It's amazing how, no matter what is going on in his life, a man's mind is always on sex. Take me for example. My name is Samuel Eugene and I am a big and tall Haitian guy living in the City of Ottawa, Ontario. The last Saturday of November 2013 was simply pure hell for me. Sometimes, man, all your problems start piling up and it's a snowball effect. Before you know it, your ass is up shit's creek without a damn paddle. What's a brother to do?
First, I got a notice from Carleton University telling me that if I didn't pay them the nine hundred bucks I owed them by December twentieth, they'd refer me to a collection agency. Oh, and I got into a fight with my asshole of a roommate, a punk named D.N. from Burundi. Dude attacked me when I told his ass he takes too long in the damn washroom. Although caught by surprise, I defended myself pretty good, repelling him. Then his girlfriend Jessica Q. jumped in to separate us. I went to talk to my building superintendent about what happened and since dude wasn't there, I borrowed his nephew's phone to call the cops. My own cell phone isn't working, got cut for nonpayment by those geniuses at FIDO. The worst cell phone company in history.
Anyhow, where was I? Oh, yeah. I was telling you about my shitty day. The cops showed up, a white guy with a French last name and a pretty white lady with blondish hair. I spoke to both of them, addressing the dude in French because I know French Canadians love it when you speak their language. Hey, anything to get the police on my side, you know? Shit, I'm already black. Anyhow, the cops spoke to me and then they went up to the apartment to speak with N.D. and his girlfriend Jessica Q. After a lot of talking, the cops didn't do shit. The dude attacked me without reason and they wouldn't arrest him or give him a warning or anything. Great. My tax dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen. Isn't that peachy keen?