AUTHORS NOTE: It's been a long time comin, but it's finally here! Chapter four! The final chapter will soon follow, (for real this time!) as my goal is to finish this story by the end of Jan. Enjoy my lovlies and as always feedback is greatly appreciated! ;)
This was an all time low.
It had been a month since Star had even seen Micah. This time though, it was all her doing. She avoided him like the bubonic plague. He called, like he said he would, and she didn't answer. He came to her house; she didn't answer the door, or sneaked out the back. She couldn't face him, after what she'd said. There was no way she could just go back to being friends. Not after she'd professed her love for him and he shot her down quicker than a kamikaze jet fighter.
Because his visits increased as time went on, she started spending less and less time at home. At first staying over her mom's house, but that provoked too many questions. She quickly moved on to Brian's couch.
Upon arrival, he wanted to start the inquisition, but she halted it quickly.
"Irish, I am going though something really heavy right now. I'm honestly not ready to talk about it, but when I am, you'll be the first one I talk to. Okay?"
That had placated him for the time being, but she knew she only had so much time before she had to spill the beans.
With everything being such a mess in her personal life, she jumped head first into everything else. School, work, the band, you name it. She tried to keep herself so busy she didn't notice how lonely she felt. It always crept up on her, and many nights she cried herself to sleep.
How the hell did it get like this?
They'd never, ever had a blow up this big, could they make it through this?
Star had no clue, but she knew she had to try. It felt like she was falling into a bottomless black hole, with no end in sight.
"Good morning, lov!" Brian invaded the living room, just as chipper as always.
His sunny attitude always made her smile. Lately though, it was getting on her last nerve. You know what they say; misery loves company.
"Go away," she grumbled.
"That's no way to treat the man that just made you breakfast in bed!"
Star removed the pillow she'd used to shield her tired eyes from the sun, and sure enough, there he was. Holding a tray with all her breakfast favourites. Scrambled eggs, bacon and thick toast with hash browns. Her mouth watering, she sat up and reached for the tall glass of orange juice.
"Nope!" he said pulling the tray out of her grasp.
"What the hell Irish?" she whined.
"You have to do something for me first, and then you can eat."
Here it comes, she thought. Hanging her head, she spoke.
"What do you need Brian?" although she already knew the answer.
"I need to know what's going on with you. When you first came here, you said you needed space, so I gave you that. I wanted to wait until you were ready to talk. But I can't wait any longer. You gotta talk to me. I mean, most days your like an angry bear walking around here. And we're all on eggshells because we don't wanna poke the bear ya know? But I can't keep quiet any more, you gotta talk. If not to me, at least to Micah. The poor guy is calling here 4 times a day checking up on you."
"He's been calling here?" jeez, Star didn't know that. She did need to handle this. And Brian definitely deserved and explanation. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
"Come here," Star said patting the seat beside her.
He sat the tray down on the coffee table, and took a seat next to her.
"So what is it lov?" he asked.
Star didn't know where to begin, so she started at the beginning. It all came spilling out, how they met, their friendship, the almost kiss, the suppressed feelings, and finally the showdown in the Safeway parking lot. By the time she was finished, she was crying hysterically, and Brian was holding her tightly in his arms.
"I'm so sorry honey," was all he could say.
When she'd calmed down enough to speak again she stared him directly in his eyes and asked him what she should do.
"I don't know lov, I really don't' know. Love is hard, you know? It's a long twisting path though a beautiful forest. It looks bright and happy, but when you start walking, you find there's huge roots, and trees in your way. Ultimately, it's a path you and Micah have to take for yourselves."
And that was why she loved Brian so much. Every so often, he could drop something so profound on her she'd be blown away, astounded, in awe.
He was completely right. This was a matter she and Micah had to sort out themselves. But, their problem was they were stuck at the beginning of the path. They couldn't even start walking.
And there was the little fact that he didn't feel the same way about her. She was alone, at the beginning of the path, and the only person she wanted to take that journey with didn't want to take it with her.
"Oooooooooooh," she moaned aloud. How could she let things get this far out of hand?
"I need a drink. A good stiff drink," she announced.
"Star, it's 8:42am and you want a drink?"
Star just stood, grabbed the plate of food and began searching the cupboards for the whiskey she new Brian had stashed.
"I think, given my circumstances," she said between bites, "happy hour needs to start a bit early don't you?"
**************
The room was in absolute darkness thanks to the dark sheet that covered the window. Disarray couldn't even describe the mess the entire apartment was in. Harold Melvin and the Bluenotes were singing a sad, sad song in the background, and curled up in a ball on the bed was Micah.
Depressed was an understatement; he felt abysmal.
Back and forth, he went in his mind. Did I make the right decision? Should I have stayed? Why did I go? He knew all the reasons why he ran away that day, figuratively and literally. However, as each day passed, the reasons became less justifiable. And each day it hurt more and more. He undoubtedly missed her; she was his balance. And without her around, everything was helter-skelter.
The song that was playing faded out and a new song began to play. He cringed immediately, recognizing the songs first few notes. It was "Because I love you" by Lenny Williams. One of Star's all-time favourite songs, and way too appropriate for how he was feeling right now. He could see them both as kids, in her mother's living room singing this song into wooden spoons. Well, she was, he was watching her sing because he was definitely too shy to partake.
Right now, all he wanted was for this song to end. He didn't have the energy to get up from the cocoon he'd made in his blankets.
'She loves you,' his mind whispered.
He still couldn't wrap his mind around that fact. It seemed obvious that he'd be in love with Star. What man in their right mind wouldn't be? She was his everything, and he'd thrown her away.
But for what? And at what cost?
He'd barely left his apartment, except to bang on her door. Praying she'd open up, he'd knock incessantly; although part of him was glad she didn't open up. He had no idea what he'd say, how he'd explain himself. He just knew he had to try.
Stretching in his bed, he decided to get up. The smell of his body was beginning to revolt him. He needed a shower badly; even more than that, he needed star. She was the one he needed to pull him out of the state he was in. she was the one who'd throw him a life raft when his ship was sinking, she always was. Only this time, he was the one who'd abandoned ship. He'd have to save himself.
***********
Brian, being the "good" friend that he is, would not allow Star to be hammered out of her mind first thing in the morning.
Sitting now at the kitchen table, they made plans for this evening.
"I promise I'll buy you oodles of alcohol tonight, if you do this one thing for me."
She should have known his gifts come with a price by now, but she agreed anyway.
"Okay, what do you need from me?" she asked wearily.
"You've gotta talk to Micah, at least for my sake! He's killing my daytime minutes!"
Star slumped visibly in her chair, her eyes filling with fresh tears.
"And just what am I supposed to say to him huh?"
"Anything I guess," he answered.
Star rose and paced the kitchen floor running her fingers through her tangled hair.
"It's just not that damn easy! Christ! I told him I loved him! How could I think he would feel the same way? Of course he's not in love with me, how could he love me? So damn stupid!"
Brian was on his feet and had her in hand in no time flat. A look of pure anger was in his eyes.
"I don't ever want you hear you speak like that again, you hear me? Now I want you to listen and listen well because I don't repeat myself."
