Struggling

This story I dedicate to Will and Ami- two of my most devout readers.You two have really helped me become inspired to write again. I thank you for that. And also to Christiana. Your email was exactly what I needed to stop being a wuss and publish!

Please enjoy, and be patient with me... Always more to come!

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That morning, Zoey turned over and rested her head on the firm chest beside her. She hadn't slept this well in nearly a year, and felt so good. He was so strong and real. The way he was there for her this morning, standing enough ground for the both of them... She smiled as she thought of the way Briar's face changed when Gabriel came to the door.

'Serves him right,' she thought. All that time, Briar made a fool out of her; sleeping with other women, telling her she wasn't enough. She was enough. She was finally starting to see that.

Hell, she wasn't even healed yet, and she was enough for Gabriel. Did he really adore her as much as his eyes said he did? Or were his jade glances just masking deceit?

Just as she started to turn back over, feeling a bit too self conscious, Gabriel pulled her a little closer.

"Good morning, beautiful."

She forgot all her hang-ups for just a moment, as she glanced up at him.

It was a bit like meeting a celebrity you'd been in love with for years. That nervous jittery excitement inside you, trying to bubble up to the surface, while you pretend to remain calm.

"...Hi." A shy smile lifted the corners of her mouth.

It was as if morning breath did not exist, because when Gabriel leaned down and kissed her, he didn't pull back.

And she knew her breath was bad.

A simple peck on the lips lingered into a deeper, more passionate kiss. Zoey felt herself melt into him, and his hand drifted to her lower back, pulling her even closer still. It was a surprise either of them could breathe, as their faces and bodies came together in search of complete unity.

It wasn't until Zoey heard herself moan that she pushed him back. She had to, really. His thigh was between hers, and she felt herself growing wetter with each millisecond they were pressed together.

But Gabriel was not prepared to stop just yet.

He climbed atop her, firmly placed between her thighs. All that separated them now were a few remnants of clothing from the night before. Her tank top and panties would be challenged today, as to how long they could hold up to a boxer in boxer briefs.

They sat that way for a moment longer, holding each other's gaze.

Zoey wasn't sure what was going on. She had only the worst in mind at first, but something was giving him pause. Was it her fault? Should she not have kissed him back that way?

'Mmmmm... But what a kiss...'

"Zoey I'm not going to hurt you. Please. Just stop pushing me away. I'm not going to do anything you don't already want me to... So just relax, ok?" Gabriel waited for her response, but she did not speak.

Her hands were still on his chest, but had already stopped pressing him away. He took them into one of his large hands, and pulled them above her head. There was panic in her eyes. He noted it, and continued.

"How are you ever going to be happy if you won't let yourself?" He spoke as he lowered his head to her neck.

Soft, tender kisses and nibbles made her release the tension in her arms. She felt his right hand caress her every curve, moving from her wrist to her breast, to her supple backside. Now it was his turn to let out a moan.

He had always been an ass man, and she was a perfect example of why that was true.

Involuntarily, he ground his hard cock into her, and enjoyed the heat that was growing between them.

"May I kiss you?" He asked, as his face came to just an inch from hers.

Her closed eyes and parted lips said yes before she was able to decide.

Her body came alive now, as his hand released hers. She deepened the kiss, pulling him closer, and running her hand through his hair. They were moving in unison, now, grinding into each other as if they wanted to burn away the fabric between them.

She allowed her hand to slip between them, sliding down his chest, his well formed abs... Gabriel was sure she was going to push him back again, but she continued her path. It was not until she reached his manhood that her hand stopped. Too afraid to do anything more, she ran her hand along the length of him, stopping only when she realized he was much bigger than she had expected.

Her eyes shot open, and her body tensed.

Gabriel pulled back. "Is something wrong?"

She shook her head. "No, I just... can't. I can't do this. You're too... I'm not ready."

"Nothing you don't want to do."

She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, silently wishing he would kiss her again.

His lips found hers in a gentle kiss, and then she felt his hand leave her ass and begin traveling up her inner thigh.

Her mouth started to contest, but her body writhed beneath him. She wanted him to touch her. She wanted his hands all over her, claiming her. She needed to be claimed.

He could sense her urgency as he neared closer to the source of her heat. Her lace panties were drenched, and doing a horrible job of keeping that secret. He allowed his thumb to press lightly on the stiffened little nub inside her panties.

She exhaled loudly and felt her eyes roll back.

"Is this okay?" Gabriel asked, while his thumb continued its gentle caress.

"Mmmmph... Mhmm... Yea." She tried to nod her head, but just speaking was hard enough. She didn't want to move. Embarrassingly enough, she was growing closer by the second and she knew it would not be long.

As Gabriel increased pressure, he took a moment to observe her. She was exquisite. Honey colored eyes hooded, bottom lip tucked tightly between her teeth, and delicious little pants and moans escaping from her mouth made it hard to maintain his composure. Eventually, she would give herself to him fully. But this... This was all about her.

Her grip on the sheets tightened, and she looked him in the eye. It was the first time all morning that she felt she could see him clearly. At first, she thought it had all been a dream. But his thumb was persistent and she had never known pleasure like this while she slept.

Her moans became louder. There was no fight left within her. She had tried to hold back. Tried... And failed. As her body began to dance beneath him, her breathing became frantic. "Oh my—ungh—Gabriel. Yea. Just like that.. I'm gonna..."

He did not slow; he did not relieve the pressure. Instead he slipped two fingers into her tight entrance and simply held them there as he continued his circular motion with his thumb.

The many waves rocked her body, shaking her, and figuratively breaking her until she was putty in his hands.

Once the tremors had subsided, and all that was left was the sound of her gentle cooing, Gabriel kissed her forehead. He removed his hand from her panties, and she watched in horror as he pulled his fingers to his lips and sucked her cum away.

To say she blushed would be an understatement. Her mouth dropped and her eyes widened. She gasped in both embarrassment and arousal. But he did not seem to notice.

She had the most delightful taste. Something earthy and sweet... It was a challenge to refrain from tasting her more deeply.

"I should, uhm,... I should shower." Her cheeks were bright red and her eyes were averted.

His hand found her chin and pulled her up to look at him. "There's nothing to be ashamed of. You're beautiful." As he brought his lips to hers, and she tasted her own nectar, she suddenly felt as though she were in over her head.

It was happening too fast, wasn't it?

She jumped out of bed, anxious to shower. He watched her hips sway into the bathroom, tempted to follow.

There was no explaining it. From the moment they met, he felt connected to her. She drew him in, and he was her prisoner. If he could do nothing else, he wanted just to protect her—to shield her from all the pain that was out there, lurking, looking for lost prey.

And she was lost.

He threw his head back onto the pillow and sighed. Could he protect her from himself?

Half an hour in the shower left the water cold, and she was back on edge. She could go out there, feeling nervous and downright scared, or she could stay in the bathroom like a coward.

With a towel wrapped around her, she padded back into the bedroom. He was still there; lying around like it was his house. She would have been lying to herself if she said he didn't look good in her bed. No.. He looked amazing in her bed.

That familiar tingle between her thighs reminded her she was naked and staring.

"How was your shower?" Gabriel smiled as though he had not just tasted her—licked her cum from his fingers while looking her in the eye.

"It was good. Just gonna grab some clothes.." She once again averted her eyes, this time from the bulge that was growing in his boxer briefs.

He was trying not to, but seeing her in that towel and knowing there was nothing underneath was driving him mad. He got up from the bed and threw on his jeans from the night before. His shirt was ruined, so he didn't bother. When Zoey looked up and saw him coming toward her, looking like the bad boy GQ model, she grabbed the nearest dress and headed for the bathroom, scooping up the bra from last night off the floor.

After an awkward 10 minutes of small talk and near silence, Gabriel spoke up.

"Zoey, I want to date you. See where this is going."

"You don't even know me. You say that now, but in a couple of months, you'll get tired of me. I'm insecure, boring, unemployed, ..."

"Jesus!" He didn't mean to yell, but he did. He buried his face in his hands before looking back up at her. "You don't get it, do you? You're insecure? We all are. Boring? You must be kidding. You're intelligent. You think about how to help other people. And you write an amazing blog! I don't care if you work for money. Work towards making the world a better place. Work at making your life what you want it to be!"

Gabriel moved closer to her, noting the sadness in her eyes. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. But.. It's like there's this amazing person inside you, and you keep pulling her back in. What, because some shit head pretty boy told you to? Fuck Briar. I hate him for inhibiting you."

"This isn't about Briar." She spoke sternly, but tears began to form anyway.

"It's not?" Gabriel got down in his knees in front of her, matching his eye level to hers. "This has everything to do with Briar. And the sooner you realize how wonderful you are, the sooner you can get past the pain."

"How would you know? A guy like you, who's always gotten the girls, probably never lost a fight, never LOST anything? I'm sure you've broken lots of girls' hearts. Never had a situation you couldn't get out of. You don't know SHIT about being hurt. About feeling lonely, and depressed and.." Her lips were quivering, her hands, shaking. She couldn't do this with him. He wanted to pretend that his perfect existence was any comparison to her lifetime of pain.

"That's what you think, huh?" He took his thumb and rubbed her tears away. He stood up, feeling shot through the heart. She made the assumption that he had a perfect life. But she had no idea.

"Six years ago, my fiancé left me. I had just seen her the night before, and she was glowing. We were getting married the next day. Her friends thought it would be a good idea for them to go out and celebrate her last night being unmarried. She never came home.

"I played it in my mind for over a year. What could I have said? Where did I go wrong? Slowly, my life started turning downhill. I was losing fights, getting pretty beat up. My focus was gone. I just wanted answers. That's why I quit boxing. Next thing I knew, my house was foreclosed on. I lost my home, my car, and the love of my life. I couldn't get a job. Turned out, nobody had a need for a washed up fighter. I was cleaning gyms for a living."

Shit. To say she felt bad was an understatement, to say the least. There she was, feeling sorry for herself, but that room had two broken people in it.. Not one.

"Gabriel, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

He turned back to her, and then came to sit next to her on the sofa.

"I know how hard it is to pull it together when someone hurts you. But if you don't pull it together, you'll lose a lot more than just the person you love. Take my life as a good example. You don't have to be with me. But I just don't want you to give up on yourself."

His hand caressed her cheek, before he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"It's been quite a day, huh?" He smiled lightly. "I should get going. I've made some weekend plans.. And I need a shower." He stood, moving slowly to the door. "Thanks for letting me crash. I left my number on a sticky note at your desk. Call me sometime, if you want."

She stood at the door, watching as he went out to his car.

"Gabriel?" He looked up, his eyes saying everything he wished he could say. "Thank you."

~*~*~*~*~

She spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about what he had said. She knew it was true, that the only reason she had allowed herself to feel this way was because she believed that what Briar did was a reflection on her as a girlfriend. But really, it was a reflection on him—as an asshole.

She knew that part of ridding yourself of a problem was confronting it head on. So she decided to do just that.

"Briar, it's Zoey. We need to talk."

~*~*~*~*~

To feel more secure, she got all dressed up. She dug up the red dress she had planned to wear on their anniversary. She wanted to make sure she looked good when she told him off. Black heels and a black bag made the outfit. She headed out the door thinking about what Gabriel had told her just hours ago. With that in mind, she grabbed her keys and headed out.

Briar was always a snob, and to show it, he always made reservations at "exclusive" bars. When she got to Shade, she gave her name and was escorted to one of the private balconies. She sat and overlooked the skyline, feeling at peace, for just a moment.

"My, my... Did you get all dressed up for me? I'm glad you reconsidered, Zo. It is GOOD to see you..."

His emphasis on good was probably due to her perky C cup breasts being presented so well in the dress. The color of the dress was also arousing, when pressed up against her light brown skin.

Briar closed the glass door behind him and pulled the sheer curtain. This was the nicest bar in Dennings. When you wanted a drink, you pressed the button next to the door, and a server came to tend to your needs. But most people opted for bottle service instead. Briar was no exception, and he swiftly introduced the bottle of Three Olives Berry and the carafe of cranberry juice.

Drinks in hand, Briar started to compliment Zoey on her choice of attire.

"No, Briar, that's not why I'm here. I'm here to tell you that this is the last time you will see me. I don't ever want to hear from you again. I want you out of my life."

Briar scoffed. "What, is this about your meathead boyfriend? Look, there's no reason we can't remain friends. I still love you, and I don't want you to just be a memory. I need you to be a part of my life."

"Fuck you Briar." Zoey turned to avoid his icy stare. "You never loved me. It took me until now to see it, but it's true."

Briar set his glass on the coffee table.

"Oh no? Then why do I still have this?"

And then, just like that, Briar threw her for yet another loop. In his hand was the keychain she made him when they were kids. Back before they lost the innocence of their youth. Before she knew what love was... Back when he would sneak into the park with her late at night to push her on the swings when her parents fought. When he and Ben were still best friends.

"I always have it with me. All the time. I know I fucked up, and I know you might never trust me again. Zoey, I'm just a man. I could say any number of things, and I have, but the truth is, I fucked up. And I am so sorry. Things weren't always like this between us..."

"Stop it." Big heavy tears fell, and she was too frozen to wipe them away.

"...Remember that time I fell off my bike and broke my arm? You came every day with Ben to visit me. You said your mom made you, but I know that's not true. You just sat there in the corner, pretending not to care. I never told you how glad I was to see you every time you walked in the door."

"I was 15. It was just a crush." Still crying, Zoey remembered it all. She remembered sitting in the corner with her GameBoy, watching him when he wasn't looking, and tearing her eyes away when he did.

Briar rested his hand on her thigh. "There's nothing I wouldn't give to see you look at me the way you used to. You made me feel superhuman. Like there was nothing I couldn't do."

Zoey felt the corners of her mouth lift into a smile, and try as she might, she couldn't stop it.

"There it is... The most beautiful smile in the state." Briar lifted his hand to her face, looking her in the eyes. "I love you, Zoey. And I know I don't deserve it, but I wish you'd give me another chance."

~*~*~*~

It was surprising they had made it into bed, really. After two bottles of vodka, it was a miracle they had driven home safely. It was all such a blur. She didn't remember drinking so much, but she did.. Because she felt it now. And even though she knew her judgment was slightly compromised, she didn't want to fight the parade of kisses that came her way. It felt good. It felt like home.

"Oh my god, Zo. So fucking beautiful. Did you wear this dress for me baby? Tell me the truth. Mmmm.. I can't wait to make love to you." Briar was pulling up the hem of her dress, kissing her neck. He didn't want to waste time. She might change her mind, and he was in no position to turn back now.

"Mmm.. yes. I did. I wanted you to see me looking sexy when I told you off!!" She started laughing. She was always a happy drunk.

"I'm glad you changed your mind baby. And I'm gonna show you just how glad I am..."

Briar pulled hard on the crotch of her panties, causing the fabric to tear and give him full site of his meal. There was no buildup. He dug right in, licking the folds of her wet little pussy, flicking her clit. Her moans were driving him mad, and if he didn't start fucking her soon, he might just cum from the excitement.

He stood and removed his pants, and pulled his cock through the gap in his boxers.

He was back on top of her in seconds, while she giggled and played with her nipples which had become exposed after all the pulling on her dress. His lips found hers in a quick kiss before he rammed his cock inside her.

"Ohhh fuck, baby.. You haven't had sex with anyone since me, have you?"

She didn't know how it happened.., the moment of clarity. It was like she saw herself from someone else's eyes. There he was, humping away at her, and she wasn't even enjoying it. He had said all the right words, and done all the right things, but she couldn't forget their past. Who was she kidding? Briar didn't care about her. Briar only cared about Briar.

And she was just a fool who believed his lies.

"Briar, stop."

But he couldn't hear her. He was too wrapped up in his head. He was proud of himself. He had won the unwinnable girl. Twice. And now, he was just seconds from cumming.

"Briar," her voice got louder, "Briar, stop!" But she was too late. She could feel his cock pulsating inside her, filling her with cum.

He removed himself, shivering as her tight pussy continued to stroke him, even on his way out.

"Fuck, Zo, I'm so sorry."

"Did you not hear me say stop?!" She jumped out of the bed, running to the bathroom to clean herself up. When she came back, he was stretched across the bed, spent, and nearly asleep.