched back a bit, astounded I guess? Not so sure. "Then what happened?"
Fuck. Here came the waterworks.
"I woke up the night when we. . ." A single tear fell down my cheek and Rashonda leapt from her chair to give me a hug. But I was okay after I smelled her sweet strawberry-scented perfume.
"I'm fine now."
Roshanda sat back down, still holding my hand. "Continue."
"She died the morning after. I didn't do anything. I swear. I just woke up and she was gone. Doctors said she had a pre-existing condition. An enlarged heart. So it contributed to her death. But Raquel basically told everyone that I killed her and that it was a cover-up. Everyone who was already not so sure if I killed her before was convinced when Raquel opened her mouth. All because she was jealous that I chose her friend instead of her."
Rashonda's eyebrows were holding hands at this point. "Chris, that is terrible! Did you and your dad sue her?"
"Honestly, the whole ordeal was draining. We tucked our tails between our legs and moved. She basically ran us out of the neighborhood. My dad saw the effect it was having on my mental health. Thought the best way to combat that would be to stop being surrounded by it. That's why we moved to Glenview. We wanted a fresh start. I mean, it wasn't so fresh for me, but it definitely helped. I mean, I almost ki—kicked my smoking habit, but remembering everything about that night...it didn't help."
I couldn't say that I tried to kill myself. Not yet. It was too risky. I'd scare her away. I was surprised what I was saying now wasn't freaking her the fuck out. No, instead she was kissing my hand and I saw her crying, too.
"I'm sorry, Chris. That's horrible. She was your first love," Roshanda held me close, close enough for me to feel like I could tell her anything. But I really couldn't.
I hugged her back, rubbing her back up and down.
"Sweetie, please don't scare me like that again. You were holding all of this in," she wiped her tears away with her wrist. "You could have just told me this. You can tell me anything, baby." She held my face in her hands, still crying a bit.
"Is there anything else I should know? You only had a few panic attacks, but if anything else can trigger them, I wanna know. I wanna know so I can save you if it happens."
"Just say NO" I kept repeating in my head over and over again.
Like the fucking idiot I am, I said "No, Roshanda. That's it."
Knife, meet own back. The hand that holds it is a moron. ..... I was discharged later that day. The nurse gave me a prescription for some Prozac and after picking it up, I took Roshanda to my dad's place in Glenview. I didn't want to think about how I just super lied to Ro, and how I was battling my demons all over again with the whole Cherry situation. I just wanted to spend some time with my girlfriend while my dad was out. He'd be back in a few days. Him and his friends decided to hiking and explore nature and whatnot. My dad was always doing something.
Me and him and were besties because of two reasons. Our united hatred for Susan, my mom, who decided that her image was more important than her family, and our love for practically the same stuff.
When I was younger, my mom abandoned me and my dad because she decided we weren't good enough. My mom was one of those rich bitch types. She was loaded when she met my dad, and even though her parents didn't approve of him—he was basically me, but without the mental issues—she married him anyway. He had his own job and could afford to put them up in a nice place, but no matter what, he was a "gold-digging asshole who just wanted to use Susan as a sugar mom," as Susan's sister put it. So one day, Susan let them get into her head, and she started seeing some guy who basically looked like Buzz Killington and they had a secret affair, which led to her up and leaving my dad. She'd come back to tell him what he already knew and then demand a divorce. With a pre-nup, my dad basically got nothing. But he didn't care. As far as he was concerned, money wouldn't be able to make up for anything she did to him. The fact that he loved her enough to sign the pre-nup anyway speaks both volumes and complete irony to the situation at hand.
He had a nice little home in Glenview. Two floors, two bathrooms, a huge kitchen, and a big ass television in the living room. We'd watch so many movies on that thing. That was our bonding time before I went off to college. My dad was my best friend. We bonded all the time.
"You want anything?" I asked, throwing my jacket down on the couch.
"No, that Wingstop that Andi damn near shoved down my throat was enough." She put her bag on the couch and walked into the kitchen to wash her hot sauce-stained hands.
"What are you about to do, Ro?"
From the kitchen she yelled, "Take a shower, I guess. I know I'm funky."
"Girl you stank, take a bath, girl you stank!"
