This Isnt A Romance Novel Ch 02

LaToya dialed 911 and reported Earl's dead body. She wanted to freak out about the dead body, but her sisterly protective instincts were overriding that. She hung up and then started scrolling through her contacts for defense attorneys she knew. As a private investigator, she had a lot of contact with lawyers.

Nia just stood staring at Earl's body with the knife sticking out of his ass. She didn't like him. In fact, this day had made her hate him, but she didn't want him to die. No one deserved this. She snapped out of it when she saw LaToya about to make a call.

"Toya, won't hiring a lawyer make me look guilty? I didn't kill him! I'm willing to talk to the police," Nia said sounding ready to cry.

LaToya sighed and gave Nia her best "I'm your big sister!" look. "You had a confrontation with the victim that you almost married and now he's dead on the floor with a knife sticking of his ass. You like to cook, so I assume your fingerprints are on that big kitchen knife. And you're black. The police will take one look at you and throw you under the jail. You need a lawyer. I'm calling Henry Chen. He's really good and he owes me a favor after I helped him with his divorce."

All of those facts shut Nia up. She could really get railroaded for this. While orange would really pop with her dark skin tone, she didn't like the vision of a future of her wearing it in a tiny cell for a crime she didn't commit. Tears started to roll down her cheeks.

"Hey, Henry. My sister needs representation. Now. I don't care that you are on a date. Tell the hoe you'll suck on her clit later. My sister's ex-fiancé is on the kitchen floor dead with a knife in his ass. Yes, you heard that right. And 'Booty Slayer' is written in blood above the oven. Yes, holy shit is right, Henry. Get to the police station fast because we'll be there soon," LaToya said hanging up and then calling Dillon to tell him what happened.

"Shouldn't you get a lawyer too?" Nia asked. "You hated Earl and the police are definitely going to question you."

"I have an alibi. Dillon and I were working on making a baby up until about 20 minutes ago and I'm pretty sure at least one neighbor heard us fucking. Good thing I'm wearing panties because he's still leaking out of me," LaToya said just as a loud knock sounded on the door. "Cops are here. Don't say shit without Henry present."

********

Nia sat alone in the interrogation room. If she hadn't invoked her right to counsel she'd be getting hammered with questions right now. The door opened and 33 year old Henry Chen entered in a Bespoke suit and ruffled just got fucked hair. He was 6'1" and Nia noted he was very handsome. She wonder to herself if the lawyers in this area were hot.

"You must be Nia. I've heard a lot about you from LaToya and Dillon. I'm Henry Chen and I'll be representing you. Now walk me through everything that happened. Don't leave anything out," Henry requested in his posh British accent as he sat across from her.

"You're British?" Nia asked stupidly. It was going to be hard concentrating with having a lawyer she wanted to throw her panties at, but a British accent was going to make it even worse. Though this was making her feel less panicked about finding her dead ex and being the prime suspect in his murder, so maybe having a fuckable lawyer would be good for her.

Henry looked amused. "Yes. I have dual citizenship. My mother is American Chinese and my father is British Chinese."

Nia shook her fantasies of wanting to dive face first into his crotch off and did her best to relay the events. As she recounted it, she realized it looked even worse for her than she previously realized.

"You struck the victim after you caught him with your bridesmaid performing, ahem, analingus?" Henry asked forlornly.

"Not for the ass eating. Excuse my language. He insulted my sister. Called her a bed wench. If you don't know, that's basically calling her a white man's whore. It goes back to slavery. Mr. Chen, I'm not a violent person, but I wasn't going to put up with that man talking about my sister like that," Nia explained.

"You can call me Henry. And I understand, but that won't look good to the police. Were there any witnesses?"

"No, but I won't put it past Earl to tell his family and friends that I slapped him to make himself look like the victim," Nia said sourly. "After that, my Mom and Earl's mother Carol came in and tried to get me to go through with the wedding. Carol seems to have this obsession with having a darker skinned grandkid since Earl and his sister Edwina are so light. I refused and had some choice words about monsters living in Edwina's um, vagina. LaToya helped me out of the wedding dress and then I left."

"Then what happened?" Henry feared this could to trial if she didn't have a solid alibi. Police could be myopic and this story could give a jury reason to believe she went nuts and killed him.

"I drove around for a bit. Then I came across a sports bar called Deflated Balls where I saw my boss Matt. Since you know Dillon and Toya, you probably know him. He works as a divorce attorney and I'm his assistant. Well, I was his assistant," Nia revealed cringing.

"Why the past tense?" Henry inquired knowing he wasn't going to like this answer. He didn't bring up that Matt was his divorce attorney.

"During the meal, I got up and called LaToya and asked about whether I should fuck Matt. She was against it, but said I should compliment him to feel him out or just ask directly. I did the latter and revealed I wanted to fuck him and quit my job so I could profuse my romance novelist dream. He rejected me and was dismissive of my dream, so I caused a little bit of a scene proclaimed he would never get this um, vagina and declared I would steal office supplies when packing up my stuff on Monday. I left him to pay the bill," Nia said mortified.

Henry suppressed the urge to laugh. "Okay, if you get arrested, I can spin at trial that you were no longer interested in Earl and were already pursing other men. Of course, the prosecutor could just counter that getting spurned by your former boss was too much for you and you snapped when you saw Earl at your home."

Nia shuddered at the thought of a trial. "After that, I drove around for a while until I was about a block from Earl's townhouse. I had moved in a month ago, but I didn't consider it my home yet. That should have been a red flag. Anyway, I sat parked there for 40 minutes to think until I called my sister to help me get my stuff. She showed up 20 minutes later and I got in her truck."

"Why did you sit there for so long?"

"A few reasons. I wasn't anxious to see Earl again and I preferred having my sister there in case he was home. I was also embarrassed by my behavior at Deflated Balls. I'm not one to make scenes at restaurants. If my Mom had been there, I would have gotten yelled at for embarrassing her in front of white people. The last reason was my romance novelist dream. I don't regret quitting my job. Matt's great, but I wasn't happy. But I've never written a novel. What if I suck? Oh, God. How can I afford to pay you? That suit looks expensive, so I assume you aren't a strip mall lawyer."

Henry's lips quirked at that. "I'm doing this pro bono. LaToya and Dillon are friends. If it wasn't for LaToya, I would be paying out the bum in alimony to a slag who couldn't keep her knickers on. It will be my pleasure to keep you out of prison."

"She cheated?! Is she a moron? Look at you!" Nia regretted letting those words fall out of her mouth instantly. "I apologize. It isn't professional to comment on the attractiveness of your lawyer. I'm such a mess today."

Henry reached across the table and took her hand and squeezed. "Don't be so hard on yourself. You've had an epically terrible day. And never apologize for complimenting my looks," Henry said with a wink and removed his hand. "Now, other than calling your sister while waiting in your car, did you do anything else? Post on social media? Look at PornHub? Literotica?"

"No. And PornHub? Literotica?" Nia asked confused.

"I've had former client or three have an alibi provided by smut. It is fortunate for them they wanted to submit erotica they wrote at that time of a murder," Henry explained at Nia's dumbfounded look. "An alibi is an alibi, even if it means admitting to something potentially embarrassing. Did anyone see you sitting in the parked car?"

"I wasn't paying much attention. A middle aged white woman walked by with her dog in a stroller like it was a baby and looked at me like she was considering calling the cops and then remembered Black Twitter's existence and kept on walking. I don't remember anyone else," Nia said starting to fidget. "I think she walked by at like twenty after six."

Henry stroked his chin. "So if the deceased were killed in the hour you were parked, the only witness to corroborate you were just sitting there is a possibly racist woman who treats her dog like a baby. If the murder happened in that time frame, a prosecutor would just argue that you killed the victim, walked back to your car and played innocent while waiting for your sister to arrive. The good news is I don't think they have enough to charge you yet, but they will be going at you hard."

Henry's phone made a noise indicted he got a text and he pulled it out of his pocket to read it. "Bloody hell."

Nia hesitated to ask because she didn't know if she could handle anymore bad news. "What is it? My fingerprints on the knife? A woman matching my description fleeing the scene? A meteor is coming to hit this building?"

"Someone uploaded the video of Earl cheating and you confronting him on Fap Fap Fap, a low tier tube site. This is very bad. A dead body with a knife in the bum and a video of him being confronted and dumped by his bride guarantees national coverage. The jury pool is fucked and you are going to be hounded by the media and true crime nuts on Reddit," Henry warned and looked at his phone again. "And now Mitch Tusk is tweeting about it, so we can expect to be trending very quickly."

Nia didn't have time to process the information that someone had placed a camera in the backroom of a church, saw that footage and uploaded it for the internet to enjoy. "Who the fuck is Mitch Tusk?"

"He's the host of the podcast That Bitch Got Murdered. It is very popular. The last season about the man who convinced his wife that their daughter was possessed by Satan so they set her on fire was adapted into a FX miniseries starring John Travolta and Michelle Pfeiffer. You didn't hear about that?"

"Henry, I'm not really into death and murder. I prefer happier things. Fuck. If this gets made into a miniseries, who will play me?" Nia wondered aloud. "They won't cast someone dark skinned like me, so they'll go light, so probably Candice Patton. She's pretty, so I'll allow it." Nia let out a laugh. "I'm in a police station and the prime suspect in a murder and I'm talking about who would play me in a miniseries. My life is a fever dream right now."

"Push that out of your mind for now. We need to go over what happened when you entered the townhouse and then we'll talk with the detectives. If I tell you to not answer a question, you don't answer it. Keep your answers short and to the point. Don't speculate. Nia, I'm going to get you through this."

Nia looked at him with teary eyes. "Why haven't you asked if I killed him?"

"Because most defense attorneys don't ask that and because anyone with any damn sense would look at you and see you aren't capable of that kind of violence. If this goes to trial, I'm going to do my best to make sure that jury sees the woman who wants to devote her life to creating love stories couldn't stab a man to death," Henry said sincerely while reaching across to wipe away a tear that was falling down Nia's cheek.

*********************

LaToya ran into Dillon's arms outside the police station. She was done with the detectives and they cleared her and Dillon of being suspects. Next door neighbor Mrs. McClain confirmed they were having loud sex and had even forgot to close the blinds. Oops. LaToya hoped the old woman enjoyed watching the three creampies.

"Are you okay?" Dillon asked rubbing her back comfortingly.

"Earl lying facedown, ass up with a knife in his booty will be seared in my brain forever, but I'm more worried about Nia. Henry is really good at his job, but this is going to be a real shit show even if she doesn't get charged," LaToya said pulling away from Dillion's embrace.

"Someone posted video of Nia confronting and slapping Earl online, so yeah, Nia is going to be the prime suspect," Dillon said sadly.

"There's video?! I bet that Edwina did it. You can't trust a bitch who voluntarily wears a Halle Berry thriller movie wig. And she was the one who told us that Earl wanted to talk to her and led her straight to church salad tossing," LaToya fumed while pulling out her phone to look at Twitter. "And Booty Slayer is trending, so the details about the knife's specific location and bloody message were definitely leaked." LaToya scrolled through and saw a gif made of Nia slapping Earl and Nia photoshopped onto a "Right in front of my salad!" meme. She saw some hoteps commenting that this why they didn't want to marry black women. LaToya loved her community, but seeing them use her sister's pain for fodder for entertainment hurt.

"If the police won't do it, I'm going to find the real killer. Nia isn't going to prison because someone murked Bargain Brand Carlton," LaToya promised angrily.

"Babe, this person stabbed Earl to death. This is dangerous. I understand you want to help Nia, but I don't want you to get hurt or worse," Dillon said touching her cheek. "I could have gotten you pregnant today."

"We won't know for sure for a while. Dillon, I have to do this. The deck is stacked against my sister and I have to protect her. I promise to take the gun out of the safe when I'm interviewing in the field and I'll text you with updates on the hour if I leave my office," LaToya stated in a tone that suggested compromise, but also indicted she was going to do whatever it took to save Nia.

Dillon looked like he wanted to argue, but he knew his wife. She wasn't going to give this up. This was the same look she had when her mother wanted them to have a church wedding and the look she had when she wanted the master bedroom to be painted yellow and he wanted blue. She was relentless and he loved her for it. "Okay, but the GPS is on in your truck at all times and we're putting a GPS app in your phone as well so I can track it. You can't be too careful. Sound fair?"

LaToya grinned and hugged him. "Look at us being all mature and married and shit. Remind me to suck your dick tomorrow."

"I'll be sure to leave a leave a post it note on the fridge." Dillon cupped her ass and breathed in her Balenciaga perfume.

******************

After about two hours of police questioning that Henry deftly handled, Nia was released and thankfully not charged. Though she was warned not to leave the jurisdiction and that they might have more questions. She couldn't even retrieve her clothes and personal items since the townhouse was a crime scene. She cringed as she imagined cops going through her panty drawer and finding her vibrator.

Dillon and LaToya were waiting for them in the waiting area at the police station. LaToya pulled Nia into a hug. "Are you okay? Forget I asked that. Dumbass question. We're going to take you to our place and you can shower and I'll make you some soup right out of the can. Dillion won't even call it sodium water this time, will you, Dillon?"

"Sodium water? Who said that? Not me," Dillon cracked back while holding his hands up innocently.

"I don't think Nia should stay at your place. The local media is already out front. The national media will be in town within hours. They'll have already found out where your house is and will swarm it. Likewise your mother," Henry warned.

"And if we get Nia a hotel room, reporters will just find out and could bribe a maid to let them into her room. Fucking vultures," Dillon seethed.

"Do you have any friends that could host you?" Henry inquired.

Nia pondered that for a few seconds. "It would be too much to ask any of my friends. If they found out I was there, I'd be way too disruptive. And I can't ask Matt because the media would find out he's my boss, well, former boss. And also for reasons I'm not going to mention. I would say fuck my life, but my life has been beaten with a crowbar and tossed in a ditch, so fucking it would be an upgrade."

LaToya jumped in. "Why not stay with Henry? He has plenty of room at his house. And a hot tub! No one would think to look for you there. And the same security system we have at our place. And you don't have to worry about Mom using the spare key she secretly made and walking in you getting deep dicked as alarms go off. Thank God we changed the locks after that..."

"I'm her lawyer, LaToya. It would be inappropriate and would invite speculation if found out. Nia doesn't need to be slut shamed on top of being suspected of murder. I can take the hit, but we all know women get the brunt of that kind of scandal," Henry pointed out.

"You're just making excuses. In this state, a lawyer can have a sexual relationship with a client and not get disbarred. And even if you two just sat around and watched as some moron tries to make risotto in 30 minutes on Chopped, there's no rule about a lawyer and client cohabitating," LaToya said in her "Checkmate!" tone. "What do you think, Nia?"

Nia thought about that and she didn't mind anyone thinking she was fucking Henry. She had bigger problems then that. And the thrill of people thinking she could land a man that man was a plus. If she got slut shamed by the internet and media for it, so be it. She was done caring about the opinions of people who truly did not matter.

"I'm in, if Henry is okay with it," Nia stated trying to not sound excited.

"Fine. I'll go along with this. Now, how do we get Nia to my place undetected? There's media out front and they will probably be out back as well," Henry lamented.

"Easy. We all look alike to them." LaToya spotted a black woman who vaguely matched Nia's description in a hoodie who clearly just got done bailing someone out. LaToya walked up to her. "How would you like to make $100 and I'll even throw in some Taco Bell?"

A few minutes later, Dillon and LaToya walked out with the woman with her hoodie up and sunglasses on as the local media pounced on them. "No comment! My sister has had a terrible day and just wants to get something to eat! Her blood sugar is low! Y'all don't know about personal space? Get back!"

While the press were concentrated on Dillon, LaToya and the decoy getting into Dillon's car, Nia and Henry slipped out of the police station and got into his car and drove off into the night while the others lead the media to Taco Bell.

LaToya, Dillon and the rando calmly entered the Taco Bell and ordered food as the press shortly swarmed in after them. The night manager looked dismayed at all the cameras and shouting questions. He didn't get paid enough to deal with this.

A blonde female reporter looked closely at Dollar General Nia. "This isn't the ass stabber!"

LaToya managed to tap down her glee at this situation. "No one ever said that was Nia. That's my sister as in friend and we're just sharing a meal with my fine ass husband. You really thought that was Nia? So we all look alike to you? Wow. Just wow."

*************

After Nia showered, which was a pain in the ass without her shower cap, she put on the Harvard shirt Henry had left out for her that was big on her. She might have sniffed it a bit before putting it on. It was just so intimate to being wearing a man's shirt. She had never done that with Earl. She looked at her phone (the police didn't have a warrant to take it yet) and winced at all the missed calls from her mother. She'd let LaToya handle her. She noticed a text from Matt asking if she were okay, but decided to ignore it. Henry did advise her to not be talking to people during this time, which was a good excuse to avoid apologizing for throwing herself at him and storming out. And she was still pissed at him for being so dismissive of her novelist dream.