Say It Already

I have been having this on-going affair with a black lover of mine for almost 6 years now and I have been having the time of my life.

I am a touchy feely kind of person and I know that he is too but the three words that he shies away from is "I love you". I know he told me that he hardly ever says that but he shows it in his actions. I do believe that but sometimes a girl just wants to hear what she wants to hear. He told me that know one makes him do or say anything he doesn't want to and I'm the same way.

After a long night of dinner, dancing and mind blowing sex, I told Jim how much I loved him like I did so many times before. I always get the smile with the dimples that knock my socks off and a kiss on my cheek. I asked him once to tell me how he feels about me and he told me that he cares for me deeply and that I'm a wonderful person.

Another time when we just finished making love and I was nothing but jelly, I told him that I never ever loved anyone the way I love him. Again I got the smile, the wink, the usual response.

I said to myself that I wouldn't say it anymore and see if he says it. It didn't happen. The words were on my lips and I refused to humiliate myself again each time I refused to say it to him.

Jim took me on the most wonderful vacation which we had breakfast in bed each morning followed by love making and a shower before we began on our day. I was never treated so special like I was on that vacation. We ate it the highly recommended and high priced spots, he treated me to any and all of the shopping I wanted and even bought me a new necklace which was a heart with pearls, diamonds and emeralds. It was the perfect match of gems as my birthstone is diamond for April, pearls are the birthstone of June which is Jim and the emeralds are May which is the month we started to see each other.

I tried so hard to not say those words to him and it was killing me inside. Through the two week vacation, not to say I love you once was upsetting me and I had to have a long talk with him. I waited until we arrived home and were home for a few days before I asked him if we could speak openly and honestly about our relationship. I know he loves me but I want to hear it from his lips.

Dinner that night was all over his favorites and he kept saying how much he loved the way I make the sweet potatoes and the way I make the chicken and steak just right for him. He loved my chocolate cake and always had his beer and JD chilling for us every night.

We finished our meal and dessert and he build a fire in the fire place and grabbed me away from the dishwasher and started to hug and kiss me and then started to undress me with his eyes and removed my blouse and went right for my 42DD titties that he loved. I started to unbuckle his shorts and then I stopped and asked him to sit down because I wanted to talk to him.

I proceed to tell him that I have enjoyed every moment we have spent together and our vacation was the best I ever had. I asked him if he loved me and he said he did and I said that I knew he didn't say it often and he shows me but I wanted to hear it. I told him that I was beginning to think I was nothing but a fuck toy, cock sucker and he told me that I wasn't. He told me he will tell me soon and I asked him why he has to wait because I wanted to hear it and I wasn't trying to force him but had to hear it.

He walked away from me and started to get all worked up and upset and said that he told me how it was with him and those words and why do I have to hear it. He was so upset with me he told me that he was going to go out for a while and just clear his head. I told him he could stay in the condo and I would leave and I would take some of my clothes and just kick back and review what I thought we had as a couple. He was upset with me and begged me not to leave. I told him I wanted to give him space because I backed him into a corner and he told me not to. I told him that I just wanted to hear "I love you" from his lips and thought that maybe it would be best if we just split up for a bit and give him time to think about where our relationship was going.

I went into the bedroom and threw on some sweats and then got out my little bag and started to pack. He stopped me and told me that I was his world and no one ever meant anything to him until he met me. All the other girls were just a suck, a fuck and that was all. He never told any of them that he loved them and thought maybe he just never did.

My bag was packed for about 2 days and I would come back during my lunch and take more in the next day. As I headed for the the door, he stopped me and said, "Joan, I love you and I'm sorry it's hard for me to say. The truth is that I told only 1 girl once that I loved her and she told me that she didn't love me then and never will and all she wanted was a fuck partner. That always stuck with me. I promise to say it more and I know that you love me because of all that you do and how often you tell me. Please don't leave".

I never left that night and after hearing the entire truth, I was relived as I didn't want to leave him because I did love him and he was very good with me and to me.