I wasn't sure what I was doing there if I was quite honest. I was naked under the sheets while Trevor hovered around the bed in expectation. We were in a large hotel room in the middle of a sunny day, light streaming through the plate glass windows. Maybe a half an hour away from our house. I don't remember fully how I managed to agree to this or what the exact rationale for it was.
Trevor and I had been going through a long extended bad patch. We hadn't had sex in over six months and in truth the rot had set in a long time before that. It had petered to a halt over a longer period. I couldn't remember the last time Trevor and I had mutually enjoyable sex such that I would want to repeat the experience in a timely manner. In the parlance we had a "Dead Bedroom" and perhaps Trevor, the frequent masturbator, considered himself the HLM, the "High Libido" partner which left me the LLF, the "Low Libido" partner.
I didn't want to walk away from the relationship which still offered so much for both of us but it was true I never really felt in the mood for sex with him and I was aware how much strain that was causing the relationship. I did want to work with him but every time he gave me the impression that he had some sort of "right" to sex with me that I was "unfairly" denying him it just made my pussy shrivel up. Something about that neediness and entitlement that was never far from the surface just turned me right off.
The irony was, even though this was a slightly unusual, definitely unnerving situation filled with trepidation, I wasn't actually turned off. Some part of me was aroused even for the first time in Trevor's presence for quite a while. Probably because I wasn't about to have sex with Trevor.
There was a knock on the door. He was here. My heart started pounding. How did it come to the stage that this was the solution, this was the Hail Mary pass we were going to use to try and rebuild our relationship, our physical connection. I guess going to therapy was one step on the way and probably the therapist seeing us separately as well allowed both of us to get certain things off our chest that neither of us felt comfortable saying directly to the other.
For my part, I couldn't find the words to explain to Trevor, whom I loved, that for the longest time, my fondest sexual memories had been with sexual partners for whom I felt no greater bond than the physical act. One of my exes was a genuine waste of space. We had nothing to say to each other, nothing in common and pretty much didn't like spending time together. But the sex was fantastic.
I've been lucky to have enjoyed a handful of absolutely amazing one night stands with men who were and remain strangers to me. Men whose names I literally have forgotten. Trevor was someone I really loved spending time with. We had common interests, we had so many great memories, we always got on with each other, so long as the subject wasn't our sex life.
The sex life really was the one massive deficit in our relationship and had potential to poison all the good stuff that we had together. The bald fact was that after our honeymoon period had passed, after the New Relationship Energy had faded, Trevor did not satisfy me sexually. It wasn't quite fair to say it in such stark terms as it takes two to tango and I played my part consciously and subconsciously but we did not enjoy mutually pleasurable sexual experiences together.
Whether it was premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, whether it was bad timing, not reading the room, or whether there was a sense some times that Trevor wasn't quite there with me but maybe replaying some scenario in his head, it just didn't work the way it should. For my part, my therapist made me realise that this was not just Trevor's issue, that in the event that Trevor and I couldn't make it work, it was likely I would be doomed to repeat this experience with a new partner because I probably preferred sex with someone I didn't love. This was hard to hear but it did ring a bell and it was somewhat of a wakeup call for me. I had always put our problems down to Trevor but it sunk in that there was something deeper going on.
For Trevor's part, I wasn't quite so far off the mark about him replaying scenarios. I knew he liked porn and masturbation. I wasn't so familiar with his extensive fantasies and the extent to which he would cope with the denial in our sex life by eroticising it. Just as Trevor was about to learn via the therapist, that I was more turned on by sex with strangers than with someone I loved, I was to learn that Trevor was drawn to fantasy scenarios where a dutiful wife would cheat on her husband, particularly if there was a racial aspect to it.
I guess the therapist made Trevor realise that underneath all this, with his voyeuristic take on this, was a desire to play the part of the husband in such a scenario. I can only imagine he had a similar reaction to me when the therapist made clear to me something I should have understood myself but had not fully acknowledged. And so, armed with these confessions and consent to reveal the outcome of these confessions Trevor and I had some headway in understanding our impasse and between our therapist, Trevor and I, somehow the suggestion was mooted that perhaps it might be fruitful for us to arrange an encounter that might satisfy both of our impulses and offer a way forward.
I don't remember whose idea it was in the first place. I was certainly involved in the discussion but if anyone brought anything up, it was surely at the prompting of our therapist. Nonetheless once the die was cast, it was Trevor who took on the responsibility of arranging this encounter. I was still not quite comfortable acknowledging all of this and Trevor and I had only the briefest discussions absent the therapist. It was easier for me not to go into detail.
Trevor answered the door to a rather handsome Black man. He had smiling eyes and seemed to have the sort of personality that drew people to him. he shook Trevor's hand and approached the bed to kiss my hand. He was courteous and diligent of Trevor's feelings, addressing him first without making me feel like I was some spare part.
"So, we are ready?"
"I guess."
"How would you like me to start?"
"Perhaps, you could join Lisa on the bed Marcus, and, Oh I don't know. Maybe pretend I'm not here is the best?"
"No problem at all, is that ok with you Lisa?"
"Sure Marcus."
Trevor sat down on an armchair that offered a decent view of the bed and I waited with bated breath as Marcus first lifted off his t-shirt to reveal an impressively sculpted set of abs, he slipped off his shoes, joggers and then his boxers and this absolutely massive cock sprung out. I actually smiled when I saw it, though I wasn't sure quite how I would manage to take it.
He slid into bed beside me and his body was cool from the air-con. I liked it though. He was strong, muscled and his body felt good alongside mine. He grazed his hand on my abdomen, up to my breasts as he kissed my neck, then my lips. As we kissed, I got extremely turned on. It had been a long time since I was as ready to go as this. His hand roved down between my legs and he seemed happy with what he found. He whispered in my ear.
