Sometimes I feel like such a hypocrite. As I sit on the OC Transpo bus, heading to Hurdman Station from the Meadowlands area of Ottawa, before beginning my long trek to the West End, I noticed a pair of blonde-haired white girls in short skirts and tank tops. These two golden beauties walked in and began to chat, and at one point they kissed, obviously to the stares of everyone on the bus. Brave girls, I thought, and although I tried not to stare at their lovely forms, I failed miserably. I love the female body in all its forms and splendor, that's my one guilty pleasure.
It's summertime and in this part of Ontario, the blazing heat caught everyone by surprise. There are times when I wish I could walk around in something skimpy like these girls, but as a Muslim woman from Somalia, that is something I can never do. Even the appearance of impropriety is considered shameful in Somali culture, and as a proud Somali woman, I try to uphold my culture and heritage as best I can.
My name is Manal Abdullah and I have a story to share with you, dear reader. If you saw me walking down the street, what would you think of me? A tall, curvy, dark-skinned woman in a long black robe and purple hijab. Would you think I'm oppressed, what most westerners think of women from Islamic countries? Would you think I'm conservative, shy or repressed? Perhaps, perhaps not. If you assumed any of the above, you'd be dead wrong, dear reader.
I was born in the City of Calgary, Alberta, on November 9, 1989. My parents, Abu and Sagal Abdullah moved to Canada from their hometown of Mogadishu, Somalia, in 1987. I consider myself a proud Somali-Canadian. I hold a bachelor's degree in business from the University of Calgary and recently earned a Master's degree in economics from Carleton University in the City of Ottawa, Ontario. I work for the Canadian Revenue Agency as an auditor. I live in a three-bedroom condo in Barrhaven. I make good money, and I believe in taking care of myself. Do I sound like a hapless, oppressed and submissive half-wit trapped by religion and culture to you?
I live my life my way, and I believe in being true to myself. I am a lesbian. A woman who loves women. A gay woman. A queer chick. A dyke. I know that I am not the only Muslim lesbian out there but I am one of a few "out" lesbians in the Muslim world. Unfortunately, this has led to estrangement from my family. My older brother Yassin curses the day I was born, and my parents and I no longer speak. That's part of the reason why I moved from Alberta to Ontario. I wanted to be away from the web of negativity surrounding my relations. I wanted to be finally free of them. I wanted to make my life, well, mine. There's always a price to pay for freedom.
My first relationship occurred during my first year of university. I met Amal "Amy" Khalid while walking through the library at the University of Calgary. The tall, slender and absolutely stunning young Yemeni woman stole my heart the moment our eyes met. Even though she was a conservatively dressed, hijab-wearing Muslim sister, the moment I gazed into Amal's eyes, I knew she was like me. A woman who loves women. I approached her, and that smile of hers melted my heart. Yeah, I wanted her.
Amal and I embarked on a passionate, secretive relationship. We were constantly together, and were well-known to each other's friends and respective families. I remember making love to her, and waking up in her arms. I live at an off-campus apartment and Amal was constantly over, visiting me at least three times a week. We took precautions, but as had been said before, you can't fool all the people all the time.
