After Ray told me that he loved me, I was in a state of shock. Those words coming from his mouth made me feel so special…so wonderful. To be sure he meant what he said, I asked him: “Ray, are you serious?”
Smiling, he replied, “Yes, I am serious. Do you love
me
?” he asked.
“Yes,” I answered. I tried to fight back the tears swelling up in my eyes because I was so afraid that he was going to break my heart. With us both being married, we didn’t have a lot of options anyway. Ray and I began holding and caressing each other. I felt so warm and so safe in his arms. I thought about how his wife would have felt if she found out her husband was sleeping with a young married black woman? How would my husband would have taken it? Rashad had already told me time and time again, that if I ever had an affair, he would divorce me and try to gain custody of our son. I’d like to see him try and take my son away, but that thought made me sick to my stomach.
My plans for falling in love with Ray were not planned. I had just intended on being friends with him, and that’s it. As our relationship revolved, my heart was feeling something else…love. Throughout his life, Ray had been with about 60 women; give or take a few. Nonetheless, he had had his share of experience. I had only been with 3 men. I did not like the fact that he had been with so many people because it made me wonder if he had any diseases nor was a typical “player”. I did not want to find out the truth, but at the same time, I wondered what his real intentions were.
We fell asleep that night and awoke the next morning to ringing of his cell phone. He rushed to the front room of the hotel and answered it. It was his wife. I could hear him telling her that he was alone and that he had to leave unexpectedly for an important business matter. “He is a good liar,” I thought. He began putting on his clothes, leaving me all alone in the bedroom. Ray came back and sat on the bed…full clothed.
“Where are you going,” I asked, trying not to sound so concerned.
“Well, my wife is expecting me home today. I have to catch the next flight out. It leaves and 12:30,” Ray replied.
“Oh. Well…it’s only 8:00. Can’t you stay for a bit?”
“No. I better get going. Thank you. I enjoyed last night. I’ll call you later.”
I wasn’t too happy with the way things were going already. I was beginning to feel “used”.
“You’ll call me
later?
” I asked.
“Yes. I’m so sorry. I really wish that I could stay with you for a while, but I have to leave.”
Tears began to swell up in my eyes, and Ray could see it. I tried to quickly turn my head away so he wouldn’t see me cry, but it was too late. Ray leaned closer to me and kissed my forehead, then slowly began kissing my cheek, and moved onto my lips. I fought back the tears the best way I could, but they continued to stream down my face. Ray put both his hand on my face, looked me deadpan in the eyes and said, “Shana, please don’t cry. I love you. You should know that by now. It breaks my heart to see you hurt for anything. I’m sorry I have to leave, but I have to go back home.”
I shook my head, smiled at him, and told him I understood. I was so afraid that if he walked out the door, that’d be the last time, I would ever see him, and I didn’t want that. Ray and I began to kiss lightly at first, then more intensely. He pulled the covers off of my naked body and began kissing me all over. I hoping that it wasn’t an attempt to thwart off my thoughts of him leaving, but at that point, I really didn’t care. I wanted him inside me. I was pretty sore from the night before, but I was getting so hot and wet from his kisses and caress, that it wouldn’t have made much of a difference.