Part 6
To Heather, every day seemed better than the last but she wanted more. Something was missing. Her body longed for more, she knew what it was, though she kept it to herself even in her own mind.
With every kiss, she felt a strange warmth in her belly that seemed to radiate with little hints of electricity down to her womanly parts and up to her nipples. She made a habit of pressing her breasts against him, dragging them softly across his arms, and sometimes even smothering his face between them. The feeling of her breasts touching his body made her sensitive nipples harden with desire. Trembling and breathless, she'd pull away from his lips and lean against him, holding him close, feeling the hardness of his arousal against her body.
One day, one of the few she'd spent in her own house, she watched a Jerry Springer-like talk show dedicated entirely to interracial marriages. The people and their situations were stupid and inane but they got her mind moving in a direction she'd been dwelling on quite a bit over the past year, ever since she'd met Darnell.
Going to her room, she closed the door and opened up her laptop. She went on internet and typed "interracial" and blushed fiercely when all the sites that came up were porno sites. She couldn't help herself though, they fascinated her, making her stomach flutter and jump with excitement... the same sensations she'd felt when she'd fist pulled Darnell's pants down to take care of his injury and smelled his musky scent and when she'd seen his obvious arousal at her touch on several different occasions.
Squirming in her chair, she pressed her legs together, producing yet another pleasurable sensation, and started coasting through different sites. Breathing rapidly, she found a site dedicated solely to sex between black men and white women. Not just white, but blonde women. She was caught. She knew she shouldn't be looking at this trash. And trash it was, but she just couldn't help herself.
Her mother wasn't due home for a few more hours, she'd finished her homework, done her chores and she'd planned on calling Darnell later, maybe paying him a visit. She might still do that but right now she wanted to focus on the feelings inside her quivering belly, the flashes of lightning whenever she brought her hand down to the warmth of her womanhood.
She watched several teasers and finally got up to fetch her purse and change out of her clothes and into one of Darnell's t-shirts she'd taken from his place. She felt closer to him when she wore it. She had a feeling that tonight she'd feel closer to him than ever.
Taking out one of her many credit cards, knowing that her mom would never look at the itemized bill, she purchased access to everything on the site.
Sweating lightly but steadily and trembling with the naughtiness and wrongness of it and the chance she might get caught, she watched several movies. She tried to find ones with girls that looked like her. She found a lot of them. There wasn't a single one of anyone who looked like Darnell, though. All of the black men were big, muscular guys ... except for their ... black 'equipment' ... they didn't interest her much.
What's wrong with me, she thought yet again. How can I be so crazy about him? We're so different, so wrong for each other, such complete opposites. So why can't I stop wanting him?
She tried to figure it out in her mind.
Is it because he saved me from getting raped?
No, I don't think so.
He's lonely and he's a janitor. He's been a janitor most of his life, he's never going to be anything else.
I just know that I love him. I want to be with him, I want to make him happy. I want us both to be happy.
Until I met him I didn't realize what it was I wanted. As stupid and senseless as the whole situation between us is I just can't help it, I can't get him out of my mind. Look at what I'm doing right now. I'm looking at porn like a horny teenage boy and the only one I can picture myself with is him.
She just couldn't help herself, the emotions she felt for him were ... inescapable.
Why should I fight it? Maybe this is just the way it was meant to be. My dad always told me that everything happens for a reason that some things are just meant to be. My heart wants him, my body wants him ... so I'm going to be with him.