Reparation

Edited by Kumani

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Reparation (re-pə-rā-shən)

n.:

replenishment of a previously inflicted loss by the perpetrator to the victim through amendments, apology or giving satisfaction

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The bells rang over the murmuring of people around her who took a collective sigh. The captain announced that he was beginning his descent. She admonished herself for being nervous, she had been on many flights with smooth landings, but she couldn't stop her heart from picking up a stronger beat. She squeezed her eyes and grimaced as the plane made jarring sounds below her.

She knew it was more than the landing that was giving her anxious jitters. It all started six months ago, in the dead of winter when a little "save the date" postcard arrived in her mailbox. It was for that time of the season,

summer

, which meant reunions- family reunions, club reunions, college picnics. And now her friendly postman put an innocent little postcard that was more dreadful than the envelopes of bills...her high school reunion. She remembered laughing with her work mates about going back to the States for this rite of "real" adulthood passage. A ritual that she really wanted to skip and loathed the idea of facing the people that had ridiculed and taunted her, and the boys she had crushed on who wouldn't be caught dead talking to her. It was her best friend who convinced her to fly back home to her rinky-dink small town, where there seemed to be more farmland than inhabitants. She cursed Maddie for talking her into this as the plane finally skidded loudly onto the O'Hare tarmac.

She peered out the small window taking in the Midwestern scenery. The sun was shining bright, she couldn't help but smile. She loved summer. She realized how much she had missed having an unhindered sun living in London. She sat peering out of the window for awhile in deep thought, remembering her first trips from this airport to London while she studied at Oxford. Her parents were so proud and had mustered up a lot of courage to let her go far away for school. Realizing that she had indeed left the nest after graduating and became an expat, her parent moved to Florida for a year round sunny climate.

The stewardess, eager to clear the plane out to do whatever flight attendants do, came up to her breaking her reverie, and she quickly un-crammed herself from the seat to grab her carry-on to depart the plane. She grabbed her luggage and hunted down the rental car desk to get her car for the second leg of her trip.

Driving through her hometown in her luxury car, she made sure to rent a high end car to make the best of the weekend, she heard the familiar sounds of her childhood during the summer months. The frogs and grasshoppers still made an eerie buzzing sound as their songs mashed together in the wetlands and corn fields along the highway. The occasional car that drove the opposite direction was not as welcoming as the fireflies in the distance that blinked red, green and white lights. The city limits did not look as sleepy as they had when she left the town, new national fast food chains lite the night and a few chic coffee shops, had blossomed in the downtown area.

Pulling up to the mid-level hotel, the idea of bed was beckoning her through the bricks and topiaries outside. A young woman, listening to her ipod swayed to a beat. She stood behind the counter, the television on the wall flashed announcements of town events. Lo' and behold it said,

Welcome Alumni Class of 1994. Go Knights!!

She let her bags drop loudly to get the young woman's attention but she kept swaying to her music and busied herself texting on her phone. Irritation and the bed screaming for her, made her patience wane completely. She rang the bell on the desk and the girl snapped to attention with a scowl.

She rolled her eyes at the ipod girl and said under her breath,

Unbelievable!

"How may I help you?" the young woman scoffed. Her head tilted to the side and she stuck her hip out to the other.

"I have a reservation, it's under Mananger."

The young woman began typing her name into the system. "Ma-Nan-Ger." The girl stopped and looked up, her mouth dropped. "Paige? Paige Mananger?"

"Yep," Paige rolled her eyes. "That's me."

"You don't remember me, do you? We had business club together. Sue, Suzy Swanson?"

Paige stood with an awkward blank mind. She was already feeling she would have many moments like this over the weekend as people would remember her but she not them. She shook her head apologetically and smiled kindly.

"No problem, I was an underclassmen. Class of 1996, Baby!" Sue, Suzy Swanson finished typing Paige's info into the computer. "Ahh! Executive Suite, you must be moving up in the world."

Paige sheepishly grinned, the room was another attempt to make the best of the weekend and feel superior over the people she would see again who gave her much grief. Maddie had convinced her not to worry.

They're probably all fat,divorced and with three screaming bratty children, they can't even handle.

Maddie's words ran through her mind.

You're the junior exec of a huge London marketing firm. No kids, no baby-daddy-mama-drama, ehh?

"I'm sorry I just flew in," Paige apologized to Suzy and regretted saying that much as the woman leaned in eagerly.

"Flew? Wow, Paige where are you living now?"

Paige sighed, the feeling of wanting to gloat about her international success was too premature for the weekend now. "I'm in London."

"Wow," Suzy said in more of a fake nasal lion roar. "You dig the accents don't you. Just don't do the Madonna thing, you won't fool anyone here. You still hick as us."

"Miss Swanson," Paige said firmly, lack of patience had turned into irate annoyance. "I need my keys to my room. Thank you. I want a wake up call at 10am."

Suzy quickly handed her keys to her suite and gave the spiel of where the amenities were and the time breakfast would start. She helped her carry Paige's bags and said it was nice seeing her again.

The room wasn't as luxurious as an executive suite in a major metropolitan city but her small hometown made the best with a country style motif and chocolate pieces on the floral pillow.

She flopped into the ultra soft bed and immediately jet-lag won as she drifted off to sleep.

***

"One, two, three We're here to fight we're here to win. We want to hear you Knights SCREAM." The cheerleaders cheered and clapped in unison as the crowd at the assembly screamed as loud as they could. "Freshmen, Ninety-Seven, let me hear you scream! Sophomores, Ninety-Six, let me hear you scream! Juniors let me hear you scream!"

The junior section of the gym screamed their cheers, it sounded heftier than the underclassmen. The cheerleaders moved to the seniors section, which were already chanting Ninety-Four and rumbling their feet in the bleachers.

"Seniors, Ninety-Four; Seniors, Ninety-Four, let me hear you scream."

The seniors roared loudly and the cheerleaders departed in jumping jacks and high kick splits.

Paige was glad this was the last school assembly of her life. She was excited to leave this school when she finally got her letter of acceptance into Oxford. Her whole entire school experience in the small town was unrelenting. She was one of the few honor students in her class that didn't fit the majority demographic. With cocoa skin she was always the single black student in her honors courses and often ridiculed by the other black girls for her good girl attitude where she managed to stay out of trouble.

She had crushes on a lot of boys and when one, Mitchell found out that she had a small crush on him, the rest of her class would often gang up on her. She was ridiculed for her tight curly black hair. They made faces at her, whispered cruel things in front of her, and even barred the way for her to enter into the classroom. Mitchell gloated at the fact that she liked him and was very quick to toss it in her face that he would never be even seen with an ugly black girl. The worst of all the ridicule that she faced was how they had changed her name, they taunted her by calling her Piggy Manigger.

She was on her own most of the time and defenseless. Whenever her name was called a boy or girl was quick to cough, Manigger under his or her breath and the teachers did nothing. It would take her years to see herself in her own mirror just as she was and see that nothing was wrong with her. Even so, most times she still had a hard time gazing at herself in the mirror.

It was the last assembly, the prom assembly where the prom royals were announced and came to the middle of the gym floor to be sashed. That year the school had adopted a teacher vote policy in order to not make the entire prom court based on popularity, so the teachers choose one boy and girl to be on court with the rest of the three couples.

"The votes have been counted and we are going to announce the four couples to be your prom court. Tennessee Chavon and Mitchell Greene, Theodore Winslow and Michelle Owens," The crowd clapped as each couple came down from the bleachers. The girls squealed as their friends names were call. "Benjamin Vonseal and Paige Mananger"

Her eyes shot open in shock. She could barely hear her name being massacred by the crowd, Manigger they chanted. Then dread snuck in. She was one of the teacher's picks, it was obvious and everyone would know this was the fact. She was paired with her latest crush that had lasted all throughout her junior and senior year, Benjamin Vonseal. It was evident that he was not a teacher pick. The second teacher pick was a bulky Korean kid that most of school could not find fault to tease. She came down from the bleachers and Benjamin seemed to instantly recoil away from her.

Now prom was ruined, her last rite of passage in this horrible town.

All day she tried to calm herself and focus on what was most important and that was the fact that she was leaving for London in less than three months. She just had to get through these last three weeks and she would never have to see these people again.

She was pretending not to listen while putting her books in her locker when she heard people apologize to Benjamin for having Paige Piggy Manigger as his prom court princess. She liked Benjamin because he didn't tease her as much as the other students in her class. He was in almost all of her classes and really never said a word to her. He was probably going to succeed and go to Illinois to attend Northwestern University or somewhere far away. He always had a girlfriend and when he didn't the girls loved to fawn on him. He was exceptionally handsome, not too tall, had a great smile like a Trident commercial and seemed so confident. She had been crushing on Benjamin for two years but was very careful to not let anyone know. Instead she sat in class trying to seem unappealing to everyone less she be teased but also to not draw attention to her lust for Benjamin.

She had dreamed that he would feel her attraction for him. And in great desire he would take her on the cafeteria floor in front of everyone, stripping her naked and pounding away at her virginity with an animalistic lust. She wanted him to desire her so much that he wouldn't care if she dripped for him in front of the entire school and he would suck her tender nether lips unashamed that he wanted her, needed her, lusted after her.

"So, Benjamin," Paige turned away from her locker to Benjamin stuffing his books into his own. "I guess we are a prom couple."

"Yeah about that, look, it's tradition that I take you but I am seeing Carrie. And I bet you've got some guy that you want to take. But we've already got a limo booked and we'll pick you and your date up, so that we are technically keeping tradition." Benjamin stated matter-of-factly, his blue eyes were intense and she couldn't believe she was having her very first conversation with him.

"Yeah that sounds like a plan. Pick me up around six," Paige stuttered.

"Who are you taking?"

"Um someone from a Des Moines high school, you probably wouldn't know him" she lied, she didn't have a date, no one would be caught dead with her on their arm.

"Really?," Benjamin coughed and choked in evident disbelief. "That's good. I wouldn't have thought that you could have gotten one. Good for you, Paige."

"You really think that there is something wrong with me, that I couldn't get a date?," she asked hurt.

"No it's just that," he stopped himself from digging an even deeper hole. "You're a nice girl I bet. You take a lot of flack from these kids. You just need to be confident in yourself."

"Are you really taking Carrie to the prom?" she asked daringly, she had nothing to lose. "I mean if you haven't asked her yet, you could go with me."

Benjamin laughed abruptly, his whole entire body shook with laughter and tears fell from his eyes. "Better luck in your next life time Mananger. I'll pick you up at six."

Paige found a beautiful red dress, red was for power and confidence. It meant look at me, I am meant to be seen. Her father put a corsage onto her wrist and her parents praised her for looking so beautiful. She waited for Benjamin to walk up to the door and take her to prom.

***

"Mananger!" a garish woman screamed, her makeup was caked on her face to hide her wear and tear. "I didn't think you of all people would come . Here's your badge, fill out this questionnaire, put it in this box and vote on this card for reunion king and queen." The woman with long red fake fingernails pointed to the boxes on the table at the welcome table. "No teachers this time to rig the voting system, huh, Mananger."

Paige rolled her eyes, walked into the old school gym filled with people already drinking and dancing to the cover band playing all the great tunes of the Nineties.

Mitchell was the first to spot her and came over to her already swaying in drunkenness. She had hoped that he would have a receding hair line and a beer gut but he didn't, he looked just a little out of shape but he was not attractive to her anymore as a scowl lines had creased his face.

"Well if it isn't you. I would have thought that you would have had three screaming babies and two different baby daddies by now. What are you doing with your life?" he asked slurring slightly.

"I'm a junior exec at a large London marketing firm. I probably will make partner in three more years."

"Ohh, impressive," he said sarcastically. "Any men try to brave a relationship with you."

"You know what. You were an ass as a kid and growing up didn't fair for you either!" Paige yelled.

She immediately went to the cocktail table and grabbed a drink and gulped it down. This was not what she thought this day would be like. All her horrible memories were coming back strongly. Why did she let Maddie convince her into coming.

Thankfully, not everyone was as unkind. Many had asked her what she was doing and they showed her pictures of their children and houses. They remembered who she was but had grown up enough to not call her Manigger or piggy. The night was becoming salvageable.

Word quickly got around that Paige had grown into a beautiful woman with a great career in London. A lot of her former bullies had been impressed but rather not ask too many questions they just talked about themselves, their happy marriages, wonderful children and happy low-level jobs. Reunions were more about talking about yourself than connecting with others she finally realized.

"Bitch you ruined my life," a woman approached her angrily, interrupting her one-side conversation with a business club alum.

At first she didn't recognize the woman but then realized it was Carrie, Benjamin's high school girlfriend. "Excuse me?"

"You are trying to impress everyone with your big fancy job but I can tell you are still the same!" Carrie yelled.

"Enough!" a man's voice broke through the crowd and before she could make heads or tails, the man swooped his arm around her waist and ushered her to the dance floor. "Dance with me."

She danced awkwardly, staring in disbelief as she saw Benjamin. He held her so close as they danced, she tried to dance elegantly through her clumsiness.

"You?" Paige whispered. "You stood me up at prom."

All the feelings of excitement that had waned into utter disappointment had struck her again. She remember sitting on the top of the stairs staring at the door, making excuses to why he did not come to pick her up as he had promised. She was totally embarrassed.

"That is a long story. Carrie would not let me pick you up and I was shallow enough to go along with it. I am sorry."

"I don't know why I came back to this stupid racist hick town. I would have thought that you all would have gotten with the times and would have changed," she spat and pushed at Benjamin but he held her tighter.

"Most people have. You know Mitchell over there." He swung her around so that she could see Mitchell propping himself up against the wall, drink in hand. "He is the owner of the tractor company now. He had problems with drinking since his pop died six months ago."

"And that means what? He's always been an asshole and I should feel sorry for him. He tormented me."

Benjamin swung her around again pressing his body closer to hers, it made butterflies erupt in her stomach. He was so intense, as he gazed into her eyes, so close to her face she felt nervous to look away.

"Mitchell had a black girlfriend for two months his freshman year in college."

Paige's mouth dropped in shock and Benjamin's smiled curled as he simply nodded. He was melting her as his eyes smiled along.

"What about Carrie?"

"What about Carrie?" he echoed indefferently. Paige could see Carrie over his shoulder. She was surrounded by her friends and they glared at her.

"How has she changed?"

"She's my ex-wife," he said matter-of-factly. "But she is right about one thing though."

"What?," she spat her eyes squinted incredulously.

"You may have a fancy job in a fancy place but you haven't changed."

Paige gasped and then pushed Benjamin hard, "and neither have you!"

She tried to storm away but he grabbed her hand bringing her back to him, so close, she could smell his wonderful spicy cologne. "Shhhhh." Paige rolled her eyes and he chuckled sinisterly. "Before prom, I told Carrie I found you attractive. She never could get past the fact that I found anyone else attractive let alone you."

He lifted her chin with his fingers delicately. His lips were close to hers and he leaned in closer, her heart pounded so hard.

Instead of a kiss he said, "but you haven't changed. You still haven't found your own way. You look down upon yourself. I bet you don't even look at yourself in the mirror longer than you have too. You let others tell you who you are, an ugly black girl, fancy smart junior exec, partner in three years." Paige's brows furrowed she had not told him anything about her life. "Word gets around, Paige. I bet you even came here with newly purchased London designer clothing just so you could put up the appearance of all those things, but inside you are not. You let the kids label you and then you believe them."

"They were just words. Kids say mean things."

"Yes but you let them become who you are now. I bet now you are so freaked out of being left out, betrayed by a silly boy standing you up for prom that you don't know how to do anything but push anyone away from getting to know the real you. Because you don't know who the real you is and you want to control who you are."

"That's not true," she stuttered.

Benjamin chuckled and brushed his check against hers committing more to the dance, dipping her and twirling her around. "I'll prove to you that you cannot give up control and that you are embarrassed of who you really are." He stopped dancing with her, her heart raced and her body froze the sensuality coming from Benjamin was entrancing. He kissed her with a small peck that made her want more. "Come with me if you want to prove me wrong."