This Isn't a Romance Novel

LaToya drove straight to the police station with the recording of Patty Donaldson confessing she saw Earl committing incest with his mother in the backseat of a car a decade ago. They needed to interview Patty soon themselves, so they wouldn't dismiss this as some insane plot lifted from erotica.

She went in and walked to the front desk. "I need to talk to the detective in charge of the Earl Riley case. I have to tell him about some nasty shit. Now."

**********

Patty Donaldson sat conversing in the kitchen with a person that knocked on her door after LaToya left. "You are so much easier to talk with than that La La or whatever her name was. She had no interest in talking about Y&R or looking at pictures of my grandson. And you have a simple name. No ghetto nonsense. That girl's mother really dropped the ball with that. Would you like some sponge cake?" The person nodded. "Coming right up! You can take your gloves off, it is hot outside!"

As Patty cut a piece of cake and hummed a Elvis song, she didn't notice the person coming up behind her with a syringe and plunged it into Patty's neck. Patty swung around and stared at the killer in horror. "Hey! What in tarnation! I'm not into that druggie stuff! I didn't take you for the kind either!"

"I'm sorry, but you can't tell that story to the police. If it makes you feel any better, your sponge cake looks lovely," the killer said politely.

Patty dropped to the floor and started convulsing. Within minutes, she was dead. The killer packed up the sponge cake to take away in tupperware. Then the killer took the knife Patty was using to cut the cake and stabbed Patty's ass. The killer noticed a laptop with Spotify open in the living room. The killer couldn't resist putting "Patricia" by Florence + The Machine on a loop.

**************

Henry got off the phone with Dillon and knocked on the guest bedroom door. He felt a little awkward after that long arousing hug where he poked her with his boner and she liked it. Nor was he going to linger on jerking off to an Asian man titty fucking a black woman right afterwards. Nope. No correlation there.

Nia opened the door in just his Harvard shirt. The yesterday's clothes were on a pile on the bed. "What? I felt gross, so it was better to just Winnie the Pooh it around here for today at least."

Henry lingered on the way her tits looked in his shirt and her smooth legs. He shook it off. He had to deliver important news. "Stacy was found dead by a hiker. It was an arrow to the ass and then stabbed. I'm sorry."

"Jesus. She was my friend. Sure, she was a bit flakey and I did most of the emotional labor of the friendship, but I didn't want her to die. Not even after what she did with Earl. Which didn't really make sense in the first place. Stacy looked tall guys. Earl was too short for her," Nia mused.

"Tell me about it. That sounds a bit like what happened with me and Lila. I heard from another friend that she was cheating, so I hired your sister to find out. She got pics of them banging in the gym locker room. I'm in good shape, but this guy was like action hero ripped. She cried and said he came onto her and she couldn't resist. Like that is an excuse for cheating. It isn't like I didn't get hit on, but I always firmly declined," Henry seethed.

"How long ago was the divorce?" Nia asked sympathetically.

"It has been five months. The marriage only lasted a year. I've been dating, but I'm a relationship guy, so I don't enjoy it that much," Henry confessed.

Nia made a "Pffft" sound. "I saw your hair when you came into the interrogation room. You looked like you just came from plowing someone into the mattress, got the call from my sister and left in a hurry."

Henry looked sheepish. "Date. She was boring, but attractive and I was horny. It was only heavy petting."

"I'm not judging you. I'm the girl who hit on her boss after ditching her wedding," Nia pointed out. "And my life is a mess. No job, no man, not even a dog and I'm suspected of murder. I practically begged you to rub your boner on me." Nia looked mortified at that.

"And I loved every second of it. You don't have nothing. You have friends and family that adore you. You have your health. You have a great personality. You're a writer," Henry looking at her lips. "And you're stunning."

"You forgot my great rack," Nia joked. "And I'm not a writer. I haven't written anything yet!"

"I think the first step to being a writer is deciding you are a writer. Hold on a second." Henry walked off back to his bedroom and came back and handed her Stephen King's On Writing. "I got this as a gift a few years back. I think it was a regift. My writing involves a lot of legal jargon, so I don't really have any use for it. You can have it. Even if you never make any money from it, Nia, I believe you are a writer."

That was it. Nia wanted to suck his dick, eat his ass and have his babies right there and then. Unfortunately for Nia, the doorbell rang. Henry went downstairs to answer it and Nia stood there and mentally cursed out the cockblocking bitch on the other side of that door.

Henry opened the door and it was Matt, in his casual dress of a plaid shirt and jeans. "Hey, Henry. Can I speak to Nia? Dillon told me she was here."

"He told you? He wasn't supposed to be giving that information out! Nia, Matt is here," Henry yelled up. "You can come down or I can slam the door in his face."

Nia came down the stairs nervously. "Hey, Matt. What do you want?" She self-consciously pulled the shirt she was wearing down more.

"I came to apologize for my behavior at Deflated Balls. I shouldn't have been so dismissive of you and I should have taken you up on your offer. I'm sorry." Matt revealed he was holding roses behind his back and handed them to her.

Nia hated getting flowers. It was a pain getting a vase of water and they died, so as a token of affection they were pretty shitty. She couldn't say all that without sounding like a giant bitch, so she just thanked him.

"Wil you have dinner with me?" Matt asked. "I know you can't leave here, so I'll get takeout and bring it here."

Nia hesitated. Matt was hot and nice, but he was boring. She imagined the dinner in her head and it was snooze worthy. Matt would talk about divorce statistics and how good the practice was doing and the latest thing he bought that was expensive. Yesterday's sudden impulse to have sex with him was probably brought on by the stress of that day and needing a release. She wasn't really into him in that way. Five minutes of the boner poking hug with Henry sounded more exciting than an evening with Matt. She had to politely decline.

Henry mistook her hesitation for trying to not hurt his feelings and jumped in. "She'd love to have dinner with you. She just didn't want me to feel left out, but I'm going out tonight, so no need to worry about me." With that, Henry went back upstairs.

"Great! See you at 7, Nia!" And the doofus left, closing the door without verbally confirming with her.

Nia was pissed. She tossed the roses on the couch. If Henry thinks he can pawn her off on Matt, he had another thing coming. She took off his Harvard shirt and flung at the couch. She then stepped out of her panties and they joined the shirt and roses. Then she marched up the stairs on a mission.

****************

"What do you mean Patty is dead?" LaToya asked looking at Detective Andy Palmer like he was insane. The man was portly and bald and you could see bread crumbs in his mustache.

"It means that she was found dead by her husband thirty minutes ago and you were the last person to see her alive," Andy stated smugly. "Why did you kill the lady? Drugs? Gang thing? She sleep with your baby daddy? Steal your weave?"

LaToya took a deep breath and reminded herself she couldn't punch this casually racist old man in a interrogation room or at all. "I was the one who came here to give you guys the recording of Patty's recounting of seeing Earl banging his mother in the backseat of a car that resulted in his sister being in a wheelchair. I needed Patty alive to tell that story. It makes no sense for me to kill her."

Andy made a "blah blah blah" talking hand gesture. "You could have coerced Patty to make that recording to clear your sister, then offed her to make sure she didn't get rattled at trial and tell the truth. I don't believe this incest nonsense. Who would bang in a backseat with your husband and daughter in the front? Wouldn't they smell the pussy and jizz? Hear the banging? It makes no sense."

"It is crazy, but it is the story Patty told and apparently someone wanted to silence her. And if I coerced that recording, why I include a five minute tangent about missing the old Billy on The Young and the Restless. You think I wanted to hear that?" Andy just snorted. She really wanted to rip his mustache off his face and shove it down his throat. "Okay, I want a lawyer. I'm done talking to you."

**************

"I don't know why that LaToya would say my Mom banged my brother. She's sick in the head. Earl didn't even like white women. He wanted that Nubian goddess pussy! Sure, he let that redhead have lick or ten at his shitter, but boys will be boys," Edwina said with tears in her eyes for this Daytime Emmy worthy performance. "Taking advantage of my tragedy is low. Dark skinned girls resent us light skinned girls. It isn't my fault I'm light. They see Hollywood casting another light skinned Storm and it just drives them insane, so all light skinned girls must pay. You believe me, don't you, Andy?"

Andy had tears in his eyes and was eating this shit up. "I do. She's just jealous of you and being a hater. You've suffered so much. Being in that chair and having to deal with discrimination just because you aren't as black as darkness. It isn't fair!"

Edwina rolled out of the room a few minutes later and joined her mother. "You owe me a PS4, a few games and some edibles."

Carol gasped. "I don't want drugs in my house!"

Edwina just stared blankly. "Do you want the cops to know you were banging Earl right before he was murdered? I think they would have some questions about what happened."

Carol pursed her lips. "Fine. You can have a weed lollipop or whatever it's called. The wrong child died."

Edwina just smiled. "You say the sweetest things, mother. Now let's go to Chili's, you dried up old cunt. I want fajitas."

***************

Nia didn't knock on Henry's bedroom door. She just went in. She heard water running from his bathroom, so he was naked and taking a shower. Sounded good to her! She opened the bathroom door a nudge and peered in. She saw Henry through the glass shower doors. Water was cascading down his abs as he washed himself. His cock wasn't fully flaccid. She already knew from it poking her earlier that it had girth and length, but she didn't expect it to be uncircumcised. She'd never one like that in person, so she was fascinated by the extra bit of skin.

Henry finally noticed her peaking through the cracked door. At first he looked startled and then he just gave her a grin and reached down and started stroking himself while maintaining eye contact with her. "Naughty girl! You wanted to see this? If you're going to be a creeper, you might as well see it fully hard."

Nia eagerly fully opened the door to see the show. Henry stroked himself to full hardness and she guessed by just eyeballing it that he was at least eight inches and fat. "Touch yourself," Henry ordered his voice getting husky. "Show me that cunt."

Normally Nia would object to a man saying the C word, but it just sounded better in a British accent and this was the hottest thing that had ever happened to her, so she was rolling with it. Never taking her eyes off him, she reached down and started rubbing herself. She eagerly stimulated her clit as Henry turned off the water and strutted out of the shower with a determined look on his face. He swept her into his arms in the way a groom carries a bridge and walked the few feet to the bed and deposited her on the bed.

"Henry, you got me all wet," Nia teased looking at the water dripping down her ebony skin.

"In more ways than one." Henry mounted her and devoured her mouth. As their tongues dueled, his cock nudged said wetness. "You are fucking exquisite." He then moved to cup her large ebony breasts and admired her dark nipples. "What fantastic tits. Let's have a taste!" Henry looked like it was his birthday, Christmas and England winning a World Cup all in one as he took turns licking and sucking on Nia's nipples. "Five stars! High five!" Nia giggled as she met him in a high five.

Henry kissed down her stomach and blew a "raspberry" with her bellybutton eliciting a cackle from Nia. "Couldn't resist, darling. Now lets have a taste of that weeping cunt." And that he did with diving face first into with a hungry tongue.

Nia moaned in ecstasy as Henry tongue fucked her. All her other experiences with getting eaten out were nothing like this. Those were just tepid licks and a "You ready?" after about 40 seconds. Henry was attacking her pussy like he couldn't get enough. Nia forgot about all her worries and problems. All that existed in that moment was her and that long tongue. She felt cherished.

"You are delicious, Nia," Henry declared coming up for air with his face wet with her juices. "Do you want me suck on your pretty little clit? It looks like it could use some attention." He then proceeded to kiss around it, but actively avoided touching it to tease her.

"Yessss. Suck on it," Nia requested breathily.

"But do you deserve it? I mean, you did peep on me. I don't want to reward bad behavior. I have to be moral with my pussy eating," Henry teased as he licked his lips to taste her juices.

"Suck on my clit, you British bastard," Nia ordered. She really needed to cum.

"British and American bastard, but I'll accept British bastard. That should be your term of endearment for me. I quite like it." Henry then latched onto her clit and started sucking on it.

Nia reached down and gripped Henry's hair as she chanted "Yes, yes, yesss" as she came on his face. Henry continued to suck on her clit until she tugged on his hair to indict he should stop.

Henry grinned proudly then moved to kiss Nia giving her a taste of herself. She was surprised she found this so arousing. She'd never thought she'd be that girl, but here she was sucking on her lawyer's pussy juice flavored tongue and lips and she thought it was hot.

"Do you want to fuck?" Henry asked pulling away from the kiss. "I will completely understand if you want to stop or just fool around. My cock might be peeved initially, but he's grown rather fond of you and will accept it."

"Fuck me, Henry," Nia said smiling and wrapped her legs around him, her heels resting on his ass as he lined himself up and the head popped in causing them both to groan.

"So tight," Henry gasped as he eased the first few inches in. Once he ascertained she was ready, he started fucking her with long strokes. "So wet. I don't even need to ask you if you like this cock because your pussy is letting me know."

Nia just hung on for the ride as Henry beat her pussy up in the best way possible. Her titties were bouncing with every thrust into her just like his ass was bouncing. He seated himself fully inside her and worked his hips to ground himself into her. The combination of being stuffed with a big dick and his pelvic bone rubbing her clit set her off into another orgasm.

Henry smirked as he felt her pussy gripping him and juices dripping down his balls. "Good girl. My turn now." And with that, Henry started jackhammering Nia. "Where do you want this load, darling? Do you want me to feed this hungry cunt? Your belly? Your tits? Those gorgeous lips?"

It was hard to think with her legs still shaking in orgasm and Henry deep dicking her into the mattress, but he seemed to be a breast man and it would be nice to see his load. "Cum on my tits!"

"Good choice, love." Henry pulled himself out and moved to unload on her. It only took a few strokes before he was painting himself all over them. Streams of white spunk rained on her luscious boobs covering them in white. When Henry was done, he admired his handiwork appreciatively. He took one finger and wiped up some cum and offered it to Nia. "Want to taste?"

Nia didn't hesitate and sucked on the proffered finger. Henry's cum tasted a little sweet and like he had a good diet. She then started sucking on Henry's finger like it was a dick causing him to laugh. "Let's take a shower together and then we'll talk about you arranging a date for me without consulting me."

*************

Dillon had had about enough of his mother-in-law. She was non-stop complaining about the embarrassment of two daughters being suspected of murder. Dealing with Donna was never easy. She was always very vocal about her opinions. Even being in a car with her could be a pain since she was picky about choosing music on the radio.

"Why can't that Oriental represent LaToya?" Donna asked pacing the waiting area of the police station. "I don't trust that woman you hired. Her knees look ashy and that skirt was too tight. She looks like a background dancer for that fast ass Rihanna, not a lawyer."

Dillon sighed. LaToya was going to owe him so many blowjobs for putting up with this. "Donna, you can't say Oriental. It is racist. And Henry can't represent LaToya because that's a conflict of interest since he's already Nia's attorney. Stephanie is well-respected and good at her job. I wouldn't hire some just got out of law school dummy who couldn't find his own ass with both hands to represent the love of my life."

Donna shook her head. "Your generation is running around showing your bootyholes on the internet for the price of a combo meal at McDonald's per person and you want to lecture me about racism? Humph. I'm going to the vending machine and if it eats my dollar, there will be hell to pay." Donna stalked off to get her Snickers.

Dillon had no idea what buttholes on the internet had to do with him telling her not to be racist, but he was glad to see her go. He texted Henry again and got no response. He sent Nia a text asking her to call him. His phone rang and it was friend from the coroner's office Landon.

"Hey, Landon. Got any info for me?" Dillon asked answering the call.

"No 'How are you, Landon?' Fuck you. My feelings are hurt," Landon joked busting his balls. "You didn't here it from me, but the victim was hit from behind with a blunt object. When he was on the ground, the perpetrator stabbed him 29 times. And as everyone probably guessed from his naked state, he did have sex before he was murdered. And he did have cocaine in his system. That's all I can give you and you owe me lunch. A nice one where the prices aren't even the menu."

"Thanks, bro. And will do. Talk to you later." Dillon hung up. He digested this information. He didn't know Earl was a cokehead and he doubted Nia knew that because she'd never be with a hardcore drug user. This whole thing was so bizarre.

**********

Edwina tapped away at her laptop writing her Supernatural fanfic. This was the only refuge from the horror of her life. Edwina knew it was sad that writing about an angel and monster hunter having gay sex was the only thing that brought her joy, but it was something.

Carol opened the bedroom door without knocking with her husband standing beside her. "Edwina, we'd like to talk to you."

"Not now, bitch, Dean's about to bottom," Edwina yelled not even looking at her parents.

"Don't sass your mother like that," Andre ordered. As if he were the man of the house. All three of them knew Earl had filled that position for a decade.

"What's she going to do? I could tell the police about her and Earl and she'd spend years in prison getting her pussy turned into a sock puppet," Edwina shot back.