"My dear, this is Hero. The architect who did this marvellous job." Mr. Mulinski said gesturing back and forth to his surroundings and me.
Vanessa, then, directed her radiant smile at me, and I couldn't help but to be warmed by it. I smiled back and she pulled me in for a quick, motherly hug.
"Oh, but you are truly talented, my darling! This house is absolute perfection." She said as she let me go.
I smiled happily. At least, my professional life was going steady.
"Thank you, Vanessa. Can I call you Vanessa?" I asked, insure. I didn't know her to be a Miss or a Mrs. Something. But she was one of those people who made you feel comfortable around them, so I figured she wouldn't mind me being so blunt and intimate.
"Oh, of course, please. Call me Vanessa!" She squeezed my hand on hers. "Come here and let's talk about a little cottage I'd like you to fix."
We sat down on a small couch by a corner and talked fluidly for what felt like forever. In that time I emptied my glass of wine and was beginning to feel giddy and warm all over, and was faintly aware of my laughing being too loud. Vanessa herself drank what seemed to be champagne and her cheeks were pink against her pale skin.
I felt strangely comfortable talking to her, as if she were someone I've known forever. There was something about her, a familiarity in her voice and her soft, brown eyes which were slightly slanted, and gave her whole face a sophisticated and mysterious air. Had I ever met her before? Nah. She just had one of those faces.
I was laughing at something Vanessa had just told me when she fixated her eyes at something behind me.
"Ah! Come here, my dear!" She called to what turned out to be a someone behind me, as she gesture for them to come closer.
In that moment, I could have had a billion random thoughts in my head. I could have been thinking about anything, but in that moment, that specific moment in time, the image of a familiar face I had not seen in ten years flashed in my mind, just like that, out of the blue. I thought of him sometimes, more seldomly now than I used to. But I thought of him. Still, when I turned around, I expected to see anyone, anyone in the whole wide world, but him.
Instantly all the air on my lungs vanished and I felt a burning behind my eyes with the threatening of tears. Every single hair in my body prickled, I felt them rising from my scalp to my spine, and I shivered slightly. The only thing my body managed to do was keep my heart beating then, because when I tried to speak nothing came out.
I took the deepest breath of my life and I spoke his name at the same time Vanessa was finishing her sentence.
"Hero, dear, this is my nephew-"
"Finn." We both said.
I was afraid if I blinked a tear would fall and betray me. So I just kept my eyes widely opened, gazing up at him as one would a ghost. Which was exactly what he was. A ghost.
Vanessa said something.
"Yes, we are acquainted. Hello, Hero." I heard his voice. Had he said my name?
I didn't registered any words. It was like watching a movie in a different language without any subtitles. I watched every scene, carefully, but didn't understand anything being said.
His eyes were what was so familiar about Vanessa. Those brown eyes which used to be the first thing I saw every morning when I woke up to find them staring at me with wrinkles on their corners, put there by his smile. A smile which I used to be the reason for.
Right now, there was no such thing as a smile on his eyes. I saw a flash of shock pass through them so quickly, someone who didn't know those eyes so well wouldn't have noticed. But I did. I saw his lips go white, his eyes go wide, right before it all faded and his face turned into a mask of indifference. Finn just looked right through me, nothing on his features suggesting that seeing me again was affecting him half as much as it affected me. None of the people around us would ever dream of thinking that once he'd had his lips on my skin whispering 'I love you' over and over again, or that I had run my hands over his wavy, dark hair while his head was in between my legs.
Hundreds of memories flooded my mind, and I shook my head slowly to clear it. I saw Finn's lips move, and was vaguely aware of Vanessa's voice, speaking to him and then to me. I forced my eyes to leave his face.
"I'm sorry. What?" I asked, turning to Vanessa and blinking several times.
"I asked, are you alright? You seem to be a little...disturbed." She was leaning towards me, her voice holding a hint of concern. Then she turned to Finn.
"Finland, dear. Can you get Hero a glass of water?"
"No, no, no! I'm fine!" I said too quickly, turning my head back to Finn. He stood there completely impassive. I couldn't take that cold look on his eyes, not when it was directed at me. I turned back to Vanessa.
"I'm quite fine, really." I got up too quickly, and oscillated on my feet. But before I could fall back to the couch, I felt his strong arms behind my back, steadying me.
This close to him I was able to smell his skin. He still smelled exactly the same. Like pine needles and that smell that was intrinsic to him, which triggered nostalgic feelings long forgotten in the back of my head. I remembered the way his smell would stick to my pillow even after he'd leave my bed, but mostly I remembered how it felt to press my nose to his skin.
He was so close I felt his breath hot on my temple. His narrow brown eyes met my doe-like ones and I saw that he was thinking about same things I was. I could almost see the memories flashing behind his eyes, along with some other emotion I couldn't quite put my finger on. Nostalgia or regretfulness, maybe. I wasn't sure. But just as swiftly as he held me, he let me go. I felt a lump in my throat and cleared it before speaking.
"Will you excuse, please?"
I dashed out of there and into the bathroom in a matter of milliseconds. I locked the door behind me and sank down on a seat inside the little room.
I couldn't breath. I tried taking gulps of air in through my mouth clutching onto the fabric of my dress over my stomach. I couldn't tell whether the tears that started running down my face were due to the shock of seeing Finn or due to the pain I felt in my chest. It was a physical kind of pain as much as an emotional one. There was a tightness in my chest, but at the same time it felt like it'd burst with the overwhelming wave of different emotions hitting me all at once. I felt anger, guilt, longing, happiness, sadness, regret, surprise, nostalgia, but most of all I felt miserable.
I had convinced myself I'd never see him again, and now here he was. He was back. I'd seen him, heard his voice, he said my name, I looked into his eyes and saw I was nothing to him now. He clearly had no lost love for me. If anything I was sure now he still blamed me for the past.
My heart was drumming in my ears. I took deep breaths, counted to ten and moved to the sink. I splashed some cold water on my face and looked at my reflexion in the mirror.
"Get a grip, Hero." I demanded of myself.
I fixed my make-up and opened the door only to almost collide with Vanessa outside.
"Oh!" She jumped, startled. "I was coming to check on you. Are you feeling better, my dear?" There was so much worry in her eyes. Eyes that looked so much like his.
"Yes, thank you, I'm much better. I just shouldn't have skipped supper." I replied politely, feeling bad for wanting to get away from her attentions.
"Maybe you should eat something and rest. Finn's a doctor, he could examine you. Come, let me take you to the kitchen-"
"I think I'll just go home, but thank you so much for your attention, Vanessa." I interrupted her, feeling I was being blunt, but just wanting to desperately get away.
I took both her hands in mine and squeezed them, giving her a pleading, apologetical look, hoping she wouldn't think me too rude.
Home was the last place I wanted to go back to, tough. I didn't want to go there and be on my own sleeping on the bed I had shared with Lucian for eight fucking years. I'd have too much time to think about Finn, about Lucian, and about how a single decision I had made so long ago might have been the reason why things were going so wrong in my life now.
I remembered Mr. Mulinski made a point of having a garden, and since I wasn't much of a gardener, I had referred him to a good one I knew. But after the remodelling of the house had been finished I just hadn't had the time to see the final result. So I made my way to the back of the house, until I found the French doors that led to the garden. I opened it and stepped out into the garden and locked the doors from the outside just in case someone would get the same idea I did.
Suddenly aware of a pain on my feet I took my heels off. "Bloody torturing things." I muttered to myself and threw them in a dark corner.
The grass was wet and cold under my feet and I welcomed the refreshing feeling. I inhaled deeply the cool air of the night. It was very cold and I berated myself for not thinking of bringing my coat outside with me, but no way I'd go back for it for fear of meeting Mr. Mulinski or Vanessa or Finn. Specially Finn.
