"What are you smiling like a doofus for?" my friend Jasmine asked.
I looked up from my phone. "Huh? Nothing, no reason," I said, putting my phone face down on my bed.
"OK, so this Odysseus guy is a real dick, right? Can we all agree on that?" my friend Courtney asked as she scribbled notes into her binder.
"What are you talking about? He's the hero of the story," Jasmine said.
"Hero? How is he the hero? He pretends to sleep while his army gets murdered by a raging cyclops. Like, wake everyone up and fight back, don't just sit there and let them die."
My phone buzzed. I picked it up and read the text message.
Jasmine let out an exasperated sigh. "He was playing possum because the cyclops locked his army in the cave with a giant boulder and Odysseus knew that only the cyclops could move it again. If he woke his army to kill the cyclops then... there goes Hailey smiling at her phone like an idiot again. Did you get a boyfriend on not tell us?"
I put my phone down. "What? No, sorry, I'm listening."
"What were we just talking about?" Jasmine asked.
"Odysseus being a dick," I said.
"See? Hailey agrees with me," Courtney said.
"Nooo, she hasn't been listening and probably didn't bother to read the homework either. What's gotten into you?"
My hunky black neighbor. Twice now
. "Nothing," I said.
"I can tell when you're lying and you're definitely lying. Plus, you never smile at your phone, you only brood at it," Courtney said.
I rolled my eyes. "Ugh, fiiine, I was texting Mr. Chapman," I admitted.
"Mr. Chapman?" Jasmine asked, furrowing her eyebrow. Her eyes widened. "You got hunky black guy's number?!" she shouted.
"Shhh! Not so loud!" I hissed. "Yes, we exchanged numbers last week."
"What the hell Hailey, why have we not been part of this?" Courtney asked, standing up from my desk in the corner and jumping on to the bed to look over my shoulder. I turned the screen off on my phone. "Oh come on, show us," she whined.
"It's not even anything exciting," I said.
"Then show us!" Courtney insisted.
"I asked what his favorite ice cream was and he said vanilla with strawberries."
"Is that supposed to be a euphemism for your pale ass and red hair?" Courtney asked.
"What? No! I don't think so."
"What did you say your favorite ice cream was?" Jasmine asked.
"Chocolate and hot fudge."
"You two are gross. Do you do butt stuff?" Jasmine asked.
"WHAT?! No, I like chocolate ice cream! That's literally all I ever order!"
"Yeeeah, riiight," Courtney said.
"Oh my god, this is why I didn't involve you two. I've been having perfectly normal text conversations with this man all week and the second you find out it becomes about butt stuff."
"I actually like anal too, I'm not judging," Courtney said.
"NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT ANAL!" I laughed.
My phone buzzed again.
Courtney snatched my phone and tried to read the text. "Ugh, who uses face locking?" she groaned, trying to hold the camera up to my face.
I put one hand over my face and held out the other for her to give my phone back. She plopped it in my hand and I unlocked it to read the text. I frowned.
"What is it?" Jasmine asked.
"He wants to know if I wanna get ice cream. Like, now."
"So go!" Courtney said. Jasmine nodded.
"No, I can't leave you guys. We have to finish this assignment anyways."
"Ask if we can go with," Courtney suggested.
"I don't know if that's a good idea," I said.
"Why not? I'd love to meet him," Jasmine said.
"Me too!" Courtney added.
"I don't know if he wants to meet either of you," I laughed.
"Bitch!" Courtney laughed.
"Just ask him," Jasmine said. I looked into both of their eyes.
"Promise to behave?" I asked. They both nodded emphatically. I sighed and sent him the text. A moment later he responded.
"Well? What did he say?" Courtney asked.
"He says come on over."
Courtney and Jasmine got excited and immediately my anxiety levels shot through the roof. I still didn't know Mr. Chapman very well. I didn't even know his first name, but now I was bringing my friends to his place for ice cream. All of our interactions have been sexual in nature, apart from the texting we've been doing over the past week.
I had learned a lot about him in that time. I learned he liked dogs and cats equally, though I was firmly a dog person. I learned he hated most cop shows on TV because they were never accurate. I asked if he liked Brooklyn 99 and he said he'd never tried it, so my plan was to introduce him to it soon. I learned his mother was a successful lawyer and his father was a plastic surgeon.
Tragically, they both died in a car accident when he was twenty. They left him a sizable sum of money that he invested in ways that allowed him to afford his lifestyle even on a cop's salary. I learned that he ran track in High School but wanted to play football except he wasn't coordinated enough. I knew a lot of mundane details about him now. The only reason I didn't know his name was because I was too afraid to ask.
The three of us touched up our makeup, grabbed our jackets and went downstairs. Mr. Chapman's house was next door, but we had to help sell our cover story. My mom and dad were watching TV in the living room as we put our shoes on.