Guys, I have a problem. I have a thing for older White ladies with big butts. I don't remember exactly when I realized this, but it thoroughly creeps me out. What kind of pervert lusts after someone's grandma? Try as I might, I couldn't get rid of these forbidden sexual feelings. In case you're wondering who this is, the name is Sylvester Saint-Mathieu. I was born in the town of Quartier Morin, on the northern coast of the island of Haiti and moved to the City of Montreal, Quebec, a decade ago, with my parents, Louis and Geraldine Saint-Mathieu. Today I live in the City of Ottawa, Ontario, and attend Carleton University. I'm a psychology major, which is ironic considering how twisted my own psyche is at the moment.
Since I couldn't banish them, I set about satisfying my sexual urges. I was hanging out at the Saint Laurent Mall with my buddies Ralph Etienne and Jeffrey Edmond, the only Haitian guys I ever ran into at Carleton University. We were coming out of HMV, where Jeff bought two DVDs, Hancock and Coming To America. He's the most afro-centric brother I know, and has a veritable library of Black movies at home. He's engaged to a tall, fine-looking Ethiopian chick named Bethlehem Bogale. My other buddy Ralph is just the opposite. His girlfriend Minerva Chang is Chinese, and he hasn't dated a Black woman since Bill Clinton was in the White House.
Me? I'm perennially single. I date women of all races, because I ain't that picky. My ex-girlfriend Anne did a real number on me, man. That Haitian diva stomped all over my heart. That's why I'm taking a break from Black chicks at the moment. I see a lot of sisters walking around Ottawa with White guys, so I decided to try to get myself some White pussy. Unfortunately for me, the kind of White woman I lusted after rarely goes for the brothers. When was the last time you saw a White woman over fifty with a Black man? It's mostly young White women who date interracially. Older White women tend to stick with White guys from their social class and age bracket. I thought I'd never get a chance to taste "mature" White pussy, until I met Doris Jeanne Diamant, D.J. to her friends.
Ralph and Jeff basically ditched me at the mall because they had dates with their respective girlfriends that afternoon. Me? I'm the single guy. I decided to hang around the mall a bit. I was sitting at the center of the food court, picking at the Manchu Wok I just bought. My mind was drifting. I tried not to think about Anne, my ex-girlfriend. Damn it, I gave my all to this woman and she treated me like shit. Took me for granted, didn't show me much appreciation or respect. Oh, well. Plenty of fish in the sea as they say. Looking around the mall, I saw lots of couples. A bearded Arab guy holding hands with a blonde-haired White woman. A Chinese guy playing tonsil hockey with a chick who looked Hindu, at least to me. A Black woman arguing with a tired-looking Black man who picked at the sushi in front of him. Looking at the two of them, I shook my head. Ah, the tired brother and the loud, argumentative Black woman. Where have I seen that before? Oh, yeah. I used to live it. I shook my head and continued picking at my food.
Why do you look so sad? A voice asked me. I looked up, and noticed a pretty White woman sitting at a table five feet from mine. The lady looked really good. I could tell she was at least forty, but she looked like a movie star. Blonde hair, bronzed skin, blue eyes, perfectly applied makeup and stylish clothes. I smiled at her and told her it had been a long week. Winking at me, she told me to cheer up because another week was starting soon. I nodded at that, since it was Sunday morning. I finished my food, dropped the empty plate in the trash bin and wished the pretty White lady a happy Sunday as I walked by her. She smiled and nodded. I walked out of the food court, toward the escalators in front of HMV. I rode one down, and then walked around the mall for a while. All the cute couples were starting to make me want to puke, man. And to make matters worse, whoever's in charge of the mall music department decided to play that old song "Take My Breath Away". It's the ultimate lovebirds song. I totally did not want to be listening to that a week after I got dumped, but the fates were merciless. Gritting my teeth, I walked into the bookstore.