Chapter One
A full year had gone by, and things had fallen into normalcy for Cat and Dale. They had recently settled down into a charming new home together, and were taking off as a couple. They were happy and in love, and Kiara knew that they would probably marry soon. She on the other hand, was miserable and envious of Cat. Even though she had been the most popular of the two, her life had gone in a very different direction, and as a result she began to avoid her cousin.
It was Friday night; a time for going out on a date or partying with friends and lovers. That used to be her lifestyle years ago, but now Joshua was the only love she had left...next to Cat and her mother of course. She sat at home in her living room, wondering why she had been denied the same happiness. She tried to be her old self and happy for Cat, but she could no longer mask her true feelings. She had grown irritable and almost hated her cousin for having something that she couldn't seem to attain. Cat had found a good man from a chance meeting, while she was stuck as a single parent, with not many quality men wanting her.
It was well known that that from the plethora of questions a woman could be asked by a man upon first meeting, "Do have any kids?" was one of the first few. The answer usually determined whether he would invest in you or not. Before having Joshua, she was the hottest thing around; pretty, young and slender, with no extra baggage. Her cousin had physically been the exact opposite. In her world, it seemed that men put more value into a good looking woman, over one with an impressive intellect. Had it been the opposite, Cat would have caught a good man years ago. Instead Kiara was the one getting all the attention, and she assumed that all of it would last. A relationship with Derek, now her ex, and a positive pregnancy test changed all of that.
When they were together, she believed that he would take care of her. She had been with him for two years before Joshua's birth, and thought that they would continue to be happy. Time proved her wrong and unexpected problems began to surface, taking an extreme toll on their relationship. Two months before Joshua was born, Derek had suggested that they spend some time away from each other, for the benefit of their relationship. She agreed and expected to be back in his arms, with that bit of extra love and support, especially since she was close to her due date. It only took a few weeks to realize that her aspirations of having a happy family were no longer possible. Derek abandoned her and she was replaced by another woman.
Stephanie was everything that she had been before the pregnancy, and needless to say, the new mother-to-be did not take it very well. She broke down and had no one in her corner. Her mother and so called friends, all came down on her harshly with "I told you so," and Cat had been the only one to keep her grounded through it all.
Kiara had learned that life was indeed no fairy tale. All of the Disney movies she had watched as a child, featuring down-on-luck princesses meeting chivalrous princes, and having their "happily ever afters," were all lies. The Little Mermaid had always been her favorite, and she would daydream about finding a prince as beautiful and as sweet as Eric.
Derek had been the equivalent of Eric in the beginning. Tall, dark-skinned and devilishly handsome; he was perfect. They met in their first years of college and quickly became an item. They even planned to move in together, but at the very last minute, something changed; he changed. He seemed to be bored with her and began to lose his temper more often than usual.
She tried to keep it all together, but he had no intention of trying to fix whatever was wrong. In hindsight, she now realized that he had tried to push her away, in hopes that she would break up with him first. Instead, she clung to him because he had been her first love; the prince that was supposed to bring her that happy ending. His role changed and he had transformed into the villain of her story book; the wolf in sheep's clothing, and the one to blame for her hardened exterior. He had robbed her of hope, so much so, that she now felt at her lowest.
Kiara used to be soft spoken, patient and even willing to trust; but no longer. Her heart had no patience or room for men. Yet, she still craved more than what she already had. She wondered if her life would have turned out differently if she hadn't given birth to Joshua. Maybe then someone would want her.
Wrong. This was all wrong. She shouldn't have thought that way. She loved her son and did not regret having him, even though his father was the king of betrayal. Still, Joshua only soothed three quarters of her yearning heart. The remaining fraction wanted a partner and longed to find love...true love.
She felt a sudden pang of guilt for feeling this way. Without a moment's thought, she closed her eyes and asked God to forgive her for not feeling complete. Her mother, also a single parent had told her that she didn't need a man to be happy. She was meant to survive on her own, without help from anyone. Why then did she feel jealousy and resentment towards her cousin? The very same who had it much harder than she ever did, and still found a great partnership.
Kiara slapped her palm to her forehead out of frustration and looked to her cell phone. Four missed calls from Cat. She remembered the last time she saw the happy couple together, at their housewarming party. Everything was perfect. Dale was a gentleman, Cat was extremely happy and Brian...Joshua liked him, and maybe she did too.
She sighed. She had fallen into a tiny trap, all brought about by Dale's inquiry. She hated being led on by a suggestion. It wasn't certain and led her to question herself, as well as Brian. On one hand it seemed that he was a nice guy, but she could not forget what he said about her cousin. She didn't believe that Cat had forgotten any of it either. Being a voluptuous woman herself, and not that far from Cat's weight, he might be thinking the same of her as well. What if he was just pretending to be nice for fear of losing Dale? Could he have faked all of it? Even being so good with Joshua?
Her heart ached at such a thought. It was fine if a man hurt her feelings, and pretended to want, or love her. That she could handle, but Joshua was another issue. She would not let anyone hurt him or give him false hope. In the long run, she knew that Brian would probably have some influence over her son, and how he treated people; namely women. There would be serious repercussions if she exposed him to a man who had such distorted ideals.
Her intuition told her that Brian wasn't pretending, but what if she was wrong? She didn't know him very well. She had only been around him a few times, and only Dale or John could probably see behind the bullshit. That is, if there was any bullshit to discover.
Without another thought, she snatched her cell phone from the mahogany coffee table, and began to dial Cat's number. After two rings her cousin answered.
"Hi Ki. Are you okay?" Cat asked. She sounded very concerned.
"Yeah I'm fine. Why?" Kiara responded calmly.
"Well, you always pick up when I call. I haven't spoken to you in days, and can't help but think that something might be wrong."
"I'm okay." Kiara lied, hoping to direct the attention away from herself for the moment. "How's your boo?"
"He's good. He's settling down well over here."
"That's good."
There was silence for a moment, only because Kiara was bad at faking contentment.
"Okay cuz, what's going on?" Cat asked.
"I'm fine. Why do you think something's wrong?"
"I can hear it in your voice Ki! Talk to me!"
Kiara sighed, "I'm just lonely Cat. That's all. It's like I can't find a good man."
Cat was quiet for a few seconds, and then said, "I'm sorry. Do you feel like I'm rubbing everything in your face? Is that why you haven't picked up your phone?"
"No babes."
"Ki don't lie. I used to feel that way too. You had all these guys chasing after you and I had no one. I was both sad and jealous; but I couldn't say anything. It wasn't your fault that you looked better than me. You were always more outgoing and I wasn't. People liked that about you."
"Damn Cat, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be upset, but I can't help it. The types that come after me...they don't really want to be with me. They just want some quick ass, and they could care less about Joshua. I don't want that for us. I want someone who will care equally for both of us."
"I understand Ki. Maybe you should try...something different."
She knew where Cat was going with this.
"Something different like...Brian?"
"Well he is great with Josh and you guys seem to have a little chemistry."
"Hold on! Before we even go there; do you believe him?" Kiara asked boldly, regaining the power in her tone of voice.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean do you buy that he's really sorry? We're almost the same weight; you and I, and to know that he spoke about you in that way still bothers me. How do you know he's not just pretending to stay good with Dale?"
"It's been over a year Ki..." her cousin sighed. "Dale had a talk with him and he did say that he was sorry. He might have been going through some things and took it out on me; someone he didn't know. I think he's really trying to make an effort and I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's all Dale's got, besides John. I don't want them to be at odds with each other, over me."
"Cat he has you too. What you're saying makes sense, but don't tell me that you're only thinking of Dale's happiness, and not yours."
"I am happy, but you're right. It's taking a lot to forget what he said. But Dale's got my back."
"I hope so. That's not all I'm worried about either. He might influence Josh in the long run. I want my son to respect women. He shouldn't be like his father."
"I agree with you, but I don't think you have to worry too much about that. I think Brian is a lot different from when we first met him, and with all that aside...I mean if he hadn't said those things about me, do you think you'd be attracted to him?"
