"Hey, where you at?" I asked. Honestly, I was so nervous I was surprised I could even speak.
"I'm walking into the lobby. Where you at?" He replied. My heart started beating faster. So fast I could hear it in my ears above all the music, tourists, and slot machines going off in the distance.
"Um, I'm here. I'm in a long white skirt and navy blue tank top. You can't miss me. I'm taller than everyone here." As soon as the words came out of my mouth I thought, "Shannon, really? A tall joke? That's the best you can come up with?"
"Okay..." He said. His voice has such an appealing tone to it. Not too deep. Not too high...Just right...Now that I think about it, last I remembered, everything about him was just right.
Moments passed that seemed like forever. "Does he see me? Calm down. It's not that serious. Has it really been years? Time flies so fast when you're distracted."
"Hello? Shannon?" His voice reminded me of the fact that I was not on Planet Shannon, but in the lobby of the Circus Circus.
"Yeah, my bad. I'm here. I just got distracted a bit." I said, as I watched the tourists come in and out of the hotel lobby doors. It's amazing to me how different tourists seem but usually, when you see them they will either be one of two things -- absolutely confused or in complete awe. At least when they're sober. But that's another tangent for another time.
"Turn around..." I heard not only through my cell phone, but through my free ear. Before I could think, my body turned around, right into him...I would have probably knocked us both over if he hadn't grabbed hold of me to steady me.
"Ooh. That grip..." My subconscious started to distract me again, but I reigned it in...quickly.
"Oh my goodness! It's been so long! Look at you!" I hugged him. His strong arms wrapped around my slim waist. I remember last I saw him, I was definitely not this size. I was bigger. Not that I look bad now. Just different. He smelled so good...
"I know! Too long. You look amazing." He said. After we let go of each other we stood for a second just looking at each other. I couldn't believe he was standing here. He hadn't changed too much. He had, of course, matured. His chocolate skin was still smooth. His lips were still strong and defined, but looked so soft and enticing. His eyes still read every emotion going through his brain. And right now they were looking me up and down...
"So...What do you want to do?" I asked. Hoping he would ignore the sexual tension vibrating between us. I am pretty sure everyone else around us could feel it, but I think part of me figured if I just ignored it, it would fade away.
"Um, I don't now. What do YOU feel like doing?" He asked.
"Fucking like rabbits," was the thought that popped into my head, but what came out of my mouth was, "I guess we can go to the food court and walk around a bit."
"Um...Okay. Sure." He complied. I say complied because he didn't sound exactly thrilled. Honestly, they say great minds think alike, and I am pretty sure that we were thinking the same thing. I inhaled deeply and started to walk. "So how have you been? I mean, tell me something I don't know. How have you been aside from telephone conversations and text messages?"
"I've been alright. Still in Atlanta for now, so I'm just dealing with that. Honestly, this past few days here back home have made me realize how much I miss it. You know?" I said. I almost started to think about all the drama and stress I had waiting for me back in Atlanta, but I had to catch myself and remind myself not to ruin a good reunion.
"That's good. I've been alright. It's good to see you again though...You know..." He started to speak, but while we were passing the Adventuredome, the sound of everything go to be so distracting, I couldn't hear what he was saying, let alone pay attention to him. When he stopped speaking, I replied with some kind of generic answer. He became quiet. When I looked at him, he had this, "What the fuck?" face on.
"What?" I asked. Almost as confused as he was.
"I asked how things were going with you and your ex or whatever he is right now, and you said, 'I can dig it.'" He told me. My face turned red.
"Oh. Wow...Um. My bad. Yeah. But we are still ex's. He wants to get back together, but quite frankly, I enjoy being single. I think I am going to stay this way a very long time. And no matter what, I am definitely getting back into a relationship with that man. We are way too incompatible." I said. I started to keep talking and almost venting about it all, but I stopped myself. Not like a man wants to hear about another man anyway, right?
"Oh. Good for me. Bad for him!" He commented. I wasn't sure if he was just joking or not, but my guess was that even if he was joking, there was a sprig of truth to it. I laughed the nervous, courtesy laugh before we both faded back into silence. What do I say to him? I mean, this is the first time I have seen him in forever. But it's not like we didn't talk all the time and keep up with each other. So "catching up" wasn't relevant...
"So...to be honest, I am not really in a walking kind of mood. I mean, it's not like there's much to see here at the Circus Circus, anyway. Want to go outside and walk the Strip?" I offered. Anything to distract me from this dark, handsome man that was walking but a couple of inches from me. Every now and then we would bump each other lightly, just close enough to brush each other's skin. And every time my hand touched his arm, I recoiled slightly, hoping he didn't notice the electricity sparking from my fingers.
"Honestly, not really. You forget it's June and it's Vegas. It's damn near 100 plus outside. I'd really rather be inside in the air conditioning." He laughed.
"Yeah. You're right..." I replied, while I debated with myself as to what to do. My head kept tempting me to just tell him let's go back to my room and chill. I can smoke and we can talk. But the logical side of myself kept getting in the way, "Shannon, are you that horny right now? I mean, I know a year is a long time, but aren't you supposed to NOT be getting distracted? Sex and feelings and relationships and all that will just distract you from everything else."
You know how you always have that angel and devil fighting with each other on your shoulder? Well, right after that angelic logical side of me spoke, the devilish realistic side of me scoffed, "Haha. Yeah, whatever. You knew when you told him you wanted to see him again what the deal was! And he does, too. We're all grown, right? So what's wrong with really good sex with no strings attached? As long as you let him know you just want the sex, then what's the problem?"
My angel spoke in my defense, "There's no such thing as sex with no strings attached. You know that. It's happened before. You try to have that 'define the relationship' conversation, but eventually either he or you will end up catching feelings. It is inevitable. Besides, sex isn't something you've ever taken casually anyway, so why start now?"
"You know," he started, knocking me back down to earth, "you seem so much quieter now than you did back in the day. It's like you're a lot more introverted now."
"Oh, really? Sorry. I just have a lot on my mind. That's all." I said. It's the typical answer I gave everyone. I figure if I say that most people will just be polite and let me be, and not ask me a whole bunch of probing questions about what's going on in my head because I know if I told them everything I thought, they wouldn't look at me the same again.
"Like what? Is everything okay?" He asked, looking concerned.
"Oh, it's nothing serious. Just stuff, that's all." I reply. "So, have you come up with any new ideas as to what you would like to do for the day, or no?"
"Okay, well you can tell me anything, while you're trying to avoid the subject. But I won't force it. And no, I don't know what else we can really do." He said, with a bit of frustration in his voice. I wondered if it was from the fact that we both knew we were acting as if we weren't attracted to each other...and always have been. Or was it because he genuinely wanted to know what was on my brain. If it was the second one, he'd have to just be disappointed. I learned from my last relationship that the more silent you are the better. That way they don't have any leverage. Is it a control thing, or a fright thing? I don't know. Irrational, I know.
I sighed. "Well, I guess we can always go back up to my room and just chill there for a while. At least there we can be some what less distracted."
He cocked an eyebrow at my last sentence as if to ask what "less distracted" meant, but didn't want to ask. "I mean," he said, "If you're not comfortable we don't have to."