The Professor

Chapter 08 -- A revelation

We lingered over our meal at Pino's until 8:30 and Lissia asked, "Shall we go to my place and talk a while or do you want to drive around?"

"Let's go to your place and talk a while," I stood and held her chair as she got up. She took my arm with her hands. She was as sweet and charming as a schoolgirl. Pino thanked us graciously as we left, "Come back - buona sera il mio cuore."

We smiled, "Good night Pino."

I held the car door for her as she slid into her seat. I locked it behind her and she unlocked my door, "Thank you baby." Lissia was exceptionally quiet. "Are you okay Lissia?"

She shook her head, "Just thinking."

"What about baby?" I asked her.

"How different our backgrounds are..." she noted

I pulled the car onto Elgin heading toward Kirby. "Lissia something's bothering you, please tell me what it is?"

"Let's wait 'til we get home so I can sit and look at you when I tell you," her voice was filled with trepidation and her hands were trembling as she held onto my right hand with both of hers. She breathed out deeply. I could tell she didn't enjoy drama and this wasn't drama there was something to this angst.

I turned onto Tulane Street where she lived and pulled into her driveway, the oyster shells crunching under the tires. I kissed her hands -- I could tell she was about to burst into tears. I didn't know what was coming so I was steeling myself against the probables and the improbables - I wouldn't try to guess what it was she'd tell me in a few anyway I thought as I held the door open for her. As she stepped out I took her in my arms and kissed her, "Baby in case I forget to tell you I've had a wonderful day with you at my side. You're stealing my heart."

She whimpered a bit, "Me too sweet man of mine, me too."

She held onto me very tightly as I held my hand to the back of her head, "I promise you whatever it is it will be okay..."

We parted and went to the door where she fumbled with her keys so I took them from her and unlocked the door. Turning on the lights she put her purse and things down while I locked the front door. She settled on the sofa, kicking off her shoes.

LISSIA TELLS THIS PORTION OF HER STORY IN HER WORDS:

Steven courted me today. He loved me and made me feel like a very special part of his life. He even held his ground against my friend Evie's nosey-ass attack. I am definitely gonna have to watch that girl -- she has been known to grab her some ass wherever she could but it is strictly hands off of my man. There's more; when we went to see Major and Mrs. Edwards I was scared shitless. I didn't know if I was gonna wind up dead or strung up somewhere like my great uncle Silas. I don't know what Steven told his daddy on the phone before we went to see them but they were as nice as any folk I've ever met. His momma didn't use the n-word one time; I know Steven was worried about her.

I watched my baby when he and his daddy were together -- he's so worried about his daddy he couldn't concentrate. His daddy is a good looking man with wavy black hair and that smooth olive complexion. You wouldn't know he was dying of cancer until you heard his raspy, radiation-poisoned voice. He got winded easily too. Steven tried to keep him from talking too much but the major has his ways -- I guess I know where Steven gets his persistence. His momma and I got on pretty well especially when I told her I made my own clothes since no store-bought dresses had the right bust size -- she agreed - said she had the same problem. We laughed and she kissed me and hugged me like a daughter. I had to pinch myself.

Steven already told you how nervous I was about going to Pino's since it is so close to the University. I recognized a few folk in there as students but no professors. Steven said he didn't know anyone there. Pino is so charming -- he spoke to us in Italian and that just added to the ambience. The waiters were all Italian and from their looks probably related to Pino.

Steven's already told you I have something to talk about. I took a deep breath with him on the sofa looking at me and holding my hand just as calm as you please. "Baby I don't know where to start so let me just be blunt. I was raped by my cousin and two of his friends when I was thirteen. It happened on the Sunday I got baptized."

The look on his face went from pleasant to pure anger; his neck flushed red as a beet, "What!? Are those lousy bastards still around?" He was furious. I don't think he realized that he was standing up.

I'd never heard him talk like that about anyone. I had to calm him down, "Please baby sit down, please. I won't be able to get this out with you this angry. Please?" I pleaded with him as he paced the floor. He reminded me of my Uncle Charlie. Steven finally sat down and I put my hands on him and he got very still. "Baptisms are a big family event in the black church. We had a family reunion - aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, nieces, nephews -- the whole big family showed up at Daddy's farm." He was listening now. I could see he was still angry but I kept going, "My cousin Kevin, Uncle Carl's son, was home from the Army and he brought two Army buddies with him -- they were fixing to go to Korea. Those two buddies of his were scrawny-ass sharecropper kids with filthy mouths stuffed with chewing tobacco. Kevin told me he wanted to show me something that he found in the barn so I went with him. His two friends were sort of walking behind us a ways with their hands in their pockets spitting as they walked. We got in the barn and Kevin pushed me on the hay and jumped on me and before I could scream his buddies held my arms with a hand over my mouth. They all took a turn plus. They tore my new baptism dress. I bled like a stuck hog. I tried to fight 'em off..."

I started crying and Steven slid over and held me so close, "Oh baby I'm so sorry...I am so sorry." He held me tightly to him bless his heart he didn't know what else to do but it was enough for me. I could feel his tears on my neck, the muscles in his arms and back were tight as steel cables. I knew if I turned him loose he'd go on the prod for those men. I started getting my breath back so I pulled us apart. He kissed my tears and dabbed my face...he is such a sweet man. Then he spoke so softly, "You don't have to go on..."

I nodded to him, "I do too. You need to hear all of this." I took a deep breath and told him the rest of it, "I came out of the barn crying and my daddy came running over with his four brothers and momma and her two sisters. Daddy knelt down in front of me and asked me what happened and I told him. He turned around to momma and gave her my hand, "Take her inside and tend to her Elsbeth." He and his brothers including my Uncle Carl didn't have to go far to catch up with my cousin and his friends. They grabbed those boys and took 'em to the barn and beat the shit out of 'em. One of the sharecropper boys tried to run and Uncle Charlie shot him in the balls with his .32 and then told him to get his black ass out of here. Cousin Kevin's daddy Carl beat him unconscious just like they did the other sharecropper. Well before too long Mr. Bob Kleinschmidt, the white county deputy sheriff, came up in his sheriff's car with that boy that helped rape me and that my Uncle Charlie shot. He was in the back seat of the sheriff's car. Daddy and my uncles told Mr. Bob the whole story. Mr. Bob knew me real well because I had helped his son Mikey with his science homework so Mr. Bob was like another daddy to me. Mr. Bob got pissed and he called his office and asked them to get the Army down here to pick up three rapists. He put all three of 'em in the back of his car handcuffed to one another. Apparently he asked Daddy and Uncle Carl if they wanted him to throw 'em off the bridge. Daddy said no but Uncle Carl said 'kill that stupid 'n----r' he ain't no son of mine. The Army came and got 'em."

I shut up and looked at Steven. I had no inkling that Steven had this kind of rage in him, "Where are they now" he asked me in a quiet, stern voice.

"They are in prison at Ft. Leavenworth -- they got 50 years in prison," I told him.

"That's not enough," he spat out those words like he had a mouthful of poison. His face was red, his knuckles were white from the tight fists that he had made. Steven had a brooding side to him that I never expected.

I kissed his face, "Baby?" He kept looking at his hands, tears were running out of his poor eyes so fast I didn't know what to say to him. So I put my arms around him and began stroking his back and neck, "Oh baby c'mon now they're locked up and you're here with me my sweet man. Hold me Steven."

He put his arms around me and held me closely to his big chest, "Oh my dear sweet Lissia. I didn't know this hurt was so deep inside you. I'm surprised you'd let any man get close to you. My sweet baby no one will ever hurt you like that again -- ever." He was relaxing some but still holding me close. That man was so protective of me after I told him what had happened. "How'd you ever let me get this close to you?" he asked.

"I didn't want to be around any of my male cousins or any boys for that matter. In high school I never went on a date I just buried myself in my studies -- that's how I got my scholarship to Spelman. I finally started dating in college and met two supposedly nice boys and they turned out to want nothing but a fuck. The last one was when I was finishing my Ph.D. and since then it's been no one until I met you," I admitted to him.

"So what happened with us, I mean Lissia I'm an undergrad and you're a professor. I'm not in your circle of acquaintances much less friends," he sort of stammered it out.

"I don't know if I can give you a good answer to your question. Hell something in me flipped when you stood your ground with me and the next thing I know I'm chasing you down that damned hallway hollering after you like a motherless child," I told him.

He sort of chuckled, "I remember that part. Your heels clicking and clacking on the concrete. I was not up for another confrontation with you."

"Hell yes. I damned near broke my back chasing you in those four inch heels. They're not made to run in. When you turned around I thought oh shit he's gonna let me have it," I laughed.

He finally gave me that smile of his -- the kind that just melts your heart and tells you it's alright.

"Steven you have been so kind to me. You forgave me so quickly. You did what you said you'd do and you worked like a field hand. I felt so bad watching you sweat away in that hot sun for $10 and all you wanted to do was earn enough money to pay for your books. After I found out about you being a Dean's list student and how hard you worked I had to know more about you. I felt safe with you. I've never felt threatened by you or afraid of you or anything. I knew I wanted to find a man like you. When we were sitting on the swing drinking tea I was struck by your candor, your innocence and your immense knowledge. You listened to me talk without interrupting to give me your perspective -- you treated me like I'm someone. I know that's silly coming from a professor but women especially black women are talked down in meetings with colleagues. I tried antagonizing you into a fight and you just smiled that innocent smile so I kissed you and when you kissed me back I almost died baby," I stroked his big forearms and he smiled that sweet Steven smile.

"I knew you were trying to goad me into a fight of some sort but that fight wasn't in your eyes -- you know the ruthless, careless professorial type who wants to shred undergrads like me to teach us a lesson," he was pretty savvy.

"Yes we're guilty of that," I told him, "sort of like an easy target. But you're not an easy target. You told me I was fast well sweetie you're fast as hell and you've not let me get away with one damn thing. You're so calming until this moment anyway -- I'm gonna have to watch you carefully just in case anyone tries to offend me -- you're like the Secret Service with your hovering. But no one has ever treated me like this...that's where you got me. Last night I cried myself to sleep because you weren't here with me."

He stroked my face and kissed me, "You're stealing my heart one beat at a time Lissia. You can have me for as long as you want. I didn't know how wonderful it could feel to have someone so loving to love back." Then he asked me a hard question, "When you told me that my first time would be memorable was it because your first experience was so brutal?"

He cut through the bullshit again and I started to cry, "Yes." What I would learn about Steven was that if my heart was the least bit wounded he wanted to make it right even if he had nothing to do with its pain. I stopped my boo hooing long enough to tell him how terrified I was and as he held me I could feel him tensing up. I didn't want to stir his ire again. But I kept talking with my emotions and he listened to me...he asked me questions about how I healed and what I did to stay focused on school and did I go to church. He wanted to know every little thing about me. He didn't try to 'fix' how I felt by taking me to bed -- I would have gone. We stretched out on that sofa and he held me in his big ol' arms until I fell asleep. He was the first man I'd ever told about my being raped -- only Evie knew what happened at home and she won't talk. For such a young man with so little experience with women he certainly knew how to make me feel loved, protected and desirable. I wish men would understand that we just need someone to listen to us.

He kissed me awake -- it was quarter 'til one -- he needed to go home. "Have I scared you off Steven?"

He smiled, "Hardly -- I was worried that my fierce anger frightened you."

I patted his chest, "No baby when you wrapped your arms around me I disappeared into you and I love that feeling you give me. Do you still want to come to church in the morning?"

He nodded, "Yes. What time should I pick you up?"

I grinned, "Pick me up at 10 not CP time though 10."

He had a puzzled look on his face, "What's CP time?"

"Colored People's time -- which means anywhere from 15 to 30 minutes past the appointed hour," I smiled to him and hugged him tightly.

He told me, "Well I'll be here at ST 15."

"I'll play what's ST 15?"

"Steven's time 15 minutes early," he smiled and gave me a soul probing good night kiss. "Lissia there's so much I want to tell you but it can wait. I love being with you. I don't want to lose you for any reason and I am very thankful that you confided in me." We reluctantly broke our hug and my heart ached as I watch him leave for the night.

I CONTINUE MY STORY:

As I headed back home my heart was absolutely broken about what had happened to Lissia as a thirteen year old girl. I watched my speed limit. It was late and I didn't want to get a speeding ticket or have an accident. My mind kept going back to the abject fear and torment that the rape must have caused her not just in the moment but all these years. Her passion just pours out of her and she trusts me to love her with the devotion and care of a longtime confidant and lover. My heart pounded in my chest. The drive home didn't seem to take as long as it did. There was a light on in the den as I pulled into the driveway. I got out, locked the car and went inside.

Dad was in the den with the window air conditioner running. He must be having trouble breathing again. He heard me come in even though I walked quietly. Our dog, well Dad's dog really, nosed my Dad's hand and he woke up. "Hi Dad, sorry to wake you. How do you feel?"

He whispered hoarsely, "Not so good son. But it is what it is." He sat up and grabbed his water glass and swallowed a few pills leaning his head back for a minute, "Son I can see why you like that young woman. She is plain speaking and brilliant. If you stay together it'll be difficult but it's not outside of your abilities to handle the situation. Your Momma likes her too -- she did notice that Phylissia is very dark-skinned."

"Mom would notice that..."

He held his hand up, "She said she is probably the prettiest girl she's ever seen...now that's something I never thought I'd hear your Momma say. We're here for you both but I'm worried about your brothers - they aren't real happy that your girlfriend is black -- I'm afraid there's gonna be trouble Steven -- don't let Phylissia see it. You can't let that sweet child be hurt by your brothers' bad behavior. I've warned them but they don't pay attention to me now that I'm sick so it's gonna be up to you and Momma to straighten 'em out - just don't kill them Steven...I'm tired son. I love you two." He drifted off to sleep I kissed him on the forehead and covered him. I left the light on in the kitchen in case he got up - I went on to bed undressing in the dark trying not to wake my younger brother. He was snoring and making lumber mill noises so he was out. I lay back on my pillow and prayed for dad and Lissia and my family...