Hey readers! New year, new chapter! Thank you all for your comments and feedback. You help me learn and grow. Please keep them constructive and keep them coming. A special thank you to my fantastic editor, Nehkara. I hope you enjoy!
-Kat
*
Erin gasped for breath, her hands clawing at the air above her. She was trembling and felt a sheet of cold sweat on her skin. The darkness in her bedroom was foreign and terrifying. Her heart was pounding so hard it almost hurt. She closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip. Hard.
Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm the fuck down.
The taste of blood in her mouth brought her back. She opened her eyes again and recognized the guest bedroom of her sister's duplex. She fussily kicked the sheets off, then instantly regretted it as the sweat cooled her skin and reminded her it was winter. She yanked the covers back on, pulling them over her head. She turned over onto her side and sighed heavily.
Get it together Erin! This is bullshit. You know it is.
But with all her tough talk, Erin couldn't calm her pounding heart. Hot tears began to bloom in her eyes. She tried, and failed, to push them back. She closed her eyes again, but was brought back to the dream.
To the roof.
To the feel of the rifle in her hand.
To the screaming.
She opened her eyes. A tear slid from her left eye, over her nose and into her right eye. She squinted as she sobbed, trying to darken the world without going back to the dream.
--------------------------------------------------
In the morning, Erin stood in the bathroom, bent over the sink. She'd filled the basin with cold water and was staring down at the clear ripple of it. She looked back up at her reflection and instantly saw the puffy swell of her eyelids and the pink hue around her irises. She plunged her face into the water, the chill temperature causing goosebumps to rack her body. The water was bracing, but soothing on her eyes. She stood there, not breathing, taking it all in. Eyes closed, she was transported back in time again...
She was lying back on rough sandy ground. The hot Iraq sun blared down on her broken body mercilessly. There was a high sharp ringing in her ears. Her head quaked like someone had taken a sledgehammer to it. She wanted to open her eyes, but they were sealed shut and gritty.
Oh God no... what happened? Where are the others? Where is Iman? David? Tristan?
Her lips were dry and cracked badly. She wanted to open her mouth but was afraid that she'd choke on her own blood.
Blood. The world around her reeked with it. Sand and blood.
But something stronger pierced through of disorientation in her mind.
Pain.
White hot and apparent. Pain everywhere. Her leg. Her arm. Her back. The agony was all too intense, all too real again. Her body was on fire, it felt like a raging inferno blazing deep within her flesh, until even her bones felt raw. It rushed to her in sudden flashes.
The cargo truck. The guys. The man....
I know you. But, why are you here? You shouldn't be here?
The man's face. The man's tears. The man's finger, moving, pressing down.
The explosion.
Erin began to scream.
Cold water filled her nose and mouth and she started to choke. She screamed into the water, air escaping her lungs into bubbles that left her gasping. Instinct finally kicked in and Erin's arms push her back from the sink hard, flinging her back onto the tile floor. She gasped and kicked back until her back hit the wall. Sobs and breaths racked her chest. Her head shook from side to side, trying to escape her memories. A moment later, Morgan was in the room.
"Erin!" she cried as she got down to her knees next to her sister. Morgan kicked the door closed and held Erin's face in her palms, trying to steady her.
"Erin honey come back! Its ok! You're ok!"
Erin looked up at her like she was seeing a stranger.
"Deep breaths little sis. Do it with me now." Morgan placed a firm hand just beneath Erin's neck, on her chest. She looked her in the eyes and slowly inhaled and exhaled. When she didn't see Erin mimic her actions, she pressed harder. Erin began to focus and copy her sister, heaving in deep breaths through her nose and out her mouth. The sisters stayed like that, breathing and focusing for an unknown period of time. They were only disturbed by a soft rapping on the bathroom door.
"Mommy?" Dannie's worried tone captured their attention. "Is everything ok?"
"Yes baby," Morgan replied, "auntie just had a little fall and I was helping her up."
"But you've been in there forever," Dannie said suspiciously.
"I fell really hard Dannie," Erin said, her voice cracking.
"Ok..."
They heard her walk away slowly. They looked back at one another then, trying to assess.
"Morgan-"
"Forget about it," Morgan said quickly.
Morgan crawled over to the bathroom floor towel and started wiping up the cold water. She didn't look at Erin.
"Morgan..." Erin said pathetically. Her voice was filled with tears, making the sound of her sister's name crack in the air.
Morgan looked back. Erin was crying again. She'd never looked so young to Morgan as she did right then. She saw the round sweet face of her baby sister. Her heart could have shattered in her chest right then. She stood quickly and yanked Erin up with her. She threw her arms around Erin and held her tight.
"It's ok little me. It's ok, I promise."
"I'm so sorry Morgan."
"Sssshhhh." Morgan rubbed her back and felt Erin bury her face in her hair. She smiled. Erin hadn't done it in years. "You still are going to therapy?"
Erin nodded.
"Then don't worry about it. It's ok. You're ok."
Erin pulled back and smiled a sad smile at her sister. Morgan mirrored it.
"Mooooommmmyyyyy!!" Dannie wailed from downstairs. "I'm hungry!"
"You hungry?" Morgan asked as she flicked away a tear from Erin's cheek.
"Ain't I always?"
--------------------------------------------------
The chip had warmed on Wyatt's forehead. He almost couldn't feel it anymore.
Almost.
He rolled over to his side and let the chip fall to the pillow next to him. It was cheap little thing, red and yellow checker edges. He stared at it.
18 months. 18 long, dry months.
His body ached and he could practically feel the bags under his eyes. But it was Saturday. And thank God for that. He'd caught up on all his grading; he had no school meetings or specials this weekend. No fundraising events or "Become a better Teacher" classes. Just him and his chip. And the good folks at Alcoholics Anonymous.
He dragged the covers over his head and closed his eyes. He knew he'd have to get up soon. The Thirst liked to creep in when he wasn't otherwise occupied. It liked to invade his quiet moments, break the silence in his thoughts. It took over his tongue. Made him fidget. Made him jumpy.
Made him angry.
Why the fuck can't I have a drink? I'm a grown ass man. I'm not hurting anyone. I should be able to have a drink in my own home, in my own private sanctuary, without going through this bullshit!
That was the Thirst talking. Trying to trick him. But the last time he'd allowed the Thirst in, someone had died.
"Never again," he swore aloud.
Wyatt opened his eyes at the memory. He sighed heavily and grabbed the sobriety chip. He strung the leather chain through it and slipped it back over his neck. His cell phone buzzed on his nightstand then. He pressed the green button without looking.
"You up?"
"Yeah Casey. I'm up."
"Good man. I'm at the door."
"And I'm naked."
"Ugh!" Casey scoffed. "Well put some clothes on. I brought treats!"
Wyatt smiled. "Alright. One sec."
He hung up the phone and set it down. In less than a minute, he was in boxers and a shirt and was at his house door. He opened it to see his sister was holding up a pink pastry box.
"Did someone order cupcakes!" She beamed.
"No." Wyatt grunted in response. He turned around and walked back into the house, knowing his sister was following. He sat down at the island counter and Casey plopped the pink box down next to him.
"What's wrong with you, grumpy?" she asked.
Wyatt just stared at her. Her red hair was piled sloppily on top of her head. A fading bruise encircled her left, light green, eye. Her slender frame was wrapped tightly in a black mini and she was wearing a man's black button up. She smelled like alcohol and cologne being poorly masked in body spray. He frowned at her.
"What was his name?"
