The Devils Eye

You

try growing up black in an all-white town. Pet, exotic species, freak of nature...The pity is worse than the hostility. Especially from the women. But I learned early on how to take advantage of it.

I got into some major shit in Sixth Year. There was a fight, me and Boothman, a farmer kid. He nearly lost an eye. The cops got called in, the school chaplain stuck his nose in, my dad beat the shit out of me and I got dragged in by the school Counsellor for a series of talks.

Lorraine

...

She didn't have a clue what she was talking about but I played along, telling her what she wanted to hear. In trying not to talk down to me, she was even more patronizing.

Understanding

...She used the word all the time. It was funny.

One day she asked me if I had a girlfriend. I shook my head. She wrote something down in the pad on her knee. We were facing each other, sitting in two chairs in the corner of her office that she used for chats. Short blonde hair, red nails, bright nylon...I'd jerked off thinking about her a few times.

'But you've had a girlfriend, right?'

'We broke it off.'

'Oh. I'm sorry to hear that.'

She smiled, showing me her crooked front teeth. Not a looker but she had that physical grace, that promising sensuality...I started to get hard.

'Is everything all right, Jay?'

'Yes Miss.'

She'd picked up on it. I watched her flush.

'Do you like girls?'

I laughed.

'What's funny?'

'It's a funny question, Miss.'

'I'll bet they like you...'

Now I blushed. I shrugged, looking away towards the door, listening to her forced laugh.

'I didn't mean to embarrass you, I'm sorry...'

'You ever see tropical fish in a tank?' I said. 'That's me. They just stare at you.'

'How does that make you feel?'

'Sometimes I want them to stop. Just stop looking at me. I want to be left alone.'

'Unfortunately, in a town like this...'

She didn't need to finish the sentence. I resented how she was trying to make out that she was somehow different from the others. She was one of them. A

native

. It didn't matter that I'd been born and raised here too, just like she had. She didn't get it. None of them did and they never would.

I spread my legs to accommodate my hard-on.

'What's the matter Jay?'

She knew men's body language. It was part of her job. She would be soft under that beige suit, pink and freckled like Jenny, the aunt who had taken my cherry at fifteen and killed herself a few months later. Depression, they reckoned. I still thought about her when I jerked off. If it hadn't been weird, it wouldn't have felt so good.

'Nothing, Mi...Lorraine.'

'Nothing...I've seen a lot of boys, Jay. And trust me, it's far from nothing that's going on....'

Her blouse had a wide collar that left her throat bare. When Jenny came, she went purple up there. She used to let me fuck her tits till I shot my load.

'I'm going to be frank Jay, and I want you to do the same for me.'

'Who's Frank?'

'You think you're smart, don't you?'

'I don't think, Miss.'

'We call it libido. Do you know what that is? See, you're not so smart after all...All that aggression you feel, all that rage...There's no way of stopping it. Not for someone like yourself. Not in this town...'

'Say it.'

'Say what?'

'What you see when you look at me. All of you.'

I hated afterwards, when Jenny felt romantic and would touch and kiss my skin like it was precious. Her devotion was embarrassing. I hadn't a clue how miserable she really was. None of us did.

'Like I say,' Lorraine went on, ignoring me, 'we can't stop it. But we can...what's the word I'm looking for...?'

She was leaning forward, her wrists crossed upon her knee.

'

Sublimate

...'

I knew she enjoyed saying it. She did that with lots of words.

Matriculation, syllabus, organic

...Everything sounded like filth out of that mouth...

'I don't know what that means either,' I said. 'You can take the piss out of me again.'

'We're being serious,' she said. 'We're being

adult

. You're not a boy any more Jay, are you? Another few months and you'll be done with school. But while you're here, you're our...'

'Problem?'

'Project. We have the knowledge, we have the resources. The question is, do we have the will?'

She placed a hand on my knee.

'Do we, Jay?'

It burned where she was touching me. She was feeding me all kinds of bad energy while seeking out its equivalent in me. It was hard to keep cool but I did it. I didn't move, just kept staring at her. Brown eyes, the colour of me. Black holes at the centre of them.

Finally, I reached out and touched the twin diamonds of her wedding ring. She nodded.

'I hear all you're saying about prejudice,' she said. 'But you'd be surprised how open-minded people can be at the back of it all...'

Our faces were getting closer. All I could see was her mouth, the down and orange powder of the jaw that made a ball-peen hammer of her face. Her lips were wet, sore- looking where she'd eaten dead skin. I knew she was looking at mine...

Your lips are like a wet cunt

, Jen used to say. We'd found out later that she had swung both ways. Maybe it was what was really wrong with her. When she was manic, she'd fuck anything. She'd fucked me, hadn't she...?

Lorraine drew back as slowly as she'd approached. I made to stand up but something in her posture told me not to bother.

'The first thing we learn is the importance of discretion,' she said. 'The second is patience...You know where we live don't you? Around nine tomorrow evening, does that suit?'

I said I'd be there...

*

They lived in Albanston, where the town met the countryside; where shop owners, landlord cops and swinging teachers built their piles. People out that way liked their privacy. Went to bat for it with shotguns, guard-dogs and hair-trigger alarms.

I was paranoid as I cycled over there, especially when a squad car overtook me, idling alongside me like a kerb-crawler, before driving on. Every window of every house I passed looked like a squinting eye.

Lorraine's was the only house on a boreen that led to a level-crossing.

Privacy

. She used to say you couldn't put a price on it.

I pressed the button on an intercom.

'Yes?' said a man's voice.

'Am...it's Jay.'

'Come on up...'

The slope of their front garden led up to a house that was two acres or so of giving it the big one. The windows were flat blades, like the ones you'd see on a church. My runners creaked on the tiles of the porch where the front door was open.

He was standing at the foot of the staircase, wearing a suit.

'Jay? Coleman, how're you? Call me Colly.'

I shook his hand and he brought me into the front room. He taught Maths in the Tech. Forty or so, tall, getting thick around the middle. Tight blonde hair, going grey. A prick, by all accounts...

'Are you a drinking man, Owen? I just opened a bottle of wine...sit down.'

He sounded used to giving orders. Something was telling me I hadn't really thought this through properly.

The only light in the room came from a spotlight above a painting of a mountainous landscape over the mantlepiece.

'Lol did that,' he said. 'The Devil's Eye.'

'She around?' I said.

'Putting on the slap.'

He smiled, handing me a glass.

'It's good to meet you at last,' he said.

'Cheers.'

The wine was like perfume. Her perfume. Even though I couldn't see her, I could smell her. The house reeked of her.

Colly stood with his back to the fireplace, one hand in his pocket.

'You play the soccer,' he said.

'Broke my foot,' I said. 'I missed the second half of the season.'

'The young fellow plays for the under-twelves. Two left feet like his oul lad. I seen you play a few times. You got sent off one time...'

'Kilchampion. Your man had a big mouth.'

He laughed.

'You fair dunted him all right. What was he saying to you?'

I said nothing.

'Thick as fucking pigshit, them lads,' he said. 'Half of them knackers. Do you want to bring your drink with you?'

I followed him to a room at the other side of the hall. An office, two chairs on the far side of an old wooden desk. A TV and video on a trolley next to them.

'You sit down and we'll be with you in a minute...'

He left me on my own. There were footsteps on the ceiling...

The solitude relaxed me. I was in her house. That was the main thing. I tossed some flakes into a goldfish bowl and checked out their books. Psychology, Maths, computers...I recognized Lorraine's handwriting on an A4 jotter. My cock twitched. I didn't know where the fuck he fitted in. He seemed all right, though. Maybe he just wanted to watch...

They came in together. Lorraine was dressed for the office, carrying a briefcase. Colly pulled out her chair before sitting down alongside her.

'Sorry to keep you waiting, Jay.' she said. 'If you take a seat, we can begin.'

I snapped into interview mode without thinking. Posture, attitude, eye-contact...She'd drummed it into us. It would have been less weird if they'd come in naked.

'Do you mind if I...?'

She picked up my glass and drank from it. Colly folded his arms, his head cocked.

'I wanted you two to meet first,' she said. 'To preempt any potential misunderstanding...'

She looked sideways at Colly who shrugged.

'I'm sound as a bell,' he said.

'Jay?'

Her eyes were done up to look huge. There was a dusting of glitter on her chest.

'Why the interview?' I said.

'We're obliged to...'

'It's a flawed process,' said Colly. 'But you can still learn a lot about a person.'

'You live with your Mum, don't you?' said Lorraine.

'And my sister.'

'The man of the house,' said Colly.

I didn't like his tone. Lorraine nudged him.

'Stop it... Do you see your dad much?'

'I see him around,' I said.

'How did ye manage when he was locked up?' said Colly.

'Fuck this...' I stood up.

'

What did I say to you

? Jay I'm sorry, sit down please.'

'Let him answer the question...' said Colly.

If I'd run out then, it would have been exactly what he'd wanted. I sat back down with my legs splayed.

'You been to jail?

Colly

?' I said.

Lorraine started to laugh.

'We're asking the questions,' he said.

'None of my family is any of your business...'

He made to get up but Lorraine stopped him with one hand.

'

You promised me

...'

They had some kind of a moment. I'd seen it from her before, that intense way she had of looking at you. Like she could see into your soul. She was in charge. She was just reminding him. Beaten, he sagged in his chair. My blood surged.

'Now,' she said, 'like we all agreed...'

He picked up the two remotes and turned on the TV and video. Pressed play.

'You're right, Jay,' she said. 'It is none of our business...'

The picture on the TV screen rippled before resolving itself. A bedroom, a still camera. The hand she had used to restrain him vanished beneath the desk.

'It's good that you're protective towards them,' she said.

'Most of the time I hate them...'

I watched a couple enter through the bedroom door. It was old footage. Lorraine was heavier, her hair permed. Colly had a moustache. Both of them wearing robes...

'Families,' she said. 'The pressure they put us under. But there are those moments... Moments of love, of generosity. Of unconditional trust. You know what I'm talking about, don't you Owen?'

Her voice was like oil. Colly breathed heavily, loosening his tie.

'This was ten years ago, imagine,' she said. 'Look at the baby weight...'

They both watched me watching the screen where they had been joined by a third, an East African-looking guy.

'This was the first time we ever...' she said.

I touched my cock through my pants without thinking.

'You were a fucking bitch on heat all summer,' said Colly.

'Oh, by the pool...When I walked out, I could feel them all looking at me. Their cocks getting hard for me...'

Her voice tailed off and her head went back, showing me her throat. On the screen, she was kneeling, her hands behind her back. Colly had the belt of his robe around her neck like a lead. She knelt before the other, at his mercy, spit dripping off her chin.

'You got what you wanted, didn't you?' said Colly. 'You always get exactly what you want, don't you?'

I could see the hand up her skirt beneath the desk. She ground her teeth, looking at me through half-open eyes. I opened my zip, watching her closely, watching the greed swelling up her lips as inch by inch I brought it out.

'Come on...'

Colly stood up and dragged her up by the arms. He brought her around to the front of the desk before pushing her down to her knees in front of my chair.

'Always fucking get what you want...'

He was only half hard, pawing at himself with his free hand. The other was pushing her head down, into my lap. My hips rose at the touch of her tongue.

'Mrs. Delahunty...' His voice was mocking, bitchy. 'BA MA hDip, huh? Professional Counselling Services, huh...?'

She gagged as I hit the back of her throat, hot thick spit from inside her spilling down to my balls. He kept her head there, like he wanted her to choke, before relenting with a disgusted sigh. She gasped for air, looking up at me, her eye make-up starting to run.

'Get this off you...'

He took off her jacket. A body-stocking of black roses underneath. I bent down and kissed her sloppy mouth, slowly, tenderly, as much to wind him up as anything. I knew the score for definite now. The coil of her tongue around mine confirmed it.

I guided her mouth away from mine, back down, talking to her with my eyes.

He's weak. You want a man.

The better you fuck me, the more you hurt him, get him off...To him, it's all the same...

His face was all red blotches, pure hate in his eyes. On the screen, Lorraine was face down on the bed, her muffled screams the only sound besides the slap of meat against sweating meat. Colly had vanished from the frame...

We went upstairs where the bedroom had been prepared. Scarves over lamps, towels on the bed, oil, dildos, restraints on both lockers.

'Put this on...'

Colly handed me a black hood, like an executioner's. Lorraine writhed out of her skirt and lay down on the bed, her legs apart. The body-stocking was crotchless, her cunt swollen, oozing white and ripe within the opening.

'Come here, Jay...Don't be shy...'

I stripped and knelt down next to her, her head turning sideways as she took me in her mouth again. Colly took the other side of her, a hand between her legs, mauling her cunt. He still had his vest on.

'Suck it, you fucking whore...'

There was despair as well as excitement in his voice, much the same as I could see in her eyes. Some part of her hated his touch, was screaming hysterically at him to get the fuck off of her...I felt her breasts, left to right and back again, an antivenom to his poison. Her mouth responded in appreciation.

Generosity

...I remembered her saying it with her mouth watering. She believed in it. She believed me capable of it. I touched her earlobe like Jen had liked, hoping she was reassured. I could be good to her. All of it didn't need to be ugly...

Colly had replaced his fingers with a dildo.

'Hold her down,' he said.

I ignored him. She did her best to, focusing all of her attention on our thing, as if we were the only two present. But he was hurting her. I could see it in her face. I knelt down alongside the bed, took off the hood and kissed her, the only thing I could think of that might help her through. Why did he need to be like that with her? Why did she put up with it? He still hadn't got a horn yet either. The buzz off him was sick, degenerate...

I slid my hand down her body and felt for her clit, the presence of my hand slowing down his mad dash. When I took the dildo from him, I expected him to react but he didn't. I got up and lay on the bed next to her, shutting him out with the thigh I laid over hers.

'Let's see how you fuck her...'

Like it was his idea all along...

Nylon crackled against my flesh. Her throat was golden with damp. Below me, her face was showing through, her real face. I had never seen her without make-up. Her eyes were small, shallow-set. She looked like different person.

'

Easy

...Here...'

She bit open a condom wrapper.

'Good girl,' said Colly, from somewhere nearby.

She touched my flank but I was already raising my hips.

'Okay?'

'Okay...'

Hands like a nurse, busy, practical. I touched her and she winced so I moistened her with spit, hers and mine. She opened up her body entirely, the flowers upon her thighs stretching, the bare tips of her fingers against my balls.

Slow

...

She didn't have to say it. Her cunt was getting wet again but she still felt tight. I teased her lips with the knob, letting the spit from my fingers trickle down on to them, the white of a cracked egg. Wine breath clinging to her face, gnawing a lip as she looked down into the angle of our bodies.

Acute

...There. I'd remembered something they'd taught me...

Her cunt lips were the same colour as my tongue. I could feel her yielding beneath me, not so much penetration as absorption. Colly, now kneeling on the bed, was jacking off, making unnecessary comments.

Now

he was hard. I was starting to wonder about him...

The rubber clicked, sinking deeper. She held my face steady, cupping my jaw. There was a crease on her forehead above her nose, like the one she got when she lost her rag in school. She looked so serious that I couldn't help laughing. Her mouth crumpled.

'What's so funny?'

'Miss, nothing, Miss...'

'I'll give you nothing, miss...'

I kissed her, trying to be serious and failing. Our mouths burst apart, both of us in hysterics.

'You're pushing me out...'

'Oh Jesus, I need to piss...'

She hooked her arms under mine, clasping her hands together at the top of my back. When I looked down and back, I was all the way inside her.

'Leave it,

leave it

...'

Her grip was like a heartbeat. I needed to lose the rubber. I needed to feel it...

She took a hold of Colly without looking at him, raising her legs straight up at the same time to cover me, wise to what I was at. Kneeling, I held her ankles with one hand, the other guiding my naked cock back into her. She jacked him off wanly, nodding at me, telling me I didn't need to hold back any more. The bed creaked in response to the rhythm of my hips. Faster, louder, the base knocking against the wall with a bailiff's persistence.

Colly keened as he not so much shot as burped up his load. She wiped her hand on his leg, twisting my nipple with the other. Her face was all damp bone, the pink of its flush darkening as it spilled down to her neck, ending up the colour of sunburn on her chest. She spoke to me in tongues from inside her throat. I felt like screaming the house down but I kept it zipped.

Deep, even, considerate, the way Jen had showed me...

Just cos it's a hole doesn't mean it's nothing

...Sometimes the drink made her sharp. She knew men. Their problems with women, how they took them out on her.

I just want to be wanted like I want

...

Sometimes the drink made her talk shit. Most of the time. But I knew what she meant. Lorraine was buzzing with the same need, that compulsion to hope and the fear of it. Just once in your life you want that connection with another person, to go to that place beyond bodies, beyond words. Only once. Surely they weren't all bad...

She clung to me like prey as she came but it wasn't just the grip of her thighs against my ribs that left me gut-shot, unable to exhale. She was all internal energy, the tilting of a mercury switch. I felt it writhe inside her skin, bending her bones, devouring her. Our bodies were still, struggling to remain so, riding out the bliss of perfect balance. Keeping the sadness at bay for as long as possible.