Just a Routine Check Up
Dee took a sip from her coffee and noticed her friend's glance at the clock. Anna was a picture of calm and repose but she had looked there at least four times since they had sent Kent out on his little errand.
"How do you think its going to go?"
Anna gave her friend a nervous smile. "I'm pretty sure. I mean its new to me but from what you and Emily and Georgia have told me... I'm pretty sure I've recognised the signs. I just want to know now, know for sure, can you understand that?"
"Do you think it was when we met Bill?"
"If it is true then that was when it happened. I wanted to make it that way - so at least I would know. Do you think Bill will want to know?"
Dee laughed. "Oh yes - he'll want to show you off for sure. Just as long as he doesn't have to..." She rubbed her fingers together in the universal symbol for money.
Anna rushed to reassure her. "No, no, of course not. Jennifer drew up papers to secure the future in the event... Well, you know, when we first seriously thought about this. Kent has signed over funds and acknowledged obligations in advance."
Dee took another sip of her coffee. Her old pupil Jennifer had experience in these things. Those legal papers would be an air-tight contract. She hesitated and then decided to speak. "I still can never quite get over how accepting Kent is of all this. Especially now."
"I know just how lucky I am. It probably helps that he started us along this road. I would never have thought of doing it. I went along with it at first just to get him to shut up. I thought if I went a little way he would soon get cold feet but..."
"Not so much," nodded Dee.
"We'd arranged to meet Izeye and all along I expected him to bail out. If he didn't then with a day to go I was going to tell him that I just couldn't do it and he'd have to accept that. But..."
Dee encouraged her friend with another nod. "But?"
"But over that two or three weeks I'd got to thinking about it - about meeting Izeye and all that might follow. It sort of crept up on me. It unlocked something that I think had probably always been there. A desire for a certain something, a certain sort of man. A desire that Kent, and I DO love Kent, just could never fulfil. Then when I met Izeye, the very first time that his eyes met mine. When I saw his strength and his presence and his obvious desire for me. It was honestly all over from that moment I think. Everything else, even this morning, is just a logical progression from that moment."
"I know that feeling," said Dee softly. "But Kent..."
"If Kent had wanted to back out then I would have accepted that. That first meeting Izeye came on pretty strong and I was pretty sure at any moment that Kent would just tell him to fuck off and walk out. My husband is NOT a weak man and certainly nobody's doormat."
"Unless, of course..."
Anna gave a confirmatory smile. "Unless he wants to be. I don't know how but Izeye had read Kent completely right. Kent tried to explain it to me. That he felt that he was not good enough for me and that his love for me meant not just allowing but encouraging me to..."
Dee nodded. The rest didn't need to be spoken. The desire for a 'real man', the realisation that this meant a Black man. She had been there herself, though in her case she had travelled the journey without her husband's knowledge or consent.
They heard a vehicle on the driveway and knew without looking that Anna's husband was back from his errand. Dee looked round at her surroundings. Kent ran a successful privately owned business and his home had all the trappings of success. Perhaps his beautiful younger wife had once counted as one of those trappings. Most people could never comprehend what would cause the couple to have chosen the path that they had taken. However, Dee could. She knew the strength of that temptation and then the ever building power of its fulfilment. Anna could not turn back now any more than Dee could. Kent? Now Kent might be another matter. Reality might bite harder than he could stand. That was why Jennifer and Izeye had made arrangements to secure the future for Anna and her family.
Kent came into the room with a small box in his hand. His lips were slightly pursed, his face tight with anxiety. He gave his wife a nervous smile and then handed over the box with its 'First Response' branding. "It's a two-pack. So even if things don't show today then maybe in a couple of days time we might be more lucky."
Dee had watched him carefully. Kent was certainly nervous but there was no reason to doubt his sincerity. His acceptance, even his hope, that his wife would prove pregnant by another man. A pregnancy which would prove beyond doubt his wife's infidelity in the eyes of the mainstream world. Things would be difficult, could be really rough. Their love and their bond would be tested. Maybe it would not prove strong enough or maybe it would be tempered and strengthened by all the experiences to come. Time would tell. After a year in the lifestyle Dee knew examples of each. Actions had consequences but you could not always be 100% sure what those consequences would be.
"Just a moment," said Anna and then she went to the bathroom carrying the pregnancy test.
Dee was still watching Kent. She saw his eyes follow his wife out of the room. Then she saw him close his eyes for a few seconds as his mouth subtly moved. She realised that he was praying - but what for?
Anna returned with a small plastic pot containing some amber-coloured liquid. It didn't take a genius to work out what that was. She quickly removed a test from the box and unsealed it. She found the instructions and read them carefully for her husband's benefit. Then she removed the cover from the absorbent strip and held it over the pot of her pee. "Are you ready?" she asked, the quaver in her voice slight but detectable.
Kent took her free hand in his. "We'll count together," he said.
His wife dipped the end of the test into the liquid and the couple counted out the required five seconds together. Then the test was put aside for the required three minutes.
Dee felt the privilege of being there. This was a potentially pivotal moment in the lives of her friend and her friend's husband. No-one spoke as they waited. Kent had placed his arm around Anna and the two now kissed, a picture of unity and shared experience. Dee thought to herself that she hoped they would make it - she had a strong feeling deep in her soul that they would, however foreign their experience seemed to her.
Dee glanced at her watch. "It's time." She saw Anna's eyes flick to Kent. He took a breath and then picked up the test. There was a moment's pause as he scrutinised it and then he smiled and nodded. "We're going to have a baby."
Anna's eyes opened wide and she almost laughed before gently taking the test to look herself. She smiled again and then a trace of anxiety came into her face. "The second line isn't as dark as the first."
"Let me," said Dee. Being a woman of experience came in handy at times like this. A glance told her all she needed to know. "You should use the other test in a week's time if you want confirmation but that is a clear positive. Congratulations - it's time to make plans - you are pregnant as pregnant can be."
Anna squealed her delight and then hugged her husband before hugging Dee as they each got to their feet.
Dee felt the warmth of her friend's body - seemed to feel her racing heart-beat. She had been there - especially that first time. The mixed wonder and joy and anxiety. The knowledge that nothing could ever be the same again after that moment. That some suddenly unimportant doors were closing but that other potentially wonderful ones were opening wide and bright and full of possibilities.
She thought of her own children, her own family. She remembered her own precious moments with them. She remembered all that she had been putting at risk over the last year. All that she knew that she would be putting at risk even more over the next few months. She felt the guilt of that realisation but knew that it was an empty feeling. She would not be turning back. She had told Anna to make plans but she knew that she herself had to do the same - and fast.
***
Dee remembered back to the moment after she had dumped her birth control pills down the toilet at home. She had reached over to pick up her phone where it had been recording the moment on video for posterity - and for Shaka. She allowed the phone to carefully record her new jewellery - each nipple pierced with a bar and ring to allow it to carry a small enamelled Queen of Spades symbol. Then she moved the lens up to take in her face and blew it a kiss. "All for you - my Black master," she had purred and then stopped the recording before immediately sending it to Shaka.
She knew that he would understand the video, would decode its symbolism instantly. She still felt the rush of adrenaline coursing through her as she heard the front door close downstairs. A second later she heard the voices of her son and oldest daughter. She quickly did up her blouse and went to meet them. It was time to be mom again.
She heard her phone chime and automatically checked her messages.
'Proud of u babe. Get here tomorrow. We got overdue business.'
She felt the thrill run through her, her soul basked in Shaka's approval. Her mind flashed forward to meeting her Black lover and master tomorrow. She knew what that 'overdue business' was. She almost felt her whole body quiver at the thought of how good that man could make her feel. Her mind snapped back to where she was. Maddy was smiling at her and reaching out for a hug. But Maddy wasn't her main concern at that precise moment.
Young Davey was only just turned nine but he was sharp for his age. As she met them Dee saw a momentary look on his face. What was it? Surprise? Confusion? Concern? A mixture of all three? She waited for him to say something but he didn't. She felt a moment's disappointment but hardly surprise. One aspect of her 'busy' life over the last year had been that she had perhaps given more of her available time to her two younger children. She had rationalised that fact - had even told herself that it had its advantages for Davey. He had both become more independent and spent more of his time with his father. That had been good for David too. At least that was what she told herself. But now Davey wasn't going to seek an explanation from her. She knew her son. He would think about it and ponder it and perhaps at some future date he would seek explanation for what had concerned him. From her? Or from his father?
